Dear Blugal your health should always, always come first.
In your case it sounds like this was more than 10 years ago, maybe even 30 years ago.
Your coaches behaviour was wrong and probably criminal by today’s standards. You should not be ashamed of what happened to you but I understand why you are. I am still ashamed of being raped at 13. I am learning how to NOT be ashamed but it is not an easy road.
Speaking your truth here is a wonderful step toward learning you did not cause the trauma, and are not to blame.
We, (g), have grown and learned about abuse and mental health exponentially. The internet has certainly helped.
30 years ago I had never heard of domestic abuse, gaslighting, coercion, systematically calling someone demeaning names being abuse etc.
Abuse like that was normalized in my childhood home. Someone or something needed to teach me that being abused was not NORMAL.
We are now being given the opportunity to stand up for animals but must not harm ourselves while doing so.
Approx. 25 years ago I saw a relative put her sons horse on a trailer after the horse show and beat the living shit out of it. The horse ran out on a barrel during a barrel race. The beating was at least 2 hours later. This happened during a local fall fair.
I told people whom I trusted but I did not “report” this behaviour to anyone official.
I was stunned, flabbergasted and overwhelmed at the time that anyone could do this.
I relive this trauma every year during a specific fall fair and am ashamed I did not speak up for the horse, and more importantly for her 2 children who witnessed this beating.
Now, at 62, I have the knowledge to manage this better.
Feel no guilt for not reporting. Maybe one day you will be able to. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
The world is changing in regards to what is “normal” vs “abuse”. Clearly seen in the US right now by 13 year old incest victims being made to leave their state for health care. Hopefully we will all continue to speak up for those who cannot.