Getting along with others in a barn

[doublesstable]

[QUOTE=besttwtbever;6909496]
I think the key to everyone getting along in any scenario, boils down to two simple (or not so simple for some) things; honesty, and communication.

If you’re honest and up front, and can communicate that in an effective and tactful fashion then you will go far in any situation you may encounter.[/QUOTE]

Honestly I just skimmed over this thread wondering what is was all about and it seems the question - getting along with others - can’t happen in a thread due to lack of understanding. Ironic LOL

I agree communication is important but more important if communication doesn’t work you must be able to “tolerate” others, avoid confrontation and enjoy your horse because every place you go in life will have personalities you might not like.

[alterhorse]

[QUOTE=Kadenz;6909503]
LOL, OP, your posts all read like undergrad term papers. Except even there, the professor will expect you to write in ACTIVE VOICE. How one can wax philosophical without understanding a basic rule of writing is beyond me.

ETA: OP, active voice means that a sentence is structured thusly: Subject, verb, object. In active voice, the subject of the sentence is active; the SUBJECT (subject) DOES (verb) STUFF (object). This is the standard, accepted “best practice” way of writing: in everyday life, in academia, everywhere.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=ldaziens;6909505]I am so sorry that you are being forced at gunpoint to read this thread and respond to the OP. I can see how that would be very frustrating for you.

Passive Voice

http://writingcenter.unc.edu/handouts/passive-voice/

*Note the myths about passive voice :rolleyes:

The real key to success is to treat each person in the way that s/he wishes to be treated as it may very well differ from the approach that you would personally prefer. If effective communication was easy & innate, there would not be countless books/seminars/etc. on communication, team building, and leadership – not to mention marriage and parenting :winkgrin:[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=FineAlready;6909540]This might help explain passive voice a bit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_passive_voice

The sentence meup quoted is in passive voice, for example.[/QUOTE]

Thank you for helping me (begin to) understand how to avoid writing in a passive voice!

Rules for sentence construction are not something that I have thought a lot about.

But now that I have read several of these articles, I’m hoping to be able to write sentences that have a greater probability of being interpreted as intended.

[doublesstable]

[QUOTE=alterhorse;6909665]
Thank you for helping me (begin to) understand how to avoid writing in a passive voice!

Rules for sentence construction are not something that I have thought a lot about.

But now that I have read several of these articles, I’m hoping to be able to write sentences that have a greater probability of being interpreted as intended.

:)[/QUOTE]

I was just talking to my hubby yesterday about writing via email or text… he avoids it at all costs because he says it’s hard to read into how the person is writing something and may be interpreted incorrectly.

[alterhorse]

[QUOTE=doublesstable;6909711]
I was just talking to my hubby yesterday about writing via email or text… he avoids it at all costs because he says it’s hard to read into how the person is writing something and may be interpreted incorrectly.[/QUOTE]

I wonder if people run written language through some kind of mental pre-filter while reading, that visually isolates strings of commonly used text so that the mind sees the meaning it’s accustomed to for whole strings, and doesn’t bother to read the individual words unless the mind can’t squash the words to fit into one of it’s pre-existing recognition templates.

That might explain why formatting sentences to a standard structure makes sentences easier to read and interpret.

[besttwtbever]

[QUOTE=doublesstable;6909711]
I was just talking to my hubby yesterday about writing via email or text… he avoids it at all costs because he says it’s hard to read into how the person is writing something and may be interpreted incorrectly.[/QUOTE]

I agree with your hubby 100%. I MUCH prefer speaking to someone over the phone or in person. Unfortunately I see that going by the wayside these days.

[AnnaClare]

There is so much different drama going around the barn this week…From sad to annoying. First off my friend is having to choose between her horses because she can only have one…which is sad to see her stressed out…she really needs my help at this time of sadness. How can I help her?

[ladyj79]

@AnnaClare

There is so much different drama going around the barn this week…From sad to annoying. First off my friend is having to choose between her horses because she can only have one…which is sad to see her stressed out…she really needs my help at this time of sadness. How can I help her?

You have bumped a five year old thread, but I suggest spinning this story into an amazing YA novel because it has all the elements of a saddle club story, and plus you can use the proceeds to save the farm! Er, give your friend money so she can keep both horses!

