Its no secret that the horsey lifestyle takes much of our time and finances - more so if you are competing. While I don’t mind falling into a time warp at the barn and spending 5 hours there when I had planned on only spending 2, I understand how this could affect my non-horsey husband. I don’t bat an eye when I need to pay for saddle fitters, chiro and vet bills, but I’m sure those totals would shock my frugal husband. We have our finances separate and split payments for our mutual bills and rent, but what we do with the rest is up to us.
If he was truly honest, Mr. Batcoach would likely admit that we probably would be in a better place fiscally if I didn’t have a horse, but he knows how much horses are a part of me and how important this horse is. Unless you are independently wealthy, there has to be a joint understanding that owning a horse will be a drain on someone’s paycheck. Both partners have to be OK with that, even if each is bringing their own money to the table.
Like someone said earlier you have to be a good partner. I laid out my ‘barn schedule’ to Mr. Batcoach so he knew what evenings I would be coming home late. When I added a gym routine, I talked to him about it first since it would cut in on our evenings together. Same with when I added an extra lesson time. To be clear, I’m, not asking him for permission to do these things - I’m asking if he is ok with the fact that we will have less quality time after our day jobs since I am trying to be a better rider and that takes time working on fitness in and out of the saddle.
We only have so much free time in the week. While I need to work on my time-consuming horse goals, I also need to spend quality time with the Mr. So when we do have free time together I’m fine doing what he wants. Sure - I’d rather be at the barn than chipping every shot at a golf course, but its something he enjoys so I’m happy to plod around the course and provide comic relief with my terrible playing. He’s really good at letting me know if we have spent too many days not connecting, and when that happens, I’ll cancel my barn plans so we can eat dinner or go on a date night together. Its all a balance of compromises, but it certainly can work.
It DEFINITELY helps if both partners are secure and independent. Mr. Batcoach’s response to me spending more time at the gym and barn was to use that free time at home by himself to start studying for an additional certification at his job. He will never be a horsey guy who hangs out at the barn, but he supports me by being an awesome guy who understands the importance and need to follow what you find fulfilling.I think it helps that we spent the early years of our marriage juggling school and opposite work schedules (me morning and him nights) so we are used to not spending many hours together, but maximizing time spent together when we do get it.
