Complaining neighbor

[Equkelly]

… is @Red_Barn OP’s neighbor?

[CPL713]

Well, this took a turn lol. You never know which threads are going to do it, do you?

Just to clarify for my part, I only think it’s “creepy” that he’s parking next to the ring and watching lessons after he became combative and threatening. I don’t think watching lessons from your porch is creepy across the board. I used to have a trainer whose neighbor would sit out on his porch and watch us ride. But they had a wonderful relationship and he was a lovely man who just liked horses and enjoyed having something other than TV to watch.

[aregard]

@gahorseygal

I am not downplaying any dust. There is not much to begin with. I am upset that my neighbor that I had a friendly relationship with came and demanded and then threatened instead of discussing his concerns.

Some people are confrontation-averse, and when they feel they have to confront someone, they put it off and put it off until they’re ready to explode. Then they do in fact explode, and it gets ugly, and that just reinforces their unwillingness to manage a confrontation properly in future.

Cut the guy some slack. You’ve had good relations for years. An apology at the start would help grease the conversation that follows, and really, REALLY at the bottom of things, costs you nothing. But it indicates a willingness to help, to resolve an issue, and to de-escalate a problem. Apologize, give him some TIME to calm down and breathe (because he has to get himself worked up to even have this conversation), then outline your plan for a solution (the dust screen) and express your hope that it will make the dust a non issue for him. Then shake hands like good neighbors do.

[B_and_B]

Kudos to OP to putting in a dust/shade fence that will hopefully reduce the problem. (though that probably should have done when the arena went in, hindsight is lovely to have but not worth a dime.) That got mentioned before the thread went all up. I do hope the lights are shaded and focused only the arena.
On the other hand…this thread is the classic example of why so many neighborhoods, HOAs, parks, towns, land trusts, schools (the list goes on) HATE horse people.

[candyappy]

@SuzieQNutter

It is amazing how much dust we get in the house during a drought, simply because there is no grass where there usually is grass.

I was picking up some 2x4’s last week at our local lumber yard. It was a windy day, it had been dry/ warm out and I couldn’t believe the thick cloud of blowing dust that came off the gravel driveway between the storage areas for the lumber.

[candyappy]

@enjoytheride

I think it’s more self centered that the neighbor’s needs and desires matter more than what someone else can do on their own property. You’ve mentioned his comfort, and his needs, but don’t seem to care about hers one bit. To the extreme that you don’t want her to purchase lights and do want her to purchase expensive arena watering equipment. And then what happens when that doesn’t make him happy?

This is sadly what happens now that there are so many people living on tiny parcels of land and wanting to keep livestock. "Farmettes " on just a few ( 1-3 acres or less) give you hardly any breathing room or distance from your neighbors.

When you live that close to someone else, what you do on your property can affect the way they enjoy theirs. Lights put up in the arena can shine directly into his house at night. Dust from the arena can easily blow into his garage, cover his vehicles and work it’s way into his house.

Most of the time people do just fine and learn to live with a neighbor who may do things that irritate them. In the extreme cases it escalates so it is in the OP’s best interests to remedy the dust issue. It is her responsibility since it is her arena and activities that have caused the dust issue.

[candyappy]

@Red_Barn

Wow.

I’ll tell you frankly, @Bluey, I’m appalled by this thread, even in the supremely selfish, aggressively “individualistic”, supposedly “Libertarian” US of A, so I think I’ll go do something else now.

But hey! Maybe Mr Cranky will decide to build a nice little gazebo 15 feet from the OP’s arena, and invite hjs grandson’s death metal band to rehearse there after school. Wouldn’t that be great?

It is good to keep your sense of humor on this bb

[TheJenners]

@Red_Barn

And I’d call that slander - which is against the law.

A small thing, but it’s LIBEL. Not slander. An easy way to remember that is the letter “I” is in both written and in libel

@FjordBCRF

I don’t trust weird.

Same

[trubandloki]

I remember the slander/libel difference because slander is spoken, both start with an S.

[Red_Barn]

@TheJenners

A small thing, but it’s LIBEL. Not slander. An easy way to remember that is the letter “I” is in both written and in libel

That’s interesting. Thank you!

Which one gets you a longer jail term?

[gahorseygal]

@Red_Barn

But hey! Maybe Mr Cranky will decide to build a nice little gazebo 15 feet from the OP’s arena, and invite hjs grandson’s death metal band to rehearse there after school. Wouldn’t that be great?

Well the neighbor has a carport along my arena fence that I could technically report him for. All accessory building must be 10 feet from you property line. This is within centimeters of my fence. And after talking with the clerks office my deed describes my property line as the fence. Again, the fence that was there when we bought the property.

