“The emotional side thinks I suck and should do more, plus I’m worried about being judged harshly by other people at the barn, and the vet.”
Other’s have no opinion that matters. You are doing what is best for your horse. Putting him to sleep isn’t cruel or anything you should be judged negatively for. You know what you should do…you love your old guy, it sucks and it happens to every horse eventually. If anyone DARES to make a non-supportive comment to you…find a nearby heavy/sharp/painful, and apply repeatedly until they stop their air addiction or go away screeching!
I had to deal with a similar situation with my 22 year old TB/WB mare that I had raised and owned from birth. Her pasterns (which were always pretty sloped) were sinking and I think that, in retrospect, I waited way too long to make the hard decision. She would still walk around looking normal and occasionally trot a bit but when I would see her getting up from a nap, she would have to lunge forward to get up, then would stand, quivering and pawing the ground with her front legs not wanting to move before walking off dead lame. After 10-15 steps she would seem okay but I knew the day was coming to put her down. She made me act on it when, during the summer before I planned to euthanize her ( didn’t want to put her through another winter) she poked her eye on something. I knew that I needed the vet to come out and that she would be awful about this old lady owner trying to medicate her eye so I made the call to euthanize. It broke my heart but was the right thing to do - just belated and I carry guilt about that. Sorry you have to deal with this - hugs to you.
Nothing to add other than virtual hugs - it’s NEVER an easy thing to contemplate, let alone do.
If you have horse friends at your barn who can support you through this, talk to them.
If you cannot bury him on the property, make those arrangements - or have a friend, or the barn owner, do it. If you can, find someone who can do that.
When I had to have my beloved Bodie put down three years ago, it was somewhat easier because the prognosis was zero chance for recovery, but we had also had a grave dug for some months (for another horse, who ended up living two more years, but oh well). It was just easier knowing all the pieces were in place, somehow.
If it helps - it doesn’t sound like you’re giving up on him. It sounds like you’re doing the kindest, most responsible thing for him.
Well, the vet can’t make it out for a few days but I’ll be discussing it with her. I’m somewhat new around here so none of the vets know my horse that well but I’ll get his ultrasounds forwarded from his old vet. I was hoping that treating him for Cushing’s disease would help his desmitis, and he seemed okay for a while. Now I’m not so sure - he seems so anxious all the time.
I would also consider taking him to the nearest vet hospital to get a full work up. If the hard decision is to be made, it’s better to do it there and not deal with doing it in your barn. I had one that ended up with a catastophic injury, and we put him down at OSU. It would have been much harder for me to know without the experts advice, and it was much easier to do it there without the drama of the kids and boarders at the barn.
OP - there are things far worse than a humane death surrounded by those who loved you most. I would have a frank discussion with your vet. But at the end of the day you need to find peace in your choice. You could consider doing additional diagnostics. But what are you going to do with that information? It may be helpful for your p ace of mind.
I promised my sister that I would look after her Mr P until it was his time to go. He was then 17 years old with diagnosed quite serious arthritis in both hocks. When we moved to our own farm, he came home. Retired at 25 years old, “lightly” ridden until he was 29 years old. Each summer - we are prone to droughts where we live and the ground can become rock-hard - we would look at that feisty old horse and say “is this the year?”. Yes, we buted through the worst of the year and we had (and still have) a collection of “Mr P” rugs. When he was 31 years old, the dry hung on about 2 months longer than usual. He started to trudge - we called the vet and made the appointment. Far better to plan these things that come home to find him dead having suffered through the last few hours. Could he have made 32 if the dry hadn’t hung on - maybe, maybe not. He was struggling weight wise - not eating wise just not converting it to fat. But, as he died on the sedation, more likely “maybe not”.
I think he’s asking you to set him free. This doesn’t mean that it is easy. Try to remember that what might seem like a selfish decision on your part is actually the kindest and least selfish thing you can do for him.
My old mare also has degenerative ligaments but she is pretty easy to handle. She’s always at the gate and making a pest of herself. Loves bath time and grooming. The only thing she doesn’t like is farrier time. I started trimming her feet when she lays down for a nap. She does get up very lame after sleeping so i know this is probably her last year. If she tucks her feet under her while sleeping, she is flexing the sore joints. I keep her on Equioxx.
The attitude you are seeing maybe an attitude problem, rather than a health problem. Or he could be very painful and being aggressive is his only way to let you know he is hurting. A friend’s horse had laminitis and they warned me he would try to bite because he was so painful.
Consult a vet- perhaps pain meds will help. A horse can have ugly legs and be mostly pain free, or normal looking legs and be very painful. Visually assessing his legs does not indicate how painful he is. Watching how he moves is helpful- does he run during turnout? Does he spend his days laying down more than normal? - as that indicates severe pain.
He is your horse and it is your decision. Only you know what his typical personality is.
I have more than just a hypothetical for you actually. In November I did euthanize a horse with degenerative suspensory ligament disease (which you probably already know affects more than just the suspensories). He was only 5 and I had put a lot of time, money, and love into trying to “fix” him over the previous year. None of it was enough. The key factors for me were:
He had been terribly lame on 3 legs for a year with no consistent improvement despite numerous therapies;
He was always resting one hind leg or the other, and sometimes also a front leg;
I discovered that he was completely non-weightbearing on one hind leg after standing up from lying down–I was worried one day he wouldn’t be able to stand up at all and I didn’t want him to suffer that fear;
Farrier visits were getting progressively worse for all parties and no amount of sedation or Bute was helping; and
The disease is progressive and incurable, so his current condition was the best he’d probably ever be in the rest of his life, and I decided it was not good enough.
It was heartbreaking and I cried a lot between the day I made the decision and “the day.” Now that a little time has passed though, I am confident that I made the right decision for him.
So, while I can’t/won’t tell you what to do with your horse, I can tell you what I did with mine (who was still his happy, goofy self and wasn’t showing any behavioral changes at all, other than during farrier appointments).
I have snipped your OP to highlight the factors that stood out for me:
If you do decide it’s time for him and you are anywhere near NC State, they are doing a study on DSLD. You would save the costs of euthanizing him at home, and you could contribute to our state of knowledge about this awful disease. It did help me a lot to know that my boy could someday help other horses and their owners. Dr. Schnabel was my contact there: https://cvm.ncsu.edu/directory/schnabel-lauren/. She and the whole team were extremely kind to my horse and me.
University of Wisconsin is also doing a genetic study that just requires nasal swabs and a short questionnaire, and I encourage you to submit a sample to them regardless of what you decide for your horse. https://uwveterinarycare.wisc.edu/clinical-studies/large-animal
Thanks for all the replies and feedback, everyone.
An update: my horse still lives. I had the vet come and assess him. Interestingly, he didn’t show any pain upon palpation in his suspensories, and his flexion tests were fine. He is quite stiff though. He received an injection of legend. Since that, I’ve noticed that he has been standing more square (he usually stands with his left hind hind quite far under his body).
The vet suggested acupuncture, which is something I’m generally skeptical of, but it wasn’t too expensive so I gave it a shot. To my surprise, my horse seemed to like it. He had two sessions and was relaxed both times. I’ve been walking him more often now and he seems more relaxed.
