If things do get worse, would you consider speaking to the BO about moving your horse somewhere else undisclosed for a month (just to get that “cut” of ties). You could be taking him for training, for a vacation, to use the facilities, or whatever - just getting away for a bit.
Prefacing by saying I didn’t read all the posts after the OP’s BUT…
I want to believe you OP I really do however , IMHO even in your accounting of what is going on things don’t add up.
You let her hack your horse… then you were worried about the horse being tacked up properly suddenly at a show because of “his back”
I would assume if you previously let her hack your horse you as a responsible owner with a horse with THAT sensitive of a back would have gone over how to fit is saddle just right etc.
I don’t buy it and I’m going to go with somewhere in the middle lies the truth.
[QUOTE=Blugal;7165936]
If things do get worse, would you consider speaking to the BO about moving your horse somewhere else undisclosed for a month (just to get that “cut” of ties). You could be taking him for training, for a vacation, to use the facilities, or whatever - just getting away for a bit.[/QUOTE]
Nice idea! I recommend it’s somewhere where you can park behind the barn, so if she happens to be driving by, she doesn’t see your car and bring the crazy to yet another facility!
Forgot: turn off the “check-in” or locator feature on your cell phone.
Oh God. I would likely move because I hate drama and confrontation.
Since you have already raised with the BO and she was not concerned although you have been there for 15 years!!! wow.
Just tell the \bo why you are leaving and try to leave the door open so you can come back later when nutbar is gone
Short of having sex with your SO in front of the woman, the only thing you can do is offend her. Sorry, but it’s true. I once worked with a very nice person who developed a creepy attraction for me. She was divorced with grown kids, and I thought she had a life with friends and family. So we’d have coffee at work, lunch together unless I was going out with male co-workers, etc. Well it got to the point she wanted to do things outside of work. no way. I had a boyfriend, and he was a PITA who kept me busy outside of work.
Finally one day at work I just hid (chicken, yes) from her at lunchtime. We didn’t work in the same office, but did work together most days of the weekday. she went ballistic when someone told her I’d already gone to lunch. she was running around saying I could not “get away with that.” I just cut off all relationship with her after that. I did my work, and when I had to consult with her, I was professional but that was it. She transferred out of the business saying I’d been mean to her. The woman never hit on me, but it was so weird that I was uncomfortable.
I’d be worried about your horse though. So be careful how you detach/distance yourself from the woman. You don’t want the bunny in the pot on the stove!!!:eek: And I’m serious. People will injure animals to “get back” at you for perceived snubs.
[QUOTE=Lynnwood;7165962]
Prefacing by saying I didn’t read all the posts after the OP’s BUT…
I want to believe you OP I really do however , IMHO even in your accounting of what is going on things don’t add up.
You let her hack your horse… then you were worried about the horse being tacked up properly suddenly at a show because of “his back”
I would assume if you previously let her hack your horse you as a responsible owner with a horse with THAT sensitive of a back would have gone over how to fit is saddle just right etc.
I don’t buy it and I’m going to go with somewhere in the middle lies the truth.[/QUOTE]
Sorry, I left out details that I thought would be insignificant in order to save you from reading a novel of a post. On the occasions that she rode my horse for me, I was on vacation and trainer ensured that saddle fit was correct before she got on, something that I had arranged previously with the two of them. He doesn’t become insta-lame if the saddle is a bit less than perfect for a ride or two on the flat, so I wasn’t super concerned. At a horse show, I really prefer that I’m the one to put the saddle on, especially if it’s going to make a difference in the quality of my round that I’m paying for (and his comfort level while jumping some relatively big sticks). Just a personal preference.
Not sure why some posters always seem to be on the hunt for discrepancies, holes and trollish people. Some of us are actually looking for advice, not just trying to stir the proverbial pot. 
Just tell us she is not a Cother!
[QUOTE=shezabrazenmare;7165999]
Just tell us she is not a Cother![/QUOTE]
I hope not…or else tonight at the barn might suck.
Ok so my friend told me about this post because I FREQUENTLY would log into my Facebook and would have hand to God 17+ comments and likes from this lady I worked for as a fill-in briefly in the business world. I just deleted her from my friends list. End of story.
I dated a guy like this myself. I started out being nice. ‘Look I’m sorry I sort of led you on but I don’t think we should be more than friends.’ That escalated to him stalking me. Which led to me being rude. Which led to my very large and scary uncles threatening his life. He went so far as to befriend my boyfriend at the time and do EVERYTHING I was against (strip bars, tattoos, motorcycles, etc) to make said boyfriend break up with me and he’d get me back. It’s been around 15 years and this behavior hasn’t changed.
Point being, she’s not going to change. You need to be firm but honest. You do need to talk to her about this. I would strongly suggest a witness and a neutral location such as Starbucks. Just unfriending her on Facebook and trying to change your schedule isn’t enough. You have to be brutal and honest. As uncomfortable as that 20 minutes of conversation will be, it’ll be better than HOURS of uncomfortable at what should be your ‘safe place’.
Do it now. Before this chick turns you into a wallet.
