@Fat_Dinah. Wrong would be giving another boarder a wedgie or shooting a can of silly string at someone riding. Don’t be defensive … it is possible what you did wasn’t the norm for this barn. It is possible that lady is just not nice. And any permutation of either scenario. The only thing you really need to do is to talk with the BM and perhaps smile and nod at the other boarder. Who knows she might become a new friend. Stop thinking it’s an end sum game of you burning everything down because of one single awkward interaction
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I can only speak for me. I am not saying that I wouldn’t want you around or anything like that. I AM saying you have to give respect to get respect.
Literally all you have to do is approach this woman and say I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable the other day. I would never want to do that. Can we start over? I think I need to better understand how things work around here.
Very best of luck and strength to you. I want you to enjoy the barn and your horse.
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One day when I started a lesson a boarder who had been lunging her rather young and mostly untrained Frisian mare in the other ring. This lady repeatedly told her mare to GO FASTER, I guess because the mare looked spectacular at the trot. She had problems, came into the ring I was in to ask my teacher something, my riding teacher asked me if I would mind if they had a little lunging session near the gate. I said it was fine, the mare was sort of wacko but as long as she was on contact with the lunge line she was controllable.
My riding teacher worked with the lady and her horse some, then turned away to check up on me. While my teacher was not looking this lady, on purpose, put her end of the lunging line ON THE GROUND (I saw her bending down to do this), and the Frisian mare took off, running all around the ring. I told the Arab mare (thank goodness I was on an Arabian mare) to WHOA, but I did not really need to, she was a horse that stopped immediately when all hell broke loose. So we were standing in one place, and the Frisian mare started to run really, really close to the mare I was riding with the lunging line trailing her and whipping around. My mare did not know what else to do so she just stood there as the Frisian was trying to get my mare to “play” with her.
I was scared, really scared, that the loose lunge line would whip around the legs of the Arab mare I was riding and cause her to fall. I inched my way to my riding teacher, stopping whenever the other mare came close, frequently, and I finally ended up next to my riding teacher who took hold of my mare so I could get off. They finally got a hold on the end of the trailing lunge line and got the Frisian mare stopped.
My riding teacher and I praised the Arabian mare I was riding to the skies, she had not freaked out at being dive bombed by the Frisian mare and stood still, only moving (slowly) when I asked her to. God bless all Arabian mares, due to her calmness and sanity she prevented a really ugly pile up that had a good chance of crippling both mares and me.
This is the type of nightmare that people can get if they are riding in a ring with a horse learning how to lunge. I was VERY lucky, the Arab mare knew me well by then, she trusted me, and she did not think very much about that utter fool of a horse that was rocketing around the ring. I know that you, personally, would never just let your end of the lunge line drop to the ground on purpose because you are an experienced horse person, but there are times when a horse takes off while being lunged and the person’s choice is to either drop the lunge line or end up being dragged by a galloping horse.
The lady with the Frisian did not stay at my lesson stable for long, thank goodness, she found a more dressage oriented stable and moved there. I was really relieved about that.
I think that was the most scared I have ever been on horseback in the fifty years I have been riding. I very was lucky, the mare I was riding came through for me.
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Why so defensive? Why the fixation on did something wrong, etc? Why think that either you or the rider “did something wrong?” It was a case of mutual misunderstanding and crossed wires.
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I’m guessing she’s anxious and lonely and could stand a bit of kindness and good direction.
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Yes this ! Please … excellent post.
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I think you can use this bumpy start as a good way to make a new horse friend.
Find this other boarder and start a conversation with them, they can help you learn the ropes at this barn too.
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Out of all the replies people took the time to thoughtfully write out… you reply to this post like this.
Yeah, life is hard sometimes, but a bad attitude and playing the victim doesn’t help things. Some self reflection might be good right now.
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I’m sorry you are having a really hard time right now. I think this has little to do with the lunging/arena sharing situation. You might be missing your old partner and still mourning that relationship and heartsore.
Aside from the lunging incident - what else makes you think the other boarders “don’t want you there?”
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Sometimes barns can be weird, and have strange rules that the longtime boarders just accept as common knowledge and don’t bother to tell outsiders. There are so many things you don’t know about the situation. The boarder who was acting oddly could have had a bad fall and is unusually defensive, or her horse might be very moody and spooky every now and then (even if the horse was fine on the day you were lunging). If it’s bothering you, I’d talk to the boarder and suss out her character, or to the barn owner about lunging and where and when it’s best to do so, or if there are any horses you need to be especially careful around.
I’m a very shy and sensitive person myself, so I understand, but to function in a barn, you need to be able to have conversations with the barn owner on an adult level, and hopefully with other boarders. Of course, there are barns where people say everything is fine and then have weird meltdowns and microaggressions, but if that’s the case, if you speak up, at least you know it’s on them, not you, if problems ensue.
