Advice for nervous/tense rider

[Zevida]

Your nervousness is a mental issue and I’d guess that 99% of horse trainers are not equipped to help you overcome the mental issues causing your nerves and tension.

I agree that if you want to continue riding you will need to find a different trainer, likely with private lessons, who is well aware of your nerves and is willing to work with you. You need more direct attention than a group lesson program can handle right now, and more care with the horse. I do think many horses in lesson programs may be just fine for more riders but then act up with an extremely tense rider on board. You need a trainer willing to work with you.

But in addition you should also look into behavioral therapy that will help you develop skills to address your nerves alongside your lessons. This is not talk therapy! You need to research specific types of therapy around sports psychology, cognitive behavioral therapy, and phobia therapy. Make sure you talk to the therapist in advance about your issues and hopefully between working through the mental part with a therapist you can plan for skills to apply when you are riding with a trainer in a more supportive environment and then make some progress.

Good luck!

[PaddockWood]

You’ve had really good advice here. Yes, you need to find a school horse that is SO quiet and smaller so you can REALLY relax. And learn how it feels to take your body to loose noodle state. Not so much you’re unstable but really relaxed.

You could practice that while you’re looking for a new barn. While you’re sitting right now…tense up your whole body and then LET IT GO and take a deep breath and feel that wonderful feeling of relaxation.

Do that every day a couple times through the day so you start to really FEEL what it’s like to be relaxed. Then the next time you ride you can tap into that muscle memory.

My dear Arab was the type to get pretty high at times while out hacking. I would take a deep breath and let go and imagine myself a big ole hot wet noodle. A wet towel around him. It really helped him relax knowing Mom’s body said…nuttin to worry bout.

[candyappy]

I haven’t read the other replies but to me your instructor is putting you on the wrong horses.

You should be riding a horse where you can be able to relax and feel comfortable while you learn.

Find a new trainer.

[ShenanAnna]

I think the key is to take lessons on horses/ponies that you feel safe on, not one that bucks. Safety is the key in so many aspects of life with horses.

ETA And it sure helps if you trust the instructor to take care of/look after you.

[Sarah616]

I have a feeling this post will be disjointed because I have several points I want to make, so apologies in advance for that.

1. does your instructor know what your goals are? Do your goals match what her program is geared towards?
   If your goal is to ride, have fun, stay in mild riding shape, etc, then there is no reason for you to be put on horses that are bucking, even if it is “only with you”, which it probably isn’t.
   If your goal is to move up, jump higher, horse show, etc, you probably do need to be challenged in some way, so that the first time you face adversity isn’t at a show or in an already stressful situation. (Bare with me, this does NOT mean you need to ride a bucking lesson horse)
   If you have goal ‘A’ and your trainer has goal ‘B’, you guys are not on the same page. If you guys can have a talk about your goals, and she feels that she can accommodate your goal ‘A’, I would expect her to quit putting you on these horses that you don’t feel safe on. In your talk, find out WHY she wants you to ride these horses. If the answer isn’t “to improve your riding and reach your goal” and is instead something like, I need horse X for this rider and horse Z is lame, and Bucky here is the only one I have for you, it’s going to be a tough fit. Additionally if your trainer wants to focus on riders with goal ‘B’, this is not going to be the right program, because she will constantly be pushing you past your safety zone.

2. Riding lessons are not like public school. You are not assigned a specific teacher and then have to be stuck with that teacher for the entire year. If your learning style/riding style/goals don’t mesh with this instructor, you are totally free to find a new one. This is something I have had to accept and figure out as an instructor as well. I’m not going to be the right instructor for every rider, and when someone switches to another instructor or another program, I have to remind myself that it was just not a good fit, not necessarily that I wasn’t good enough. The caveat here is that it is difficult to find lesson programs with openings right now, at least in my area.
   Have you been with this instructor for your entire 5 year re-riding adventure? If so I would hope that she would have a little more empathy towards your nervousness by now and know how to accommodate it. If it’s a new relationship, she might be more confident in your abilities than you are.

3. putting adults, especially adult re-riders who had to take a break, on a horse that bucks more than once seems crazy to me. I teach a good number of adults and let me tell you, I am actively trying as hard as I can to not let them fall off. If a horse does something more than an acceptable spook at a squirrel, they are unfit for that lesson. I don’t know if you are actually “old” or just an adult, but I don’t expect my “mature” riders to deal with much. They are coming to keep themselves in the saddle, have a nice time, learn or enhance a few new skills, etc. These riders are not coming for lessons in how to sit on a green horse, deal with bucking/stopping/running/etc. Adults don’t bounce like kids. I do not want them falling off. I would be more inclined to expect a teenager or young adult to “deal with” some misbehavior, but would still hope that I could explain to them exactly how to deal with it. I have different goals and structure my lessons differently for my adults versus the kids who want to horse show. They might do a lot of the same things, but at a lower level and with more breaks.