Wow, after reading all the responses my thought is that you need
to move your horse ASAP. The barn seems to be the main place you see this girl and interact with her, so wouldn’t make sense just to get the heck away from her? I know this is a major inconvenience for you, but I feel it is the safest solution, especially for your horse! You wouldn’t leave your child in a daycare where you had a creepy stalker, am I right?
I’m 49 and I have to tell you that as you get older you are a lot more guarded about letting people into your life and knowing your personal business. I also don’t post my whereabouts on Facebook
until a few weeks after the fact. It’s a good way to get robbed!
Also I think Facebook can be a catalyst for this type of person to be jealous about who your spending your time with and what your doing. Stay safe!
[QUOTE=arabracer;7166028]
Wow, after reading all the responses my thought is that you need
to move your horse ASAP. The barn seems to be the main place you see this girl and interact with her, so wouldn’t make sense just to get the heck away from her? I know this is a major inconvenience for you, but I feel it is the safest solution, especially for your horse! You wouldn’t leave your child in a daycare where you had a creepy stalker, am I right?
I’m 49 and I have to tell you that as you get older you are a lot more guarded about letting people into your life and knowing your personal business. I also don’t post my whereabouts on Facebook
until a few weeks after the fact. It’s a good way to get robbed!
Also I think Facebook can be a catalyst for this type of person to be jealous about who your spending your time with and what your doing. Stay safe![/QUOTE]
The problem with leaving for me is that I’m very tied to my trainer and my barn, and it’s the only one in my area that provides the level of training/attends the shows that I currently do. Barn currently has a waiting list to get in.
If I left (for more than a month or two, in which I’d have to pay to keep my dry stall) and then she ended up leaving at some point down the road (which I’m sure is inevitable - these types of people never last in one place) I’d be stuck with just trying to get back in on the waiting list, which sounds like a pretty dismal situation to me. Trainer runs a very busy program and doesn’t travel to outside barns to teach. I think the next closest one that I’d consider anyways in terms of level of care/amenities that I have now for my horse is at least an hour away. My current commute is ten minutes.
I know that by staying, she has access to my horse and my stuff, but…
All I can say is, be careful. If you don’t stop the bleeding now, you’re going to have a messy wound on your hands.
[QUOTE=Alter me this;7165602]
I’m female, loony tunes is female, SO is male. SO thinks she’s a complete kook and doesn’t want to go to any social functions if he knows she’s going to be there. The last time they were at the same social gathering, she had cornered my SO and interrogated him about why he hadn’t added her back on Facebook.
My barn is pretty busy so I’m generally not too worried about being alone with her there or anything. So far, she hasn’t tried to pull the moves on me, but she’s VERY interested in every aspect of my life, including my relationship with SO.[/QUOTE]
If this loony tune was 14 years old, I’d say she just had a hero-worship “crush” on you and was insanely jealous.
But since you’re both adults, and she doesn’t seem to have a clue as to how she’s coming off, I think what you’ve got here is a very deeply closeted and maladjusted lesbian who’s actually in denial and fooling herself!
What I would do:
Because she’s an employee, that makes it easier since it does affect her employment at the barn, and you need to document the behavior. Call a formal, sit-down meeting with Stella Luna and the barn owner or manager. Say you need to clear the air.
And then–I would ask her to her face, in the presence of a witness, what she wants from you and why she is “stalking” you in this creepy, peculiar manner. Tell her point-blank that if what she seeks is a lesbian relationship, you are hetero and that’s not going to happen–now or ever and she needs to accept that and leave you alone. Tell her you are sorry if you ever unwittingly gave her the impression you were interested in her “that way,” and that her fixation on your every move makes you very uncomfortable, it’s unacceptable and it MUST stop.
CLEARLY STATE in the presence of the BM or BO: That she is to stay away from your gear, your horse, your riding times and to cease disrupting your life at social functions FROM NOW or you will be changing barns. I think if she wants to keep her job, this will be enough to make her “get it.” (You may want to brief the BM as to what’s been going on before the three of you have this little conversation, to make sure you have backup). I’m betting the BM will give her an ultimatum PDQ.
The equation should be, either she knocks off the stalker act completely or she’s (a) fired and (b) gets kicked out as a customer besides. YOU should not have to change barns!
As a BO myself, having a person on my place working this kind of an act would make my skin crawl–just the same as if a male client was obsessively “stalking” a female or vice-versa.
Anyway, FWIW, I think that’s what you’ve got.
Also, just avoid FB completely. It’s a juvenile mess that begets more of same.
[QUOTE=Alter me this;7166039]
The problem with leaving for me is that I’m very tied to my trainer and my barn, and it’s the only one in my area that provides the level of training/attends the shows that I currently do. Barn currently has a waiting list to get in.
If I left (for more than a month or two, in which I’d have to pay to keep my dry stall) and then she ended up leaving at some point down the road (which I’m sure is inevitable - these types of people never last in one place) I’d be stuck with just trying to get back in on the waiting list, which sounds like a pretty dismal situation to me. Trainer runs a very busy program and doesn’t travel to outside barns to teach. I think the next closest one that I’d consider anyways in terms of level of care/amenities that I have now for my horse is at least an hour away. My current commute is ten minutes.
