If it were me and I was no longer getting lessons on the gelding, I would take the saddle home, keep it or sell it but I wouldn’t just let everyone use it, it’s your money that paid for it. Ask the trainer if she is interested in buying it since she is using it for her clients. I would not ride the mare in it if it isn’t a good fit for her but neither would I ride a saddle that is too small.
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Oh, all of us with our own horses know the importance of a well fitting saddle, and many horse owners pay $5000 or more to get a new semi custom saddle that fits them and the horse!! We also remember riding in random saddles as beginners though possibly more as kids.
But you pay the fairly high cost of lessons in order to have a horse and gear that you can learn on provided.
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I’d be very ticked off that someone else was using my saddle. End of story.
Take the saddle home with you. You don’t have to cause a stink about it, but you also should not be subsidizing the lesson program by providing a saddle for others to use. If anyone asks why you’re taking the saddle home with you, just say “because it’s my saddle.” Done.
And you might want to move barns. Or if you decide that you’d prefer to stay at this barn (for whatever reason), you should have a talk with the person giving you lessons about what your expectations are. It’s shoddy of them to have apparently encouraged others to use your tack. The fact that the horse’s owner is also using your saddle is also a whopping no-no. (IMHO anyway).
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I see no easy end to this without all parties not believing they have been unjustly harmed.
OP takes saddle home, the horse owner who assumed the saddle that fits so well was evidently a gift and gets rid of their saddle, trainer who looses a paying student who uses a mount of a boarder (and as some have noted really did not fit the tack to the horse…really come on they are supposed a professional?)
Whatever happens, no one is going to be happy
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I suppose – but in what world does ANYONE think they are entitled to someone else’s saddle?
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apparently in That barn, but I find the whole ordeal strange
There are easier less troublesome ways to have had done this
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OP, you mention that the saddle is wool flocked and has an adjustable tree–any chance with some changes to the tree and flocking it could work on the mare, or is it totally the wrong shape? Because I’d be tempted to begin by asking, “Hey, I’ve been riding Mare a lot more than Gelding lately, and my saddle doesn’t work for her. If I’m going to be riding her most of the time now, I’d like to see about getting Sally Saddlefitter out to reflock it for Mare” and see what kind of reaction that produced.
I also might take it home for some “cleaning and deep conditioning” and just…not bring it back unless you’re coming for a lesson on Gelding. It’s not your responsibility to provide the horse’s owner with a saddle.
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In my experience, most lesson barns have saddles that fit the horse. Hopefully they fit most of the riders that are going to ride that horse. Typically they are too big for more people than they are too small for.
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They know its mine and not a gift to them : I guess they just take it for granted.
I’ll try talking to my trainer before just leaving.
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The mare has super high withers : saddle can’t really be adjusted to fit that. And I might just take it home for a week long conditioning soon 
Take the saddle with you and yourself to a different barn that doesn’t take advantage of the good will of their paying customers to get as much as they can off them, as you seem to be there.
Next barn, maybe consider how much you want to contribute, where to set limits, don’t be so easy with your boundaries, not with the barn or other people.
If and when you want to help others, consider it is easier to say no now, then agree and resent it later, afraid to need to be the one seeming rude for wanting what is yours and what was agreed on.
Keep telling yourself, you are right to stand up to them.
You went the extra mile there, they seem to be taking advantage.
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It is your saddle: you own it. Would you ask permission to drive your car?
What is it about the horse culture in America that turns fully functioning adults into victims of Stockholm Syndrome?
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I didn’t mean you should actually have it adjusted for Mare–I meant that by saying something along those lines, it should serve as a reminder that the saddle is yours and not the trainers/owners/barns in a way that would maybe be more subtle, and also work as a reminder that you were meant to be riding Gelding.
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I no longer own a horse. I ride lesson horses. I take a 17" saddle usually.
I ride at a good stable, except that the lesson horse tack is not as conditioned or cleaned as much as I would like. First I got girths, then saddle pads (the stable did not have BOT-Contender II pads with shims). Then I got into bridles (first bitless, then Micklem), then bits.
