I always see findeight as a font of compassionate wisdom. Heed her words here.
let the tears you shed be for the loss of your friend and sweet memories, not the sadness of feeling you waited too long. That burden is not easily overcome
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My stories are all the same. The emotional distress I feel is the most agonizing as I consider scheduling euthanasia. After the appointment is made, I grieve a bit and busy myself spoiling the animal. After the deed is done, I feel much better.
I may get flamed for it, but in my experience the decision making process is the hardest on me. After I’ve helped my friend to the rainbow bridge, I have a good cry and then I feel relief.
Better a year too soon than a week too late imo.
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The horse communicator is an interesting thought that I hadn’t considered. When talking to my vet about it though she said that she was sure if we could ask him do you want to manage through another summer that he’d answer hell no, he doesn’t.
This is something I’ve been mulling over for the last several months, since last summer he seemed to do much worse than the previous one. He’s never been a big fan of the hot months but he’d still hang with the other horses and go take breaks in the shade of the trees. Last summer was the first summer that he just stood by himself, all day long. One could argue it was right then that he was telling me it was time. He probably was. I figured to let him have another more pleasant fall, winter and spring and then let him go before another summer. I’m glad I started this thread because all of you have really helped and then hearing about my friend’s older horse yesterday cemented it. There isn’t anything good left for my guy…at best he just suffers through another summer . At worse some kind of catastrophe befalls him and I’ll have to live with letting that happen to him.
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Putting your horse’s comfort over your feelings is difficult but the right thing to do.
I will differ from some of those who said they had no regrets after a non-emergency euth. I did. But it wasnt rational. It was just the emotional side of me crying that I should have been able to do something to help him and give us more time. Even though there was nothing practical (or kind). So you may have those feelings too. You just need to grieve and process and let your rational side help you understand that you did the kindest thing.
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I’m so sorry. My pony had EOTRH, I managed him for years and then he went rapidly downhill and had to be put to sleep at 31. You’ll make the right decision when it’s time, even though it’s hard.
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To circle back to those salient comments about knowing when it is time –
I think it’s almost never too early when you are dealing with a horse that has a progressive disease. It’s not something they will ever get better from, it will only get worse – and sometimes that helps when factoring into your decision. With EORTH, I don’t think it exists in a vacuum - usually other things are at play too (cushings) which make management difficult, and the condition is painful, even with teeth extracted.
While it can seem cruel today to put down the sleek, fat, and happy gelding in your field, when that gelding has an uphill battle with something that is progressive, it can be startling how quickly the diseases advance and, worse, events out of your control can drastically hasten the decline from a cut, to a paddock injury to who knows what.
I’ve said it before on this forum, I was a “day too late” euthanizing one of my horses. He was technically my horse, but he’d shown my sister the ropes of eventing and was my mother’s favorite - so I felt scheduling his appointment wasn’t just a unilateral decision. He had EORTH and cervical arthritis and while it was never formally diagnosed, I suspect cushings too. He was ataxic some days (listed to the side) but still rolled, played, and surprisingly, always stayed the herd leader which at the time I thought was a good indicator he was still feeling good. Unfortunately, he struggled to be shod and we made the decision to try him barefoot. He declined so fast it was staggering. At that point, it was way too late – he was in pain and uncomfortable the day we put him to sleep.
What was really sobering to me was how fast he dropped. I’ve been at my share of final appointments and I have never seen a horse go down so quickly. It made me realize that we’d failed him, and that he’d been putting on a good show for a long time and was terribly tired.
All of that to say that I will be much quicker pulling the trigger if I ever have to deal with a progressive disease again. He was not the first horse that I lost, or even the first horse I had to put to sleep, either, so it wasn’t a matter of being afraid to let him go. I just had the wrong opinion that he wasn’t ready to go yet, and I don’t think that was true.
Anyway, I don’t know if that will help ease your conscience or guilt about this OP – hope it helps you as you navigate this difficult decision and know “this, it be right” – even if it feels awful.
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This does help, thank you for sharing.
I feel like we’re at the top of a roller coaster, right before you head down. The issues he’s had have been slowly building as we climb the hill and my gut says we are really near the top, right before you zoom down to the bottom. I could be wrong, maybe he’d have a longer time if I gave it time. While my barn owner is supportive, I think she thinks it may be a little too soon but the more you all are sharing your experiences, the more confident I feel that it’s the right thing to let him go now.