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Here’s another tidbit of advice: don’t take things personally.
For example, when the newbie approached me about the incident I mentioned where she walked right into my line of travel, she led with “I think it’s better to talk than just be mad at each other…” She was astonished that I wasn’t mad at all, as I told her, the situation was frustrating but not a big deal in the scheme of life.
Yeah, it’s hard sometimes, but really everyone here has given you pretty good advice and you appear to be pushing back on anything other than “poor you, everyone else is terrible.”
The bottom line is that you did not ask the rider, who was there first, if they minded you lunging. That’s just plain rude in many people’s opinion, which BTW you asked for (people’s opinions that is).
That said, as a dressage rider, I appreciate you NOT lunging in the court!
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you are definitely overreacting on this one.
We cannot see the layout of the farm. So the details were quite unclear in this matter.
So when you say ‘she went to another arena’ isn’t really as weird as it sounded without context.
So, you really need to pull up your big girl breeches here, approach people, say hi, and make conversation, and ask questions where the rules might not be clear.
We step in it from time to time, life is like this.
What we make from the situation is up to us.
Whatch a few episodes of Andy Griffith: So many dumb situations that could be avoided if people just spoke with each other instead of assuming (the worst)
You came to ask advice, you said.
You have been given a lot of good (and gentle) ideas here.
And I do have to agree with the poster that suggested mildly that maybe seeking professional help would do you some good. Nobody ought to live feeling they are not wanted or appreciated!
Somebody cares about your wellbeing. Even some strangers.
You do sound sad and dejected, and it made me sad that you should think nobody wants to get to know you and share your life, even if in bits and pieces!
I hope you canput your best foot forward and make some connections at the new place.
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My guess is the rider is a fearful rider who was having an anxiety attack about you lunging, and first tried to blame your halter/rope. Maybe she has been in a bad accident before. The “thank you” as you left was probably just as much her talking to herself. (I have anxious riders- this behaviour is typical). She may have been embarrassed. it is possible the other riders know to be careful around her.
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OP, people here are making suggestions and asking questions in order to help you. It may be good for you to read the responses with that in mind, rather than assuming everyone is attacking or accusing you.
I have had two experiences in which someone lunging a horse in an arena has lost that horse, and caused a panicked, dangerous situation. In one of these situations, the loose horse actually collided with mine and caused all three of us to fall, which could have been devastating for all of us. Now, I get leery when someone comes in to lunge during my ride, as does my horse. I would be significantly more leery if someone told me their horse didn’t know how to lunge. This is just an example of how another rider may be struggling with some anxieties, of which you are not aware. She may not have expressed these well, but that doesn’t invalidate her concerns. It sounds like better communication was needed all around.
As another anecdote- I once boarded at a barn with a very competent but VERY nervous rider. She had had two very serious falls in a short span of time, the second of which landed her in the ICU and required several major surgeries to repair life threatening injuries. She was a very good rider and did not outwardly appear to be nervous, and rode a quiet horse. However, we were all aware of her history and anxieties, and things that were perfectly fine per barn rules (lunging and jumping with other riders in the arena, etc) were understood to be off-limits when sharing the ring with this rider. We did this out of respect for her, and empathy for her situation. This is the benefit to having good conversations with your fellow boarders, and being honest about issues.
Part of being at a boarding barn is being a part of a community. You may not get along with everyone, and they may not all be friendly, but I would really encourage you to keep talking to them and to do what you can to foster honest communication. I would also gently suggest you consider the poster who suggested working with a therapist- as someone whose anxieties sometimes run away with me, I can attest that this can be an EXTREMELY helpful tool. Life is too short and too tough to isolate ourselves out of fear of rejection and hurt.
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Why has OP got two similar user names, out of curiosity? Starts thread under one, now responding with second.
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Good Catch. Did not notice that myself.
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Sometimes people forget a password and need to open a second account or something and then end up with 2 functional accounts. I have sites I can only open from either my phone or computer because of how the autofill passwords are stored. I wouldnt worry about it if there clearly no intent to deceive.
I remember a year or so ago a long term member was banned. It turned out they had two longstanding accounts, with totally different personas. One was really obnoxious and picked fights with particular people, the other was very easy going and asked these same people for advice all the time. They got banned during an argumentative thread lead where they were being obnoxious in Persona 1, but outed their dual identity by performing Persona 1 using the name of Persona 2.
However COTH allows alters, but generally people are obvious about that, giving themselves alters that advertise the fact.
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?? Not seeing that. What is the other username that OP is using in this thread?
I think everyone who has responded to this thread has only good intentions, good wishes and goodwill toward the OP. Nothing would make any of us happier than to learn that OP is enjoying her horse, in whatever setting that is happening. Hoping for the best! 
Sometimes what is needed most is not really available in a horse forum. A lot of great advice and good wishes have been shared here. Doubt that much more can be accomplished in this thread, just imo. 
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