Oops on the title, can’t seem to fix on my phone 
Asking for a friend, really, as I know zip about goats 
8or9yo pygmy doe has developed a swelling on one side of her udder.
Not hot or hard, so Google, DVM seems to R/O mastitis.
OTOH, infection or abcess may be likely causes.
Or possible hematoma?
She has never been milked or had a kid AFAO(wner)K.
My advice was at least call the vet.
What else could it be?
Well, an udder infection is, by definition, mastitis.
That said, at her age, I wouldn’t rule out neoplasia, either.
A veterinary exam would be a good first step.
I agree that a vet call would be best.
For those of us with goats, the title is perfect. They are often the perpetrators.
Just here to see these goat perps. What was the crime? Feed room breaking and entering? Head butting assault?
In all seriousness, I hope the goat feels better soon. And your title gave me a laugh.
Look up “precocious udder”, see if that looks like a fit. My father-in-law has a goat with that. It’s challenging, they have not found a solution other than trying to milk her to relieve the pressure.
She needs to see a vet and go from there. Agree with Ghazzu re: concern for neoplasia in this goat, especially considering her age. If the owner is interested in advanced care, diagnostics including biopsy and staging etc are available at certain universities and goat mastectomies are also fairly routinely performed in some cases.
My goats are frequently perpetrators. I am in love with them anyway.
Agree, call the vet! Hope she takes your advice.
It is hard to get a vet with goat specialty, I go to our university for anything more than vaccines. This may not require a specialist, but that is an option depending on where you are.
Agree! Those buggers are all criminally-inclined!
Thanks, All!
@EssexFells - Googled & that could be likely. I’ll pass the info along.
Owner is of the OG (Guard, not Goat) school where vet is generally a last resort.
To complicate things further, their OG vet just retired.
If my vet can take them on - she’s pretty busy, took me on just 2yrs ago saying “no more clients!” - she does treat alternative farm species. 
That said, they have recently taken 2 horses to the local vet college, one for diagnostics & then treatment, the other for diagnostics.
So if local vet won’t treat, that could be an option.
LOL!
Yeah, I get “perps”
I have wanted a goat since I moved here, but all my fencing would have to change & unless I win a lottery…
To clarify, they and their vet have not found a solution. I didn’t want to give the impression that they were not getting treatment from a vet. Hopefully Mr. OG will do the same–Thanks @2DogsFarm for doing what you can to facilitate that outcome.If nothing else, if it turns out to be precocious udder, and given the challenging prognosis, he could euth. This is a very painful condition.
Well, I’ve done what I could: passed along the info on precocious udder, stressing how any infection can go South fast!
I’ll keep being a pest, asking how the goat - her name is Daisy - is doing 
Kid (not really, he’s 35) calls me almost daily - checking in w/“Granmaw”.
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