Agreed, this forum is a great source of information about horses and horse care. I don’t consider myself grumpy, but when you come into a situation with a lot of drama, you can kind of expect that people are going to find you dramatic.
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I do enjoy this forum quite a bit, there is A LOT of knowledge and support from many posters (which I am thankful for)! Some posters come across in an abrasive or rude manner, when some of us are just looking for a place to vent, a shoulder to cry on, or just looking for guidance in the horse world.
Now that I have found a place for my gelding that I know will take excellent care of him, I am in a much better state of mind 
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This. Decades ago, I arrived at the barn after work to find my mare not eating her dinner and seeming very listless. Mare was a very sensitive TB, who didn’t appreciate change. Took temp, checked pulse and respiration, listened for gut sounds, but couldn’t find anything obviously wrong except for her attitude.
I called the BO to let him know she wasn’t quite right. He said that he forgot to tell me that he tried her in a different pasture/herd. She was in a very stable herd with another mare and six geldings who all got along great. The other herd shared a fence line and was all geldings. BO had heard that having one of the opposite sex in a group was a good thing so he decided to try it. 
Apparently, my mare and her mare friend spent most of the day running the fence line whinnying at each other, until he relented and put her back with her original herd. He promised not to change anything about her routine again without giving me a heads-up. And he never did for the remaining three years I was there when I had to move for a job transfer.
He was a great BO. I would have stayed at that barn forever if I hadn’t been with the military and subject to the whims (did I say that?) of the Army. 
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I bet the swollen knee is from his time with the bullies and the fact that they kept him on the move. Sorry he had to endure that. Hopefully it is not serious but surprised you weren’t notified.
There are times where keeping your horse is a smaller living area ( like stall with attached paddock ,or solo turnout) are beneficial on both you and the horse.
I wish you all the best at your next barn. Hopefully he can have safe, adequate turnout and good care.
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I’m not dramatic. I think I have a right to be upset when I come across my horse in a situation that is the opposite of what was expected when I moved to this barn. If I saw and knew what I did when I first viewed the place, I would not have boarded here. I had an expectation in my head, and the BO is running her business how she wants to. We have different view points, and that’s ok.
My instinct is telling me that this barn is not a good fit for me and if I don’t leave sooner that I’ll wished I would have. Am I picky about where I board? Yes, I am-- I will admit to that. Maybe it’s because I’ve been very lucky to be at great boarding barns that take excellent care of my horses. I know that I will have to compromise and that no boarding barn is 100% everything on my list. However, as soon as my horse starts to frequently get hurt, that’s where I draw the line.
I came here asking how to address the situation with the BO as I did not want to ruffle feathers, and find myself in a spot where I would be asked to leave with no place to go. Boarding barns in the area have either closed down or they are full with a large waiting list. I know that most BO’s are understanding and will work with a boarder to find a solution, and that there are some BO’s that will take offense to any questions asked. When I leave, I will thank the BO for letting me board at her place and continue on my way.
Like others have said, isn’t this a place to ask questions (no matter how stupid they may seem to others)? And so what if this is my first post? You’re going to criticize me because I’ve never posted on here? I like coming on here to read and have weighed in on a few topics here and there. I don’t want to argue with you, I’m just stating my point of view
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Unfortunately I find in some cases that BOs will promise one thing, but then just do what they want. As boarders, we feel stuck because other opportunities are limited and we don’t want to be labeled as troublemakers. But, as you have done, we have to verify and be observant. We must advocate for our horses.
I get where you’re coming from, OP.
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A final update of my saga:
I moved my horse to the new barn today and as soon as I walked him into the barn, I had a feeling of immediate happiness and relief wash over me. My guy walked into his new 12x12 stall and made himself at home right away, a full hay net and freshly bedded straw stall was waiting for him. He’s like a different horse right now. Happy and content, not circling in a stall or seeming agitated and stressed. I have a feeling I will be incredibly happy at this new barn…I just should have moved him here in the first place!
He’s lost weight, is ribby and looks like shit, to be frank. He’s full of scabs and bite marks. I am ashamed I put him in that position and I’ve never had a horse look this terrible. The new barn owner commented that he looks malnourished— and I agree with her wholeheartedly. I can’t wait to watch him flourish under this BO’s care as well!
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I’m so glad to hear this update – good for you – and him! This place sounds so much better – and he’s clearly telling you how much happier he is.
Worrying about a beloved horse’s care is so incredibly stressful, here’s hoping he will indeed flourish at this new barn. Fingers crossed! 
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That is not the norm here and IMO shouldn’t be. I’ve been on every side of the coin possible: BM, BO, boarder, part-boarder, leasee, etc. As a BM I always informed owners of any turnout changes related to who was with who - preferably face to face so they could raise concerns before introduction. They were not informed if the horse moved paddocks, but they never went out with a different horse without owner consent first.
