Help, I need advice!

[Crystalfountaineq]

@pony grandma

Sorry about that! The rambling in my head came out onto the forum in a mess! I’ll work on that for next time!
”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹Thanks so much for your advice also!

You can go back and edit your 1st post. Just use the enter key! to make those paragraph spaces. We all hate the I can’t find what line I’m reading style [/QUOTE]

I didn’t realize that! Thank you! I think I fixed it

[4LeafCloverFarm]

@Crystalfountaineq

I didn’t realize that! Thank you! I think I fixed it

It looks much better now! Thank you.

[IPEsq]

At a minimum, she should be paying you to ride daughter’s horse. It sounds more like it’s part of your job description not one of the “free” perks. That said, I think you have given them ample time to act on their promises, and if you can find a better situation, jump at it.

[OneTwoMany]

@Crystalfountaineq

Thanks for your response, and you’re absolutely right. I’m just a very non confrontational person unfortunately and I’m afraid to quit. I feel a lot of pressure because I’m the only person who can do a lot of the tasks and I don’t know how easily she’ll be able to find a replacement. As someone who would love to work in the horse industry however and am going to college for equine management I’m afraid of tarnishing my first long term reference in that job field. A lot of it is just me being a coward which is something I’ll need to overcome

Don’t feel guilty that you are the only person that can perform certain jobs at the farm. You aren’t to blame. The barn owner made that decision. Approach things in a professional manner and let the chips fall where they may.

If the current situation is unsalvageable and you need to leave, put some feelers out. Go on interviews. When you are offered the right job, give your two weeks notice. Be gracious. Offer to train your replacement. Thank the owner for their contribution to your education and tell them your life/interests have changed and you need to move on to the next chapter.

Some well meaning folks might recommend you tell the owner you found a new job when you haven’t. Be careful about telling the owner anything that is untrue. Untruths have a way of being found out and you should try to be honest when possible.

Finally, it isn’t uncommon for future employers to contact past employers. So try to leave on a good note if you can. Be professional. Give notice. Be gracious. If the owner doesn’t respond in kind, don’t sweat it. In the long run, you’re better off taking the high road.

[BayBondGirl]

Ugh yes, get out ASAP. I worked in a similar situation and it was so toxic. I find it unlikely that anything will change, even if you were to address it directly with the owner.

I agree with everything that OneTwoMany posted about keeping things professional and honest; it’s easy to say something along the lines of, “My situation/goals/etc have changed and I have decided to pursue employment in another field. Thank you very much for the opportunity to work with you and I wish you all the best!” Diplomatic and truthful.

[merrygoround]

It is long past time to go. So go!

No need to apologize to her. She’ll just whine anyhow.

[2DogsFarm]

@Crystalfountaineq

When she directs me on her daughter’s horse it’s more of like to have him extend, when to try and collect a bit more, circles and bending to try and get his balance and muscle back. None of the directions she gives me while riding him have anything to do with my position at all it is just directions on what to work with on that particular horse. That’s why I feel like I’m not personally learning or growing as a rider as much as I would like to. Besides that since he was just getting back into riding we only did walk trot for several months. It’s a good experience but I just miss being challenged in different ways and getting to really push myself as a rider. Thanks again for you help!

While I agree this Trainer sounds like a User, & you are being used, I have to ask what exactly you think happens when trainer directs you on this horse?
Perhaps you think Majik happens that does not involve your position as a rider in affecting the changes she is asking for?
How does he extend, collect, bend & circle without your position creating the movement or change in his frame?
Please understand even the BiggestNTs will tell you more change happens at walk & trot than any other gait.
What do you think qualifies as “being challenged” as a rider?

Please pardon this OldBroad - who has breeches twice your age - for asking what you are looking for to advance your riding skills.
What, in your lifetime of riding, have you not yet perfected with the horse you are riding now or those in the past?
Honestly, no snark intended, but you may not realize what you do know & what you do not.

[OneTwoMany]

@2DogsFarm

I have to ask what exactly you think happens when trainer directs you on this horse?
Perhaps you think Majik happens that does not involve your position as a rider in affecting the changes she is asking for?
How does he extend, collect, bend & circle without your position creating the movement or change in his frame?
Please understand even the BiggestNTs will tell you more change happens at walk & trot than any other gait.
What do you think qualifies as “being challenged” as a rider?

Please pardon this OldBroad - who has breeches twice your age - for asking what you are looking for to advance your riding skills.
What, in your lifetime of riding, have you not yet perfected with the horse you are riding now or those in the past?
Honestly, no snark intended, but you may not realize what you do know & what you do not.

I have to agree with the above to an extent. When you first start out riding, the lessons will be all about you, the rider, your position, etc. because the horse knows its job and the rider does not. If the rider advances to a schoolmaster, the lesson will again tend to focus on the rider, because the horse knows its job.

