Whether or not your intention is to defend Eddie, your statements read as a defense. “He wasn’t a monster” “He was always a gentleman with me”
By making these statements you are diluting the awfulness of his crimes.
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I did not read farmpony84’s statements as a “defense.” I did not see it as "diluting the awfulness of his crimes. I believe farmpony84 is horrified to read about the man that they (plural pronoun) knew.
I can simply understand how it’s possible that someone didn’t see that side of him. Did he assault ALL of the young girls, trainers, barn owners, barn managers, and clients that he had? If not, and if stories/gossip weren’t going around all of the barns where he worked, it’s possible that some or many people were unaware of the things he was doing–it doesn’t excuse or minimize the sexual assaults.
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Thanks for posting the screen shots.
I wonder about defense lawyers. What causes them to defend people like this. Is it because the law is a big game to them and getting someone off makes them feel smarter than the system?
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Don’t remember but there is a fabulous and creepy book called “The Stranger Beside Me” by Ann Rule who knew and liked TB when he was an up and comer in Seattle politics. IIRC it was made into a film and/or documentary (or both). Her thoughts are fascinating and great reading.
How somebody that good looking, charismatic and well spoken on the surface could be evil incarnate underneath is fascinating concept. Some gal actually fell under his spell married him when he was in prison.
Great read.
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Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience.
I think it can be incredibly disturbing and challenging for people to accept that somebody they have “known” for years had a truly horrible dark side of themselves that they kept hidden.
But… that’s how many many predators are. Very charming. Very likable. Very good at drawing in people.
It’s comforting to believe that we would all spot a predator if we came across one. But… that’s not how it works.
And yes… the 80’s and 90’s were very different. I grew up riding in that era and was dropped off at barns and in programs and left unsupervised for long days. My teenaged daughter now rides. And though it’s still a wonderful sport… she’s having a very different experience. In many respects, that’s a good thing.
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This was my reading of @farmpony84’s post. Not disbelieving or minimizing the victims; musing about how ordinary and decent predators can appear to those who are not their victims. And it is an important point.
In so many stories we read/hear about people who cannot believe a predator is one, because their experience with that person is so different. However obvious it may be to many that a predator does not go around broadcasting the fact, It still seems worthwhile to repeat that.
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Your post is important because it highlights EXACTLY how predators work: making sure that they are gracious and gentlemanly or charming and thoughtful to a wide swath of people that they interact with to preemptively insulate themselves from any accusations that might crop up.
The shocking nature of this story coming out isn’t shocking at all, that’s reliably what predators do. And I am thankful that thanks to Safe Sport, people understand that this is how grooming works. The predator doesn’t just groom their victim, they groom an entire community.
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I think @farmpony84 post and the following discussion is on point - it is absolutely congruent with a predator to be charming and well-liked on one face and a monster on another. Therefore, we need to believe and support the victims and recognize how the creeps can be in plain sight. I think it’s a step forward in our societal “education” to see the duplicity. It should give more support to the victims, not take it away.
It’s saying “wow, that is not the face I saw of the guy - he was very skilled at hiding the creepy - I am so sorry this happened to you - please don’t blame yourself - he fooled us all”
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I appreciate Farmpony84’s perspective, as others have said the perpetrator of SA crimes is often exactly as they described: a ‘nice guy’, “I’d never have guessed!”, “That’s unbelievable!” because, well, that’s their experience. They were not excusing the behavior, simply showing that so many times, those adjacent to these criminals do not see “that” person. They see the personable expert or great guy that they are intended to see. That’s why victims themselves are often so reluctant to say anything and why folks support the criminal until the evidence is so overwhelming. It’s an age-old conundrum.
This farrier obviously was good at both his job and his ability to fool those around him. So glad he has finally been brought to justice.
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Because the US guarantees due process and public defenders are assigned to clients to ensure they receive it. Most of their job entails making sure their client is fairly represented and receives appropriate sentencing if found guilty. In cases like this where you have a confession and pretty obvious guilt, their focus will be on the latter and to ensure the confession was acquired legally.
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I admit I was triggered by @farmpony84 ‘s posts and I apologize if my pushback was offensive to her or anyone else.
I recognize that the triggering came from two places:
Remembering the conversation I had with my friend who was victimized by him all those years ago, and the guilt and helplessness I felt for not being able to fix the situation.
Seeing people I know and used to respect honoring him with accolades even after his confession was known. One lady, a mother of daughters herself, even posted his obituary on FB with the comment “so sorry that b!tch ruined your life at the end!”
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Holy Moly!!! Yeah, I can see where that might make you defensive and quick to push back. It’s tough to admit that the person you know and perhaps loved is a rapist, etc. I do know that there are nuances to many situations and the general public and even those tangentially connected might not know about, but this situation doesn’t seem to have an ambiguities.
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I can’t even imagine reacting in such a manner. 
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This is a general reminder that women are some of the biggest offenders in the patriarchy of tearing down, gaslighting, not believing, and villainizing other women.
@2bayboys I am so, so sorry you’ve had to face those types of comments–it’s stomach turning. I also deeply admire you doing some self-reflection on your reaction and sharing your perspective. Great example to set on the internet and otherwise. 
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I let out an audible gasp when I read that last part.
Without knowing the actual person in question or anything about him, I’m guessing a lot of people had a very different reaction when they saw his obituary.
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In a system where “good” girls are protected and “bad” girls are allowed to be abused by men without repercussion it’s important to state clearly which type of girl and which side you are on. Some people just don’t think more deeply than that. Most maybe. Not very admirable but easy to see why.
@farmpony84 many years ago a local handyman who had done work for tons of people in my area raped and tried to murder a teenager, and subsequently we all found out it was not the first time. It was an enormous shock because he’d been in so many of our homes. I lived in a barn apartment at the time and he’s spent a couple weeks leveling stalls while I was home alone with practically no door locks. I vividly remember seeing it on the local news and the phone ringing off the hook all morning as we all called each other to reassure each other we hadn’t known. We never saw anything amiss! A few people suddenly claimed they always though there was something off but no-one believed them. He had truly tricked all of us. I think its human nature to re-evaluate and discuss when something like this happens. You think - how could I not have known? What should I do differently? I really didn’t know! It rocks your day-to-day feeling of safety and your belief in your ability to handle things.
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I think that’s a big part of it.
People like to think that they are smart enough to recognize when something is amiss, or that they would not be so foolish and gullible as to fall for somebody’s line of bull.
So I think it’s a shock that requires a big mental adjustment to realize they were also taken in by somebody who fooled a lot of people.
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Not about this man or at that time, but a LOT of the mothers knew. Back in the mid 1960s I think other mothers warned my mother that predators went after girl riders, so I was not allowed to ride horses (all she would tell me was pretty vague warnings).
At the same time these adult women allowed their daughters to go out on dates, with no chaperones, with randy high school boys, with the boy driving the girl around in a car. My mother got after me because no boy ever asked me on a date.
These women would have little hesitation in sullying the reputation of a woman or girl, but they usually would not talk that way about an individual man.
Go figure, double standards ruled back then.
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That’s horrible! She was told to stay away rather than the barn owner firing the farrier? That’s some sh!t.
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