:lol::lol::lol: yet another reason not to get in with housework
I’ll say it again - Yikes, people!
Chocomare - loved this site and 911 site. Co-workers and friends in “The Biz” thought they were hilarious. People outside Biz think we are mean and just can’t understand why we think these calls are ridonkulous. oy…I refer y’all once again to my sig line about crazy people.
I’m on Page 171. They never get old. Alas, my forehead is a bit sore, tho, from smacking it with my hand.
I keeping hoping for another horsie one tho. :winkgrin:
Oh thank God for that website! I am rolling with laughter at the retail ones. I swear I have these exact same conversations - some word for word! :lol:
My hubby had something on there that was voted one of the top five of the year a few years ago. It’s a great site.
If you’ve seen the early paintings and tapestries (medieval ages? earlier?) of unicorns, you’d know they’re scrawny little goat-looking things. CERTAINLY no robust Percheron ;).
Just when I was beginning to despair that I couldn’t find another horsie example from this fine website, there, on Page 371 it was!
Must Be One Of Them Radioactive Horses
Amusement Park - Spokane, WA, USA
Child: “I like this ride. I like horses but these ones aren’t real.”
Me: “Yup! Real ones are much bigger, probably twice as big as these horses.”
Child: “I rode one once!”
Me: “Really? That’s cool.”
Child: “Yeah. Real horses have eight legs.”
Me: “Oh. That’s… cool.”
This is priceless! I am going to put in one about the time a woman called the gym I worked at asking how to turn on her Land Rover :lol:
Oh goodie… Another one that mentions “horse,” so it counts! 
Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock
Retail | Ontario, Canada |
(A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)
Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”
Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”
(A co-worker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)
Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”
Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”
Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”
Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”
Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”
Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”
(At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)
Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”
Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”
Customer: takes his new product and storms out
Sad it’s taken this long, but finally!.. another Horse Related offering from notalwaysright.com
Animal Shelter | Lexington, KY, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque
(I am a volunteer at an equine rescue center. I am giving a barn tour to a customer’s wife while the manager shows him a horse outside. This morning, we received a stallion and he’s been kept inside until the vet can neuter or ‘geld’ him.)
Me: “And this is [horse name]. He just came in this morning.”
Customer’s Wife: “Oh, he’s pretty! Why isn’t he out with the others?”
Me: “Oh, he’s still a stallion.”
Customer’s Wife: blank stare
Me: “He hasn’t been gelded yet.”
Customer’s Wife: “I’m sorry dear, I don’t understand horse language.”
Me: “Neutered?”
Customer’s Wife: blank stare
Me: “He is going to get his boy parts chopped off, ma’am.”
Customer’s Wife: blushes “I should go see how my husband is doing…”
:lol:
Oh and for the “reverse side,” check out Not Always Working.com
In the same vein, from a friend’s facebook post this morning (she’s a trainer for ReRun):
I need to rephrase certain questions to potential adopters - “So what are you specifically looking for?” - long pregnant pause “A horse?”
“Unicorn says he would consent to go home with you for 45 gold coins…”
Oh, CURSE you! Funniest stuff ever!!
This was my favorite so far - technically it would fit in “Around The Farm” because I’ve seen several threads on wasp-killing on that forum. So there.
Lt. Ripley Goes Shopping
Retail | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals
Customer: “Do you have any wasp spray?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re currently out. Maybe [other store] has it.”
(The customer thanks me and walks away. Thirty minutes later I see him at the checkout with a super-soaker, some lighters and a one liter bottle of lighter fluid. I just stare at him in disbelief.)
Customer: “Wish me luck!”
Ahhh, they gave us another offering. 
Wonder if it’s a COTHer who submitted it? :winkgrin:
Say Neigh To Demanding Customers
Maine, USA
(I work at a barn as a stable-hand, and keep my own horse there. My daughter comes to the barn after school, and if she helps with chores, I give her riding lessons on my horse. A customer approaches me while I’m giving her a lesson.)
Customer: “Excuse me, but what do you think you’re doing?!”
Me: “Teaching my daughter how to ride.”
Customer: “Well this is my daughter’s lesson time, and that’s her lesson horse!”
(I pull out the lesson schedule.)
Me: “I’m sorry, but there are no lessons scheduled for this time.”
Customer: “Yes there is! Now you get that grubby child off my baby’s horse before I get the manager!”
Me: “I’m not going to tell my daughter that she can’t ride my horse.”
(The customer storms off, and comes back with the manager.)