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@Lah0808 I know what you are going through. I’m having my old guy put down tomorrow. I scheduled it a few weeks ago. Since making the appointment I’ve felt that I have been working through a grieving process. I cry a little each day. Hell, I’m tearing up just typing this. But I know it’s the right thing to do. My best advice to you is to pick a day, make the arrangements with vet, removal/burial, BO, whatever needs to be done, and just enjoy him for the remaining time you have left with him. It’s been said many times on this forum: taking their pain and making it your own is the kindest thing to do.
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lah0808, you know in your brain, you know in your gut, and you know in your heart. No matter what others feel, no one loves him more than you do. You are giving him the greatest gift by loving him enough to make this difficult decision. Please give yourself the gift of not second guessing yourself.
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Honestly it was a relief after I euthanized my QH. The anxiety, worry, and constant evaluation of how he was doing was a huge burden. Like creeping up to the top of your roller coaster - blindfolded. The guilt was before “did I do everything I could?” sort of thing. Don’t get me wrong, I grieved and I miss him terribly. But setting down the burden of being on death watch was a relief.
I realized one day the question isn’t “Can I get him through another winter?” (summer in your case) but “Should I…?” and I realized that while I probably could, I really shouldn’t.
My horse had a bone chip in one hock and I let him go in the fall because his hind end had gotten weak and I feared he could go down on the ice and not be able to get up. My current senior horse has seasonal allergy induced heaves and I will probably be letting him go in the spring before that gets bad when the time comes. Every year he needs a bit more help breathing and I know there will be a point when we can do nothing more.
When you can see the swift decline coming there’s no reason to wait.
I wrote a blog about letting my QH go. Back then we didn’t talk about it and the culture was always to offer alternative treatments when the subject came up. Maybe it will help you come to terms with your decision.
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When I’ve made the appointment in advance for my dogs, it was more of a relief. I think then it was out of my hands and now up to the vet.
And I know the constant worry over every little thing, wondering what new issue is coming, is it manageable, is this the end now??? You’ll be setting you mind free as well.
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I let my guy go today. I don’t think I feel relief but I guess it’s also not necessarily regret or guilt. Suddenly, I can’t help but wonder if I should have tried moving him to a new barn so he could be stalled during the day and he probably would have been more comfortable in the heat and bugs. Maybe I should have x-rayed his teeth to see exactly how bad the EOTRH was and if we could make a reasonable guess as to how much discomfort he was in already. Clearly there is no point to this train of thought but I can’t help thinking it either.
I do know for sure that he left this earth as comfortable as I could make him in his final days with literally so many treats today that he didn’t want to finish his bucket of them. He was in good weight and was pulling me around on the lead rope to graze as we waited for the vet. Maybe I could have or should have done more for him or maybe I did exactly what I should have done. I know at the very least I let him go out on a good day.
Thank you all for sharing, this thread really did help me make this extremely difficult decision.
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First {{hugs}} for you.
Please don’t second guess your decision. Horses live in ‘today’, not that tomorrow might be better. You have done exactly what you should have and think only that… he was spoiled, he was so very loved and he left today feeling good. How much better could it have been for him.
My heart aches for you
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Hugs
I know it is awful now. But. You did good.
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Don’t doubt yourself. You made the best decision for the horse.
Rebecca
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I am very sorry for your loss. It’s always so hard to see them go. Please know that you did the right thing by not waiting too late.
He was lucky to have you.
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Please don’t second guess yourself. You thought long and hard, and planned so that your guy had a peaceful passing. You gave him his best day, and likely had you kept him going no day would have been nearly as good. You did right by him. Never doubt that.
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Dont do that, dont dwell on coulda, shoulda, woulda or maybe mights.
So you let him go on a good day free from fear and pain instead of waiting until he was hurting so bad he could not get up? And you didnt choose to wait until be was in real trouble then make him wait for a vet? Soooo, what in that should make you doubt your choice or feel guilty?
You may find comfort in taking some of the money you would have spent on continuing vet care and making a donation in your late horse’s name to a good horse charity. That might sooth your heart and turn off negative thoughts. Certainly helped me a few times with fur babies.
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