This neighbor the week before threatening us had his son on the roof of the carport blowing debris and acorns into my arena while a child was riding. Spooked the pony and thankfully the child stayed on and I took it as a desensitizing lesson for my horse. My neighbor often chooses to do yard work and such while I teach. I have never a said a word to him about it, it’s his property.

You make a lot of assumptions for someone who isn’t a part of the situation.

So he could build that gazebo and they could play their music. Probably a lot less spooky than the leaf blower on a roof.

[gahorseygal]

@aregard

Some people are confrontation-averse, and when they feel they have to confront someone, they put it off and put it off until they’re ready to explode. Then they do in fact explode, and it gets ugly, and that just reinforces their unwillingness to manage a confrontation properly in future.

Cut the guy some slack. You’ve had good relations for years. An apology at the start would help grease the conversation that follows, and really, REALLY at the bottom of things, costs you nothing. But it indicates a willingness to help, to resolve an issue, and to de-escalate a problem. Apologize, give him some TIME to calm down and breathe (because he has to get himself worked up to even have this conversation), then outline your plan for a solution (the dust screen) and express your hope that it will make the dust a non issue for him. Then shake hands like good neighbors do.

This neighbor has come to my husband and I with a concern before about a tree branch from a tree on my property hanging over his carport. He stated it looked like it could come down soon, I agreed, told him I would get in contact with a tree company. 2 weeks later I had a company out to take care of not only that tree but 2 others that had branches very close to his power lines.

I have been nothing but kind and willing to help. But when someone approaches me in anger, demanding, and then threatening I am not the one that needs to apologize. I have not done anything wrong, I am actually trying to remedy the situation. But my neighbor didn’t even give me or my husband a chance to discuss our solutions.

[SadieRidingHorses]

Both are torts, not criminal offenses. So no jail time, only civil remedies, which will vary by jurisdiction and the individual facts of each case.

[eightpondfarm]

@gahorseygal

This neighbor the week before threatening us had his son on the roof of the carport blowing debris and acorns into my arena while a child was riding. Spooked the pony and thankfully the child stayed on and I took it as a desensitizing lesson for my horse. My neighbor often chooses to do yard work and such while I teach. I have never a said a word to him about it, it’s his property.

That kind of harassment could have seriously injured your student. This guy sounds like a total deranged knuckle dragging ass.

At least you have that carport being illegally positioned to fall back on should push come to shove. My guess is he knows the law regarding this…buy you could post a copy of the statute on your fence facing his carport. The underlying threat may shut him up…
Probably not though.

edit: Scratch that… my idea was a bad one…it would just enrage him and escalate matters.

[TheJenners]

Neither, it’s a civil matter afaik.

[Tarlo_Farm]

@Red_Barn

She could also have located this arena somewhere - anywhere - other than the absolute outermost edge of her property where it abuts the old man’s land, exactly where dust and lights are guaranteed to be maximally intrusive and irritating.

How in the he__ do you know that??? Siting an arena is a huge issue and expense. She’s in a right-to-farm area. End of discussion.

[SusanO]

Yes as far as locating an arena - I have 32 acres here but it is semi hilly. I only had one functional place to fit an arena and the ground sloped off so much at the end that I do not have a full sized one. I did have flat land down by the creek but it would flood in heavy rainfall and the mosquitoes and gnats would carry me off down there. Major earth moving would be way out of my budget. So sometimes you don’t have much choice even if you have acreage.

I am also surprised that there was so much dust this summer. I am in central Alabama which is not that far from Georgia and it has rained constantly all summer. No dust for me but i will admit my arena is not used as much as hers is.

[Djones]

Hey, that was my post! Yep. 32 acres. Mostly wooded, almost none is flat. 70x120 arena is on the only and I mean only decent spot.

[gahorseygal]

@Djones

Mostly wooded, almost none is flat. 70x120 arena is on the only and I mean only decent spot.

This is my situation. We actually had another area graded for one but thankfully we were not able to put footing in right away and we soon realized it did not drain well. This spot drains really nicely and hardly needed any grading.

[aregard]

@gahorseygal

But when someone approaches me in anger, demanding, and then threatening I am not the one that needs to apologize

Oh come on. Is this a hill you want to die on? You smack back against his frustration with resistance of your own, you have the makings of a long term fall out. Is that worth it? I’m not saying you grovel. I’m not saying you even admit fault. I’m saying you pave the way for a constructive conversation by defusing the anger on his side with acknowledgement on your side that something should be changed.

Upthread you scolded someone for their posting while they are not a part of the solution. Do you want to solve the problem? I think you do. Think about your approach, and what will lead to the best outcome for both parties.