I remember the feeling of, if I do not do it now, I will never do it, when it came to trying to play in the rated shows, and throwing all I had at doing just that. I played for a little while. It left me feeling unhappy, and very disillusioned. I stopped enjoying my horses as everything became about a ribbon. At home, my free time was churned up by HAVING to ride ( at least in my own head) and riding my horses became a chore, an obligation, and it all stopped being fun. But somehow once on the roller coaster it was hard to stop. Maybe it would have been possible to pull back and find some middle ground, but I did not. I quit showing, I quit riding, for a long, long time I really wanted nothing to do with horses at all.
At some point, early on, I enjoyed it. The glamour, the glitz, though, that is not really there. The reality is early mornings and late nights, with “success” a very fleeting thing, only as good as the last course, with another one always looming.
This was just my journey. Not everyone’s is the same.
I did in time find my way back to horses, but now it is all very different for me. I have done some unrated shows-- and I felt that “bug” begin to bite, where doing rated shows seemed to be the natural goal, the natural progression, and I pushed myself and my horse in that direction… and… stopped.
Because I could feel my attitude shift again, the whole obligation, the lack of fun, seemed to be creeping into it all, and I did not want that.
That is just me. I am sure it is very different for others, it is all an individual thing. But for me-- no. I enjoy my horse in a different way, at a different level, without shows on the horizon as a goal. We may go to the odd unrated show but even that has become something that does not have a lot of appeal.
In a show oriented barn, there seem to be narrow horizons, that there is one way to be with a horse, goals you could pursue, goals you should pursue. And yet, the horse world is a bigger one than the world of the rated shows-- and there are many ways and many levels at which to show.
I did not ( and do not) find showing a very rewarding thing in the end-- I was left with a pile (some times) of some ribbons, and an empty and hollow feeling, and any sense of satisfaction or reward very fleeting, with an eye always on what had to be done next, what show was coming, what riding issue had to be addressed, whether I had the right horse for the show goals I was supposed to be setting.
I walked away. And that is a valid choice too. All that glitters…