Horses can kill and injure other horses. Bottom line is the owner is the one that pays medical cost[s] associated with T/O injuries and should have final say on general specifics. Every owner has different risk tolerance, like whether horse can go out with horses with hind shoes, whether horse should go out solo or in group, mares only or geldings only, whether horse should or shouldn’t be on grass for metabolic/health reasons. BOs and BMs have much higher risk tolerance for these things because they are not responsible for vet or medical bills.
What owners shouldn’t have say on is which paddock the horse goes out in, pasture rotation, etc. Barn staff need to be reasonably accommodating of owner concerns and risks, but owners also need to understand it is a business and the barn staff generally have a better handle of herd dynamics and personalities than they do.
I don’t want to harp on this topic but if it saves one horse it’s worth it to me. I am an owner of a horse who had to be PTS because of a bad judgment call made by a BM. My horse was turned out with a horse who was shod on all four with studs behind. Had I known I would have never allowed and would have been there that day with a trailer to take him elsewhere. Unfortunately, I didn’t know until I got the emergency call from staff that my horse had been kicked and needed emergency vet attention. He was PTS on the spot. What makes me upset years later is I learned months after his death that the horse had a kick history and they had put him with my boy because he was so congenial and laid back. 
BOs and BMs are human and can have lapses in judgment too. This is one more checklist on the ever-changing checklist for owners to talk about and discuss prior to moving in. I assumed it was common knowledge in the NE horses with studs get solo turn-out since it was SOP at all other barns I’d been involved in. Make sure you don’t assume.
As far as OP’s actual question:
I am in agreement with others 4 days is not enough time for dynamics to be established, but the bare minimum is there should be alternate hay piles for the newbies to eat while it gets sorted out. That is basic horsemanship 101. Having 5 parties have to contest over a single resource is a walking vet bill waiting to happen.
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This should be proof enough to all the posters who thought you were just being “dramatic” that they were way off base. Glad he ( and you) are happy in your new barn.
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Thank you for your supportive words. I enjoy this forum but sometimes the finger pointing, blame game, and harshness of other posters is certainly uncalled for at times.
The new barn I am at is EXACTLY what I was looking for, and I feel at home now. They are keeping me in the loop with sending me a few pics, as well as video of him meeting his new friend in turnout.
He is out with a mare and there is no biting, no kicking, no squealing, etc. He has hay in front of him at all times at the new barn and I see a huge difference in his personality. The best part is that I know he is being well taken care of, and my mind is at ease now.
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Thank you! I am so excited to watch him grow and thrive. I just wish I would have moved to this place earlier! Oh well, onwards and upwards!
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Best of luck to you both 
I’d be upset that a barn didn’t recognize or anticipate this and set out one or two hay stations mire than horses, even if they just add a couple nets to start with.
Hay, for all, and more hay nets than horses is horse management 101.
It prevents milling about and fighting over limited resources, and thus injuries.
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Exactly.
Let them meet over a fence for a few days first.
A horse injured because he was thrown into a herd, rather than with two horses as agreed to (ahem-contract?) and required to fight for hay is honestly just poor management.
Had the bo told me one thing, and then I found mine in a totally different situation without asking, I’d be fuming. And then, go figure, he’s injured?! You haven’t seen dramatic…
Especially after you told me one thing, and without my consent, did the opposite
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I am with those who think you did everything right, OP. I realize that you regret your initial barn choice. Everyone has some learning moments in their lives. You paid attention to your horse and acted in his best interests. You are the owner that every horse needs.
I don’t get BMs who don’t get an owner’s interest in their own horse. Isn’t that better than the owners who don’t care, pay no attention, even rarely come out at all?
BMs who say “then get your own barn” need to consider if the boarding business is right for them. Boarding does not relieve a horse owner of the ultimate responsibility for their horse.
As in OP’s case, there are barns that don’t live up to their promises. The only way to find that out is to go beyond conversations with the BM and pay attention, observe. If someone wants to watch their horse for hours, on multiple days, then good for them for caring about their horse that much. That should not be a problem at a reputable board barn.
If a parent has a toddler enrolled in daycare, one they have vetted and about which they feel some degree of trust, should they never check on the actual conditions at the daycare? Should they “trust” to the degree that they surrender all of their parental responsibility to the daycare?
Trust but verify. Ultimately it is up to the horse’s owner to be their horse’s first advocate.
OP’s horse is lucky to have OP as an owner!
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Many years ago, i was pressured to take my horse out of the barn i was working at when they increased board costs. Barns in my area were either full, or out of my price range, so when I found a place that had a stall and was affordable, I jumped on it. There were some red flags, but I stupidly thought I would deal with those issues when they popped up.
And they did pop up sooner rather then later. I did try talking to the BM (owner wasn’t a horse person and wasn’t involved), but she was unwilling to make any compromises. Luckily the barn I am now working at had a stall open up and I was able to grab it. I have many regrets about taking my horse to that last place, but I’m grateful to have gotten him out of there relatively quickly.
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