4. if you are small, I think it would be acceptable to ask if you can ride smaller horses or ones you feel comfortable on. Sometimes a tall horse that is narrow can ride “smaller” than a short horse with a big barrel. Again, this really should be on your instructor to assign an appropriate mount, but I know that the best lesson horse I have is very tall, but very narrow, and even though I trust him with my life (and my riders’ lives), he might be intimidating the first time someone small gets on him. She might think that her big horse is super easy, but his size intimidates you, which makes you freeze, which makes bad things happen.

5. as everyone else has said, I think you’re going to have to address the instructor situation before any of your nervousness goes away. You can’t will yourself to be calm, if you’re sitting on a horse that is too much or intimidates you, and as a twice a week rider, I wouldn’t expect you to. Until you feel safe on the horse, you’re going to have a hard time relaxing.

6. the only on the ground exercise I could suggest would be putting a saddle on a barrel and practicing your balance and position without having to worry about the horse. If you feel more secure in your position, you will probably feel more secure if a horse starts to act up.

As I reread this post, the one word I used over and over was SAFE. SAFETY. Until you feel safe on the horse that you are riding, you won’t be able to relax and not be nervous.

[George_T_Mule]

Hi HJ
Regardless of anything else you might do, it is absolutely vital that you lose the nervous/tense part of the story. Equines are quite sensitive in that regard, and if you are trepidatious, so too will be your mount. From the time you first approach your critter, you need to radiate “Confident and Relaxed”, or you are already on the losing side of the game. Deep breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, visualization, etc. can all help. If nothing else, have a drink (or two) before you head out for a ride.
Another thing that will make a huge difference in your confidence level is good safety equipment. Find a helmet that fits properly and wear it. They’re expensive, but a good inflatable safety vest is your best friend in an unexpected dismount. You bounce rather than splat. Seriously. Do your own research, but both The Missus and I (60+yo crowd) love our HitAir vests, and we see more and more riders out on the trail with 'em as well. An Equestrian Airbag it is, and from first hand experience, they work exactly as advertised.
And then, what the good folk above have already said . . . and remember to “Breathe”

[eightpondfarm]

@George_T_Mule

If nothing else, have a drink (or two) before you head out for a ride.

When i have to take a dog through a certification test (once every three years) it’s probably the most tense i ever am. My co-workers, my teammates remind me to pack the Benadryl. And in the morning before the test …i’ll get a couple of texts telling me to take the Benadryl. I only take half a tab, but that takes enough of the edge off that i don’t have syncopated waves of anxiety.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

@Sarah616 I love your entire post and you sound like a wonderful instructor!

Sometimes, especially with a nervous adult, the reason they ARE nervous is that they have a reason to be–in other words, they’ve been consistently over-mounted and they don’t have an instructor who can offer constructive feedback about HOW to get better so they can manage more challenging mounts. If someone is worried about staying on a bucking horse or they don’t have the physical strength to compensate for being very petite, ignoring the reality of the situation won’t help.

I realize this won’t be a popular sentiment and I am officially No Fun, but someone shouldn’t need a few drinks or a Benadryl to navigate their twice-weekly lesson at a hunter-jumper barn because the horse is too much horse for them.

[George_T_Mule]

@Impractical_Horsewoman

I realize this won’t be a popular sentiment and I am officially No Fun, but someone shouldn’t need a few drinks or a Benadryl to navigate their twice-weekly lesson at a hunter-jumper barn because the horse is too much horse for them.

I totally agree, but the OP needs a solution, not philosophy. If a couple of Margaritas with lunch isn’t on the menu, perhaps some Diazepam? The key is to “Relax”, and until one learns the proper mental techniques, it is a difficult hurdle. Nervous rider = nervous horse = more nervous rider = really stressed-out horse = poor performance on both parts. It is totally up to the rider to break this downward spiral. No shame in a mild sedative in this instance. Couple that with a nice calm horse, and you are moving in the positive.
“What’s your favorite horse breed?” “Tame.” My $.02.

[walktrot]

There is a book called “Fear Free Riding” which uses training techniques to work through your fears in tiny steps. When I first read it, it sounded like John Lyons’s training techniques, someone I really respect. Turns out his 2nd wife wrote the preface – she was totally petrified of horses when she met him. The author has broken things down into small steps with an emphasis on repetitions – just what we (should) do with our horses. We can do the same thing. Little steps, repetitons, and don’t let someone push you out of your comfort zone.

Give yourself some time, find a nice quiet horse who his proven himself as such, and don’t do more than you are comfortable with. Maybe you can get on, and that’s enough for one day. Get off. When the day comes that you can move away from the mounting block, don’t do more steps than you are comfortable with. Get off. And so forth. A good instructor will help you work through your issues without pushing you into an uncomfortable situation.

Many trainers are not sensitive to these types of problems because they have never faced them in any aspect of their life. So they don’t know when to push and when to back off. They need to understand and respect your needs. If they don’t find someone else.

Don’t give up on yourself!