I can offer a suggestion for your shoulder creep issues, but first, a question. When you are not riding do you find yourself sitting with your neck at a forward angle, chin sticking out? The weight of your head being forward of your body will cause tension in the shoulders, which in turn, will rise up to fight the fatigue. Think of pulling your chin back to bring your neck back into alignment then think ‘long neck.’ When you keep the feeling of long neck your shoulders will stay down. This can be practiced while driving your car or seated at a desk until it becomes your new muscle memory.
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I’ve been showing rated through FEI for ~ 20 years and I had no idea we were supposed to have a bun?!? I always hated the bulk bouncing around on my neck.
OP, there’s a super easy solution - I put my hair in a bun. I put a hair net over it. I put another elastic over the bun (over the net) to hold it all in place, and then I put a helmet on. It doesn’t change the fit of my helmet, it’s out of the way, it stays tidy. Easy peasy.
I agree with the others that a longer coat would be good.
For the shoulders, lots of great suggestions in here already. I will add that I also have super tight traps, neck, and masseter muscles, and botox has been amazing. I go to a migraine specialist and he does these injections all day long for migraines. Getting it in the traps has been a god send. I still have to work at my posture and take muscle relaxers as needed, but I no longer walk around with my shoulders next to my ears as a default.
Could you share a link please? 
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I am not alone! I really do need to work on the shoulder issue and not just for riding but to fight the dowager hump. And I see that I am going to have to address another 10 lbs. The suggestion to Google girls athletic ponytails was genius and led to some good videos about how to tame the wispies, so now armed with a toothbrush, maximum hold hairspray, hairnets and have ordered something called 24 hr edge control. A size larger lightweight shape wear will also be tried out while schooling. Will post some before and after pics, including the dreaded Pillsbury doughboy look when coats are waived. Next show is in 2 weeks. Stay tuned. Thank you all!
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I love this thread
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Maybe something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Copper-Compression-Posture-Corrector-Women/dp/B07MQJXYZL?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1&psc=1
Or this:
The hair and the belly rolls are indeed aesthetic issues and there have been lots of good suggestions.
But stiff or clenched shoulders are a position and performance issue that absolutely affects your effectiveness in the saddle, so you need to figure out how to retrain your body. I’ve found with posture issues I need to be mindful 24/7 and stretching etc can help.
I use Pilates Anytime and am really happy with it. Brett Howard is the best teacher! But there are many.
But I wouldn’t just start Pilates without taking some mat classes in person.
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I got one of those cheapo posture correctors off an ad on Instagram. Its been helpful with keeping my shoulders drawn down and back and my ribs square - not collapsing left or right. I think it was $30 or something? My coach calls it my corset. She can call it whatever she wants, it’s helped with my rounded shoulders and collapsed ribcage and now my changes and canter departs are straighter and more even…because I am straighter and more even.
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Our GMO had one meeting that was held at a Pilates studio and hosted a Reformers (?) intro lesson. It was one of our best attended events and I really liked it. Now that one has opened by me, I plan to explore that further. I have a “corset” I was wearing at work at the computer, so it will be worth the look on my trainer’s face for me to show up in it to see the impact. It is all about straightness in the end - yours and the horse’s.
These are the bomb shizzle and ALL I use. Absolutely no wispies.
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Here is an interesting website: Posture Correctors | The Natural Posture
I used something called the Shoulders Back, which helped (mine is to correct collapsing to the right by evening my shoulders), but you have to wear it over a bra and such. I prefer just to buy a posture correcting bra. There are lots of them. I think there are even ones meant for riding. This sports one is very expensive, but also very good–the wider shoulder bands help a lot: Forme Posture-Correcting Sports Bra Review: Our Honest Thoughts (goodhousekeeping.com)
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I Googled “edge tamer” and the first things that come up are tractor bucket attachments.
Algorithms at work!
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