When the horse doesn’t know its job or needs to become better at his job, the lesson will often focus more on the horse and less on the rider.

You may be limiting your riding education if you decide the lessons that are useful are the ones that spend a meaningful portion on your position and lessons (direction) that don’t spend time on your position are not useful. Yes, position is important, but having the skillset to educate/train a less experience horse is also important. Learning to ride the horses you don’t enjoy riding and learning to ride them well, is a skill every well rounded rider needs to have in their toolbox.

We don’t know all the particulars of your situation. The “lessons/direction” you are receiving on the daughter’s horse might be a complete waste of time, OR you might be learning more than you realize.

[findeight]

Let me put it this way about “ free lessons”. What does the trainer charge for a regular 1 hr lesson on a barn owned horse? Do you do enough work to earn that lesson and horse use on on top of your hourly rate? Think about it.

Some get seduced by the appeal of “free lessons and horse use” and envision getting hundreds of dollars of free lessons on multi thousand dollar horses in return for minimum wage grunt barn work or, as in OPs case, on top of being paid slightly above min wage. The math really doesn’t work there. In that, I agree trainer supervising OP on barn owned horse is getting a lesson and a horse to ride. Why trainers daughter never rides is not important. Her horse, her business.

Not agreeing it’s ideal or fair but most barns make more off paying lessons then what doing barn chores is worth or what they pay out for it. And bartering labor for rides will not pay the hay guy, the feed bill or any of the barns operating costs.

On the other had, the screaming, the changing directions, the toxic atmosphere? Something else is going on here. trainer is miserable. Could be health problems with her or her daughter, very well could be in financial trouble. Could be relationship or family trouble. IME, often learned later trainers like this were often drunk or involved with substance abuse.

Whatever, you need to leave. It’s none of trainers business why either, you don’t have to fabricate any stories. “ Ive decided to persue other opportunities and Aug 31 will be my last day”. That’s the truth and all that’s needed.

As you look for another barn job, think about negotiating a reduced lesson rate and just pay for them so you don’t get taken advantage of on your labor side and ripped off in the lesson department. And get things in writing. Take it you don’t have any kind of written agreement involving your lessons here? Leaves things ripe for getting taken advantage of and verbally abused but thinking you must keep taking it and enabling them to continue is the only way you can ride, That’s why it continues.

Move on and don’t make the same mistakes.

[Scribbler]

@OneTwoMany

I have to agree with the above to an extent. When you first start out riding, the lessons will be all about you, the rider, your position, etc. because the horse knows its job and the rider does not. If the rider advances to a schoolmaster, the lesson will again tend to focus on the rider, because the horse knows its job.

When the horse doesn’t know its job or needs to become better at his job, the lesson will often focus more on the horse and less on the rider.

You may be limiting your riding education if you decide the lessons that are useful are the ones that spend a meaningful portion on your position and lessons (direction) that don’t spend time on your position are not useful. Yes, position is important, but having the skillset to educate/train a less experience horse is also important. Learning to ride the horses you don’t enjoy riding and learning to ride them well, is a skill every well rounded rider needs to have in their toolbox.

We don’t know all the particulars of your situation. The “lessons/direction” you are receiving on the daughter’s horse might be a complete waste of time, OR you might be learning more than you realize.

As soon as you get past upper beginner, lessons are really about training and schooling the horse. Your coach may give the occasional comment on your form but the focus is the horse especially if horse is green.

[Crystalfountaineq]

@2DogsFarm

While I agree this Trainer sounds like a User, & you are being used, I have to ask what exactly you think happens when trainer directs you on this horse?
Perhaps you think Majik happens that does not involve your position as a rider in affecting the changes she is asking for?
How does he extend, collect, bend & circle without your position creating the movement or change in his frame?
Please understand even the BiggestNTs will tell you more change happens at walk & trot than any other gait.
What do you think qualifies as “being challenged” as a rider?

Please pardon this OldBroad - who has breeches twice your age - for asking what you are looking for to advance your riding skills.
What, in your lifetime of riding, have you not yet perfected with the horse you are riding now or those in the past?
Honestly, no snark intended, but you may not realize what you do know & what you do not.

Hello! Thanks for your response and your take on the situation. I’m not going to argue that you’re wrong because from a lot of view points you’re not. I most definitely know I’m not perfect and there’s always room for improvement in even the simplest riding exercises. I just personally felt that during these “lessons?” it was all focused around when and how many to do of particular exercises such as circles or leg yields. There is zero criticism or suggestions involved on how to do something better. I could be all wrong about this and I know it is a good experience to work with a horse like this one. I just felt like I used to get so much more out of the regular lessons that I used to take,which is why I offered to start paying for them again,but that wasn’t an option. This arrangement just wasn’t what I was looking for at the moment unfortunately. Thanks again