OP, good luck, and good on ya for asking for advice. There is some good advice here already for you.
Having property that is suitable for horses is necessary. If you had a good gravel/sand base that drains easily and quickly, it is cheaper to make good turn out paddocks. If you have a clay base, it takes cash to change that, it’s expensive. That is why horse properties really like to buy land that has a good gravel base. Get the property you have functional for keeping horses. This is going to take some money invested, drainage, an excavator, and bringing in material that is going to work for you as suitable footing. Your coach or trainer should not have allowed this horse to be taken home knowing that the situation at home is not currently suitable. If this is impossible to do, too expensive, then you will have to go back to looking for a boarding situation that is suitable.
About the horse… it is hard to say if this horse is going to be suitable for you and your daughter in the long run. Not all horses are like this, have the issues that this horse has demonstrated. But every horse is a master of body language, far more experienced at “reading” people, and other horses, than you are. She can just look at you, and read your experience level. And she knows that you are at a disadvantage. This is not being “bad”, or “evil” or “rude”, it is just being a horse. YOU, as the human, must learn how to interact with her in a way she can understand and respect. Not many humans have this information automatically installed, most have to learn it. But you could probably find an easier equine partner to learn it with than this one. Good horses for green people to learn on are horses who do not attack other horses, or people, and are less interested in the intricacies of herd behavior and establishing pecking order. They are a bit more placid than the one you are dealing with at the moment, even when living accommodations are less than ideal.
The horse like yours will read an experienced handler, and respond accurately, and appear to be “easy” and “sweet”. But will take advantage of a situation where she is able to. The horse is a product of both her innate personality, and the experiences she has had with people and other horses and living accommodations in her life so far. Either of these aspects of her personality may be improved, with the right approach from a skilled and experience human. I don’t know if you can be that human, given your green state. Maybe you can, with help. This is not “training” the horse, it is training the human. You need to find a human trainer. The horse is not a machine, who can be “programmed” to “behave”, and turned loose onto it’s owner’s care and expect it to remain programmed. It’s a living, thinking being, with a history of baggage that it packs around with it, which influence it’s opinions and ideas and behaviour. Use of a whip, encouraging someone to carry a whip, is questionable, as the use of a tool like this is very dependant on the skill of the handler. You can’t “discipline” or “bully” your way to respect from your horse. Your horse will start to respect you when you earn it, by communicating with it effectively, showing it what you want it to do for you, and responding to the horse in a two way communication.
Good luck, and welcome to the world of horse ownership. It’s expensive.