I know that by staying, she has access to my horse and my stuff, but…[/QUOTE]
Again, perhaps I am being naive here, but if you’ve been at this barn for 15 years, then I am assuming your concerns (+ those of other boarders) would outweigh BO asking this person to leave? Seems like a lot of back bending to accommodate one person who only has ties to one person at this barn…
This is like a lifetime movie waiting to happen. You know what I would do? I would talk to the loony tune WITH the BO present. Could you do that? Perhaps if the BO was there it would a) give you a reliable witness in case she loses it and b) clue the girl in that she is being watched. Heck, maybe it would upset her enough that she would leave!
This may echo previous input but maybe a consensus will add up to a plan:
- Involve the Barn Owner and your Trainer (if they are two different people).
- Set a meeting time when all of you can sit together. You, Barn Owner, Trainer and the young lady in question.
- Bring some coffee and donuts or other goodies to set a more friendly tone.
- This needs to be in the nature of an intervention with everyone together as much for a “witness” as to be sure the message is unified. I know Barn Owner is probably getting some cheap labor out of the nutcase, but she needs to know that legally, if she has actual knowledge, or reason to know, that an employee of hers presents a danger to others, and continues to engage her without taking action, Barn Owner can be liable to some degree for the foreseeable harm that may arise. Barn Owner might inquire of her counsel about this aspect of the situation before she decides not to get involved.
- At this meeting the tone is “we all appreciate the help you have offered to this boarder in the past, but it’s (a) not in your job description, (b) not what the arrangement is that this boarder has with the stable, and © making this boarder a bit uncomfortable. Please do not tack up this horse or take care of any of this rider’s tack or equipment, unless you are specifically asked to. Those are the parameters of your work as far as this horse is concerned, and if you cannot honor that you will need to find another place to board and work.” Since there is a waiting list to get into the barn, why would Barn Owner care if she loses this one? The downside of losing her is exceeded by a tremendous upside of (a) keeping a 15-year client and (b) being able to choose from a waiting list of better boarders and I bet some of them will work off their part of board, too. I’d keep this conversation professional about what goes on at the barn and hopefully the message wil sink in so that the “social” side of it takes care of itself.
[QUOTE=2horseygirls;7166082]
Again, perhaps I am being naive here, but if you’ve been at this barn for 15 years, then I am assuming your concerns (+ those of other boarders) would outweigh BO asking this person to leave? Seems like a lot of back bending to accommodate one person who only has ties to one person at this barn…[/QUOTE]
I agree, and that’s why I think I shouldn’t be the one that has to leave. This was my happy place that I unwittingly invited her into (ugh…) and I don’t want to have to leave now.
Taking into account other people’s suggestions, I think my approach will be
- Silent treatment/cut ties/be blunt and honest about needing my own space
If things escalate/she gets worse/won’t leave me alone:
- Tell BO that it’s her or me. She needs to go.
If things escalate/I’m on the verge of becoming a skin suit/BO hasn’t escorted her out:
- I’ll move…but I really really don’t want it to get to this point. I really like my skin.
[QUOTE=shezabrazenmare;7165999]
Just tell us she is not a Cother![/QUOTE]
Sorry, but I did literally laugh out loud at that one.
If you don’t want to have a big confrontation, maybe try the horseman’s version of “It’s not you, it’s me.” Something like, “This is the only time I have to spend with Dobbin, and I really want to concentrate on my horse when I’m at the barn and do everything for him myself.” Then just do that and ignore her other than saying hello/goodbye. If she’s there all the time, it sounds like there is no point trying to avoid her.
[QUOTE=Alter me this;7166095]
I agree, and that’s why I think I shouldn’t be the one that has to leave. This was my happy place that I unwittingly invited her into (ugh…) and I don’t want to have to leave now.
Taking into account other people’s suggestions, I think my approach will be
- Silent treatment/cut ties/be blunt and honest about needing my own space
If things escalate/she gets worse/won’t leave me alone:
- Tell BO that it’s her or me. She needs to go.
If things escalate/I’m on the verge of becoming a skin suit/BO hasn’t escorted her out:
- I’ll move…but I really really don’t want it to get to this point. I really like my skin.[/QUOTE]
Sounds like you’ve already tried the passive-aggressive approach and she doesn’t want to get it. I would strongly urge you to sit down with the BO and explain the situation. I’m betting that given you are a long-standing client the BO will take care of Luna. You seem like a non-confrontational type and I understand that, but this person needs a direct order from someone to knock it the boothooks off!
Put it this way–if a creepy guy was hitting on you in a bar, you’d handle it by telling him in no uncertain terms, right? Same deal, different fruitbat!
[QUOTE=shezabrazenmare;7165991]
Finally one day at work I just hid (chicken, yes) from her at lunchtime. [/QUOTE]
For some reason I read this and thought the stalker friend brought in some cooked chicken and you went in the fridge, took it out, and hid it. And I was like “wow, loss of chicken sends people over the edge I guess.”
Carry on, I just found that very strangely funny.
