Anxiety about moving barns

[foggythistle]

Repeat until you believe it…

“My partner and I are getting married and the three of us are going to start a new life closer to his family.”

It’s hard, but I agree, it sounds like you’ve come to the end of the road with this trainer. You could turn the thought process around a little and think… She doesn’t want me to make progress too fast because then I would outgrow her capabilities and I would look for a new trainer anyhow. By keeping me low and slow, she’s keeping the paycheck.

But in reality, she’s burnt the bridge and will now lose the paycheck.
When you are ready to give your notice, make sure you have a place for him to go (and a ride), because, as seen on other threads, this could get ugly. Bring her a nice thank-you gift, say all the nice things - thanks for finding this wonderful horse, thanks for all your help over these past X years, thanks for the great care, thanks for being a friend, yada yada yada, but partner and I are moving to CT to be closer to family and Horsie will be leaving on X date.

Be prepared to pay her an extra month board if you need to leave quickly.

[Loudlaugh12]

Thanks!

[Scribbler]

I would give notice, pay for the 30 days, and then move horse immediately. This is not a friend. Not even a trainer. More a hostage situation.

[shiloh]

@Loudlaugh12

I worry that when I speak with new potential trainers, they’re going to think there’s something wrong with me.

And don’t let them convince you there is. If they start talking like that at you - run away! You need someone who will listen to you and understand you and work WITH you.

As far as shoes on horse go - ask current farrier if he knows anyone in area you want to move to. He might surprise you. If not, then tell him what is going on and ask if you can make notes on specifics of how horse is shod. I had to do this once when my farrier was going to be out and the guy I used as a substitute was fine with instructions.

The rest of it is you - don’t overthink it. You make YOU miserable, trust me BTDT til I wore it out. Who cares what your current trainer thinks? She should be glad for you like a normal person.

[LilRanger]

I would not tell her where you’re going and I might also tell her n the day you are leaving, and pay the next month. It’s a win for her, a whole month of board money with no poop to pick! Awesome!

And for you it’s worth the cost to avoid her demanding to know where horse is going so she can approve or disapprove. I don’t doubt she will try to manage your move and forecast doom. Don’t let her do that

[Loudlaugh12]

Thanks again guys :).

[atr]

Very common, trainers are busy people and not necessarily very business like. You may well have to suck it up and be persistent to get hold of them.

[Loudlaugh12]

Okay good to know.

[JenEM]

In that case, if the other barn is nearby, wait a few days and give the other trainer a call back letting them know you’ll be visiting in the area on X Date to look at another facility, would you be able to stop by their place as well.

Often Mondays are “off” days as far as teaching, so they might not get back in touch until they’ve had time to get back to the barn, look at the schedule, etc.

[Bogie]

Consider texting them now that you’ve made contact. I find many trainers prefer that. Where are you moving in CT? It’s been awhile since I lived there but might have some ideas.

[Loudlaugh12]

Okay I’ll give them a few more days and then reach out again!

[Loudlaugh12]

Thanks.

[foggythistle]

Can you ask one of the other boarders if there is such a clause in the contract?

I would still probably go for Option 1.

Make sure you have all other valuables out before you tell her (take some home every day between now and then to wash/clean/some other excuse). Leave the minimum at the barn.

[Loudlaugh12]

Thanks.

[skydy]

One important thing to remember. Don’t discuss any of this drama with potential trainers or boarding barns.
You are moving because you are marrying and that’s it. Good luck and don’t overthink it.

[trubandloki]

I think it is always best to be the bigger person. Give/pay the 30 days and leave whenever in that 30 days works best for you.
If that is the next day, that is fine.

[SadieRidingHorses]

@skydy

One important thing to remember. Don’t discuss any of this drama with potential trainers or boarding barns.
You are moving because you are marrying and that’s it. Good luck and don’t overthink it.

I think this is very good advice.

I also think that the move might be a good opportunity to consider what type of boundaries/relationship you want with a new trainer. It might feel disorienting to move to a place where the trainer is not a friend or someone who tries to control you or your horse, but that might ultimately result in you growing a lot as a rider and a horse owner. But it could feel lonely at first. Just a thought, based on my own personal experience!

[Loudlaugh12]

Okay

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Does the BO have a boarding contract with other owners but not with you? That’s a bit odd that one was never signed. Was there any kind of a verbal contract?

I know you know this already, and your problem is very common in the horse world, but while it’s good to have a friendly relationship with someone with whom you do business, always remember that it is a business relationship. Going forward, think how freeing it will be to not be so emotionally entangled with a trainer or barn owner.