[Farosh]

I really enjoy the environment where I ride and work now. People are really nice and supportive and for the most part everyone gets along really well.
We do big holiday parties and potlucks, trips to the lake for a swim with the lesson horses, and EVERYONE who rides 2+ times a week gets a birthday cake where everyone sings and the birthday person gets their face smashed in the cake lol. Including trainers. I’m actually trying to figure out a way to organize a mothly laser tag session with outdoor nerf laser tag guns lol.
I really enjoy it, as much as showing is competing against other people I’ve always felt like it was more of a competition with myself. I never really felt competitive with other people who showed in my division as a kid because I just always feel like if I got beat, or even if I won, there was always something I could have done better. When I’ve had friends who showed against me every weekend I’ve always tried to bring them up and make them feel good about themselves if I thought they were feeling down. I think creating a positive environment is maybe a little easier in barns that primarily do the jumpers where money is less of an issue, especially because all of our lesson horses who are available for very affordable half leases are super competitive in the jumpers.

But one thing that struck me when talking to the barn owners was when they told me that they kicked out very profitable but nightmare, toxic boarders in the very beginning when they had nothing. Looking back at barns where I’ve been I feel like barn drama always starts with those types of people, but people keep them around because of the money. Idk, I’ve never owned my own barn or boarding facility but I think sometimes being willing to get toxic people out of your space at your own expense is more valuable than the short term money they bring in.

[atr]

Having my face smashed into a cake at the barn would turn me into a toxic boarder very quickly.

[alterhorse]

@atr

Having my face smashed into a cake at the barn would turn me into a toxic boarder very quickly.

Sounds like some sort of frat induction ceremony.

[mvp]

@alterhorse

I agree with the communication aspect.

What confuses me are those who seem to be capable of higher level communication skills, yet seem to want some sort of conflict, and then go on to create it.

What purpose does conflict serve?

I suppose it’s likely some behavioral trait that serves some purpose in other aspects of certain peoples lives, that then gets dumped into the barn environment simply because it’s how a particular person functions in general.

What evolutionary advantage is there in creating drama in a community?

I’d like to hear some speculation about that…

One man’s “wants conflict” is another man’s legitimate problem.

I find it safer to do no theorizing about anyone’s motives. But if you want to scapegoat or alienate someone, this is a good way to start… and make yourself believe that some people really are just not friendly or whatever.

Beyond that, I think the key elements of a well-functioning barn are:

1. Good leadership— even-handed, clear and generally into people since this is a customer service job.

2. A shared standard of care. Again, the “one rotten apple” boarder that people like to find (read scapegoat?) is usually the person who wants to do their horsemanship in a way that’s way different from what the rest of the barn (boarders and management) think is acceptable…

And that leads back to the first point: When management manages, the boarders don’t have any reason to judge or police their peers because that’s already being done by the very person they hired!

[alterhorse]

@alterhorse

I agree with the communication aspect.

What confuses me are those who seem to be capable of higher level communication skills, yet seem to want some sort of conflict, and then go on to create it.

What purpose does conflict serve?

I suppose it’s likely some behavioral trait that serves some purpose in other aspects of certain peoples lives, that then gets dumped into the barn environment simply because it’s how a particular person functions in general.

What evolutionary advantage is there in creating drama in a community?

I’d like to hear some speculation about that…

Dear “five years ago Alterhorse”…

This is yourself speaking to you “from the future”.

I now have the answer to your question…

It’s because some people feel better about themselves by putting other people down.

If someone is a better rider, a better trainer, a better groom, better at clipping, braiding, or any other thing one can be good at with horses. There just might be someone else in that particular barn who is jealous of the talents of another. And rather than try to be better, they sabotage the more talented individual because they have low self esteem.

It’s because having anyone better around, makes it hard for them to keep their pretend “how great they think they are” ego inflated. And messes with their ability to fool all the less experienced riders, “and themselves”, into thinking that they actually know what they are doing.

But all worked out really well for all of us in the end, because we all ended up just where each of us needed to be.

It’s funny how sometimes things seem to happen for a reason. Like a guardian angle looking after us, pushing us towards a better path, even though we were not aware that things would be so much better elsewhere at that time.

Don’t worry Alterhorse from the distant past. Everything is going to be just fine!

[Denali6298]

@atr

Having my face smashed into a cake at the barn would turn me into a toxic boarder very quickly.

Ha ha! Same! It sounds like a barn with a lot of kids.

@alterhorse I am glad it all worked out:)

[mmeqcenter]

@atr

Having my face smashed into a cake at the barn would turn me into a toxic boarder very quickly.

uH, same :eek::no:

[Scribbler]

Spam flagged.