All through this time I tried various saddle solutions to reflect the fact that a horse I ride might all of a sudden not be there/being used for another student/or any other thing that can mess up a human/horse relationship. I tried the Wintec GPs, both standard and wide. I tried a treeless saddle. The Corrector pad helped with my old saddles BUT it was not totally ideal.
I finally spent around $3,000 USD on a Pegasus Butterfly Claudia jumping saddle which I use with the Contender II saddle pad, and I had to use money from an inheritance to get it. I DO NOT lend this saddle to the stable. I will probably never lend this saddle out.
On the other hand I would cheerfully lend out my now unused ancient/old Crosby jumping saddles, if only they would fit a particular horse. Since so far they have not fit any of the lesson horses without extra pads, I keep them at home, in my bedroom, where I can appreciate their beauty. My riding teacher does not take me for granted, she always says if the saddle fits the horse she will buy it from me. The other stable where I ride (small private stable, no boarders) is different, I have sort of permanently lent two saddles that I no longer use (a treeless saddle and an ancient dressage saddle) with the proviso that if I NEED them I get them back.
BUT a stable will only be able to get my Pegasus Butterfly saddle by prying it out of my cold dead hands. This is the saddle that works for me and, with the shimmable pad, works for the majority of the lesson horses I ride. I bring it home after every ride, I store it in my bedroom, and if someone else wants to ride in such a saddle, well they can buy one for themselves (these ladies/girls are MUCH more wealthy than I am.)
Take your saddle home after the ride every time you use it. This is the only way to ensure that you WILL own a saddle, because a lot of people are all too eager to steal stuff from the lesson horse tack room. It is also the only way that you can take care of the saddle well enough so it keeps its resale value.
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I’m wondering where all these lesson barns that teach beginners and have tack that fit both each lesson horse and every rider that may come in to ride it? I don’t see this as realistic if a lesson barn is to stay profitable- it would mean multiple saddles for each horse. I have also never witnessed this at a lesson barn. I’ve seen it done as there is 1 saddle that fits a lesson horse and everyone rides in it or there are saddles that fit the human and thats what they use on whatever horse they ride.
Right now, getting into a lesson barn as a beginner is also fairly difficult. Long wait lists everywhere.
I don’t think the barn took advantage in this situation but the horse owner did when they sold their own saddle. If they want their horse to do lessons then they need to supply the tack.
I am also a person that would buy a saddle for a lesson horse if I rode it frequently because I like what I like.
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Growing up (many years ago now) the lesson barn I rode at had a pretty good compromise system. Every saddle was numbered and there was a chart specifying which saddles each horse could wear and if any additional pads were needed for the saddle. That allowed them to have a few different options for each horse that a rider could choose from based on their size/preferences. When a new horse came in they’d run through a fit check of all the existing saddles to find good matches.
Of course assumes that every single lesson horse isn’t a unique, hard to fit problem - you might have one horse that can only use one specific saddle, but usually there were at least few choices.
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That’s how it was at the lesson barn I started at. There was a list of saddles for each horse. All tack was provided.
I never bought a saddle, but I did wind up buying my own stirrup leathers/stirrups and grooming supplies. Most of the saddles had stirrups way too long for me or were mismatched/worn uneven, but to mention they were just super uncomfy. I figured all the stuff i bought would be usable on any horse I rode.
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That and they saw the OP coming. Take your saddle to and from. Ffs that is a big investment, you aren’t able to use it but they are? Without asking? “Upset” is not the word I’d use, in your shoes.
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I agree with Jenners.
In no way would I stay someplace that thought me sitting in a 16 inch saddle ( which clearly does not fit) was acceptable to anyone involved. Not only is this bad for the rider but it puts an abnormal stress on the horses back.
OP you need to find someplace that is truly interested in you as a rider and helping you get to the best you can be.
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I guess they just take it for granted
Sadly, I think this is the crux of the issue. And I say this, having gotten myself into similar situations twice at two different barns. 
Chalk it up to a learning experience, and move on.
Best of luck at the new location. If you aren’t able to use the new saddle at the next location, hopefully you can resell it, either to lesson horse owner or someone else.
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