Customer: “There she is! That b**** right there put her grubby child on my daughter’s lesson horse, and won’t leave the ring so she can have her lesson.”
Me: “I’ve tried to explain to you already that there are no lessons scheduled for the rest of the day. That’s my horse, and she certainly isn’t a lesson horse.”
Customer: “Do you hear how disrespectful she’s being? I demand you fire her for being so rude to me.”
Manager: “You want me to fire my best hand for letting her daughter ride her horse on her own time, when there are no lessons planned?”
Customer: “Yes!”
:lol:
snork Found another horse one
To Her Question You Say Neigh
Perth, WA, Australia
(I work at a motoring and leisure store that sells car accessories and camping gear.)
Me: “Welcome to [auto store]. How may I help you?
Caller: “Hi there! I just need some help. I’m after a horse for my daughter and I was wondering if you had any white ones?”
Me: “…I’m sorry; did you say you wanted a horse?”
Caller: “Yes, a white one!”
Me: “Ma’am, this is an auto store; we don’t sell horses, or any animals for that matter.”
Caller: “Of course you do; you guys are that huge blue store in the complex. I buy bird seed from you every month!”
(I’m confused, because we are a large blue store, but we certainly don’t sell bird seed.)
Me: “I can guarantee you we don’t sell bird seed, or horses.”
Caller: “But you’re the blue store!”
(I cover the phone and explain her request to my co-worker, who looks very amused. He takes the phone.)
Coworker: “Hi, ma’am, my coworker has explained your situation to me. I believe you may be talking about [pet and garden supply store]. They are in the same complex, and they are a blue store. I assume that’s where you bought your bird seed from.” pauses while the caller is talking “Not a problem, ma’am, but I don’t think they sell horses. In fact they only sell fish, and pet and garden supplies.”
(He pauses again, and puts the speaker-phone on.)
Caller: “…and they are going to sell me a HORSE, d*** it!” click
If only it were that easy. :lol:
:lol:
I need to get to the barn and feed my horses and then go to work, dangnabit. And I can’t stop looking.
The Hard-Ball Explanation
Animal Shelter | Lexington, KY, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque
(I am a volunteer at an equine rescue center. I am giving a barn tour to a customer’s wife while the manager shows him a horse outside. This morning, we received a stallion and he’s been kept inside until the vet can neuter or ‘geld’ him.)
Me: “And this is [horse name]. He just came in this morning.”
Customer’s Wife: “Oh, he’s pretty! Why isn’t he out with the others?”
Me: “Oh, he’s still a stallion.”
Customer’s Wife: blank stare
Me: “He hasn’t been gelded yet.”
Customer’s Wife: “I’m sorry dear, I don’t understand horse language.”
Me: “Neutered?”
Customer’s Wife: blank stare
Me: “He is going to get his boy parts chopped off, ma’am.”
Customer’s Wife: blushes “I should go see how my husband is doing…”
Of course, there’s one of the sister sites to Not Always Right, Not Always Working. Yup, I am evil. :winkgrin:
http://notalwaysworking.com
Here’s a horsie one (sort of) :
Let’s Hope He’s Just Horsing Around
Sporting Goods Store | USA | Employees, Rude & Risque
(I’m looking for equipment for my horse, and although it’s unlikely I decide to try a local sporting goods store. Note: I’m female and the employee is male.)
Me: “Hey, is there any chance you have whips or riding crops?”
Employee: “Try an adult store.”
Me: “No, it’s for my horse.”
Employee: smirks “Yeah, try an adult store.”
Me: “I meant an actual horse, not a human. Anyway, guess you don’t have any. Thanks, though!”
Employee: “I know what you mean.” winks “Hey, if you ever need a new horse, try me.”
Me: “Um, no thanks.”
(I got out, quickly!)
Showing a farm to prospective very “proper” and uptight dressed buyer family: man, wife, male kid 9ish, female kid 6ish.
After the tour, all are standing by the horses and chatting, wife is holding daughter. 2-3yr large WB stud colt hanging by us and getting pet while we chat… He completely drops and continues to stand quietly enjoying attention.
Wife pointing: “what is that?”
Me: This horse is a stallion.
Wife: “But what is THAT?!”
Me: “You know the saying:“Hung like a horse”?.. - well that is why.”
Wife: “Seriously, what is that?”
Me: “Penis”
Wife and husband look aghast and blush
Sometimes 2 and 2 just don’t add up.
