LOL OMG these are hilarious. 
Luckily SO is not horsey so he will not read this.
15.2hh older TB, sensitive. Needs a good warmup but once on course he rides as good as ever. Needs extra rest days and lots of recovery maintenance - stretching, chiro, massage, occasional bute. Best in a constant (but not too heavy) program or old injuries flare up. Requires 300g blankets with hoods in winter, fly sheets in summer. Enjoys grooming, and has the best mane.
16.3 TB. Stallion, but not studish at all. Loves other horses and gets along with every member of the herd. Great with kids, cats, dogs…, anyone really!
Had some success on the track but not much of a fighter when it came to the bigger races. He retired from running sound, but needs all four shoes. Mane is a bit on the thin side so it requires special grooming.
Not brave enough for XC, but is a total showman in the ring and is a very careful jumper who never makes the same mistake twice. Great traveler who will calm other horses in the same trailer.
This horse prefers a cozy stall to bring outside and will make his displeasure known if he gets too chilly. No vices whatsoever, but he will be the chattiest fellow in the barn! He HATES bugs so lots of fly spray is needed.
Great eater and a bit of a hard keeper, but keeps a clean stall and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He loves a good mid-afternoon nap and beer mash. Great manners and a solid citizen all-around.
Older-style Warmblood Mare, lots of training and versatile. Gets nervous at shows but enjoys a change of scene. Easy keeper, serviceably sound but wont vet.
@BatCoach
I have one in my barn very similar to yours!
12yo 16.3H TB, bay with star, no other chrome. Competed through Intermediate after his racing days, now more comfortable at Training and below, needs a little maintenance and shoes all around. Not the dressage winner, but is workman like and rarely has jumping faults.
These days dabbles in some endurance rides, loves trail riding and hunter paces. Gets along with everyone in turnout, favorite in the barn, gentle with kids and other animals. Can loan him out as he will tolerate any rider and can take a joke but prefers a quiet ride. Needs a lot of turnout or will develop ulcers. Bit of a hard keeper, requires a lot of groceries and hay buffet but thankfully is not a picky eater. Hard on his blankets.
The kind of horse you could sell a million times, but this one is not available at any price.
@NaturalSelection aren’t they just the best? Not a world-beater by any means, but has a home at my barn for life.
I was going to add:
"really knows his job but definitely requires a confident rider to point in him the right direction and give him support. He can bit a bit of a kick ride if he is unsure of himself, but some verbal encouragement and positive reinforcement is all he needs. Will get nappy with overuse of crop. He can also take a joke and will try to make any distance work without punishing you for it later. He’s a favorite of all the service providers due to his kind nature. Oh - and he prefers a Hazy IPA in those beer mashes. He’s a bit of a beer snob 
"
17h leggy chestnut gelding with a beautiful flowing tail. Easy keeper. Loves trails, is okay with popping over the small jump now and then, hates dressage. Requires special shoes – farrier must be extremely knowledgeable and patient. Somewhat thin-skinned and needs to be blanketed once the weather changes. Likes to dunk his hay – kind of cute but pretty messy.
Flea bit PRE. High performer in his day but now discovering the joys of leading the way and calling the pace. Still excels at his job and will get used by top judges. Prefers solo performances over group classes and shuts down in crowded rings.
Content in warm weather, hates cold but kicks the stall if kept indoors. Does not require a lot of maintenance and perfectly content to be covered in mud, however very fussy about his surroundings and inclined to worry if things are not just so.
Good with kids and dogs. Warry of cats.
Bay 17.3 TB. Unmotivated at the track, but always happy to go XC. Does best with a quiet, confident rider - can be anxious going into new situations, but quickly settles down to work. Cute mover, great mane. Can get nappy if micromanaged. No maintenance, but needs some bribes for vetting. Definitely a one-person horse, he can be slow to warm up to strangers, but loves all other animals.
This horse is a pastry fiend! Skip the beer and bring on the donuts.
I’m a little concerned at the number of posters who listed their human partners as geldings.
Rebecca
Really? Quote? I didn’t see any.
OK, I have to admit. When I read the title I thought horse comments about THEIR partners (rider or owner). OMG! I’ll have to amend my post.
Blame it on the merlot.
Haha well I know it’s not exactly the same procedure, but my hubby has had a vasectomy, so gelding made sense to me!
OK, that makes sense! Thanks for the explanation.
Rebecca
yeah that tracks
To be clear: Mr. Zuzu’s Petals was never a Maclay finalist. He’s never been on a horse. I was likening his achievement in his profession. Alas: his relatively low-paying, long-hours, shrinking and increasingly-targeted-by-nutters profession.
These are cracking me up! Mine would be a mid aged QH. A real all around type. Steady temperament and smart although not the most athletic on the lot due to some soundness issues. A horse that you can really rely on to be the same type of ride no matter how much time off.
Not the fanciest mount but worth his weight in gold.
Gentle stallion, beautiful, athletic and sound with no buck, bolt, rear, or spook. A wonderful ride. Does not tolerate rough handling. Requires rider who is soft and kind. Loves to work hard and hack out especially in the forest. Very sweet with impeccable ground manners. Loves other animals, especially kitties. Prefers handling by women and does not play well with most geldings.
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