It’s really not. But I’m absolutely not surprised that you would think it is.
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“I disagree with you” would’ve sufficed without the personal attacks but ok.
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I agree. You are doing the girl no favors by letting her get away with this destructive behavior.
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I’m going to jump into this and say that I agree with you. I used to work for a trainer who would leave all kinds of idiotic passive aggressive notes for me and I HATED it. I didn’t work for her long because of that (among other things).
So yeah, if you want an issue solved, use your actual voice. Don’t leave notes around. She’ll just roll her eyes and throw it away and keep doing what she wants.
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I guess I’m a mean, old childless hag, but I wouldn’t try to psychologize the kid or try to win her over. I would be polite (not frosty, but just normal nod and make eye contact polite), but tell the instructor my concerns alone, first starting with the facts, “someone has been–to my mind, deliberately–messing around with my lease horse’s tack.” Then say that you spotted X as the culprit, emphasizing you don’t want to get her in trouble, but you want her to stop it. Then leave the barn owner to deal with it. It’s not your job to discipline (much less teach morals to) a young rider. If you can’t get the instructor alone, shoot her an email or text (unless she’s one of those instructors who doesn’t communicate well via print).
I know everyone is saying this is a kid, and maybe it’s because I was bullied as a child pretty badly, but some kids can be terrifyingly mean and vindictive when they get a mind to be, and I’d want some kind of a paper trail that this kid was acting out this way. Interact with the kid as little as possible without being rude.
And no notes to the kid. This is not The Phantom of the Opera, for goodness sake!
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You’re an adult, she is a teen, she has already displayed some issues, you don’t know the relationship she has with her parents or how far she would take this. If you try to befriend her, there is always a tiny tiny chance she may run to mommy and daddy and say you tried to do something to her. It really depends on her mental/behavioral state as to how far she would play the disgruntled teen rider that someone stole her favorite horse. In today’s state of things, I would do as others have suggested and talk directly to the trainer and BM, let them handle it completely.
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@Ana, I hope things get better for you. Horses are supposed to be fun.
Please let us know what the barn manager/instructor does about this.
No matter how you might read some of the posts here, you are not the one wrong here.
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I would not try to address this directly. Instead, go to the trainer/barn manager and point out what’s happening. It’s THEIR job to keep the barn running smoothly and to make sure rules are followed.
I agree with being friendly and polite, but someone else – someone with actual authority – needs to explain to her that the school horse does not belong to her and that her actions are inappropriate. It’s very common for students to become attached to a particular horse and feel some “ownership”.
Many years ago, when I started riding again, I half-leased a horse that was a bit difficult for the kids and needed fewer riders. There was one student there who definitely resented that I had taken over the ride. She was more mature about it than what you’ve described and she did eventually stop resenting me, but it took time.
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I’m another vote for talking to the trainer and letting them handle it- it’s their horse, tack, and program.
One of my favorite barn horses is pretty popular and he’s often requested. Last summer I was assigned him for a ride (and I was excited since it’s rare I get him) when one of his usual riders shows up. I was already mounted at the time- and barn owner asked if I’d mind switching out. Now me and this other rider get along, he’s a nice guy and I know how much he likes the horse so I’d have offered to switch out anyway. (Now a days he has his own horse and when I lease we’re riding buddies). For the record, he thanked me and said I didn’t have to do that. There’s another regular who, if it was her that day, I would not have switched out, simply due to past behavior and attitude.
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Oh, please don’t do the “pacifying a bully with flattery” approach. It doesn’t work and it rewards bad behavior with ego stroking.
Bad behavior should have consequences and they aren’t yours to deal out here. Go to the owner/trainer and get this stopped. Tell them everything, including that you saw her doing it. I guarentee you that you are not her only target in this world, you’re just lucky enough to be an adult who will be believed.
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Best to go directly to the trainer or whoever owns the horse and tack you use. Would not recommend taking steps to befriend or flatter this young girl other then appropriate barn interaction. Its not your problem, its the problem of whoever runs the barn and/or owns the horse and tack. Don’t waste your time and emotions getting involved when its not your circus, not your monkeys.
Far as naming her, based on decades in boarding barns, can almost guarantee they will know who it is the minute you describe your concerns.
One other thing, I would find an adult suddenly gushing over and praising some young person not related to them as…well…creepy. Don’t think its an appropriate approach.
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Confronting the issue with the trainer/bo and letting her deal with the teen is a kindness to the teen.
While teen doesn’t know how to deal with what is likely the biggest bummer in her world right now, she is going to have to learn. OP, you’re not the one to teach her, but the trainer is. I would 100% name names and I would also explain that it’s the potential safety issues and teen’s growth that you care about (if the latter is true - I would).
Best of luck!
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Thank you all for advice!
Have a small update on situation with both “good” and “somewhat bad” news.
TL;DR: tack harassing attempts have stopped but “conspiracy” against my lease was larger than I though XD.
Good news: I talked to a trainer who manages kids/teens group lesson (without pointing any fingers or calling names). Turns out she recently warned the entire group of doing anything out of place towards either the horse or me.
Bad news: the original person in question has a small “band” which was executing “getting my lease horse back” plan with additional strategy by asking if “they could ride that horse” in a group lesson to a ridiculous point when 5-6 people in a row will come to instructors with the same question over and over again after repeatedly hearing “NO, it is in a lease now”. This “asking for this pony” never happened before since the pony in question is a dominant mare 
I will still keep an eye on tack, my things, and the pony (just in case) and report further attempts. 
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I wouldn’t keep any personal tack there or any tack you can’t afford to lose or be damaged. I wouldn’t put it past this little gang to damage your things. Instructor needs to have another meeting with the teens and tell them all to stop asking to ride this particular horse.
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I am betting that the bad news will work against them in the long run. I have no doubt the trainer knows exactly what is going on.
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I struggle to imagine how they think this will help anything. “Be as annoying as possible” is not very likely to result in the lease being cancelled.
I also don’t really understand the definition of “dominant mare” in this scenario. “Not a kids pony” is one thing…but it doesn’t necessarily make them a dominant mare…? Is that just how the trainer describes “not a kids pony?”
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There you go. The trainer was well aware and in fact ahead of the game, and your information was super useful in letting her know the problem is escalating. Go forward with a zero tolerance policy on harassment and vandalism. You are very important to the trainer right now in being able to ride a horse that is unsuitable for the main lesson program. Indeed you are paying for the privilege of riding a horse that otherwise would cost time or money to reschool, or would need to be sold down the road at a loss. So at this point you are a valuable client for the trainer and a fellow adult.
I agree with not leaving gear at the barn, and with watching your wallet phone and jacket etc as well. Otherwise hold your head up and let the trainer deal with the children. It’s a bigger problem for her than for you, because if she has a teen sociopath with good leadership skills in the lesson program, this isn’t the only time it’s going to erupt.
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“Dominant mare” in a sense for when ponies are out and about (i.e. grazing). The pony in question makes the rules and chases other ponies away from food if she gets a chance (thats how she became extra round and in need of an exercise plan to make her slim down ). “Not a kids pony” either since she is quick to make rules and fill in if there is not enough confidence from the rider.
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Well, I know what a dominant mare is. I just don’t understand how that translates to kids wanting/not wanting to ride her. My dominant mare is the easiest ride. She’s kind of dumb, to be honest. She easily tolerates someone just sitting on her back and telling her what to do, and she’ll just keep doing it until you tell her to stop. My most subordinate mare is the one that needs a rider who can take control, but without being heavy-handed. She doesn’t tolerate passengers, she doesn’t tolerate manhandling. If you stop “riding” she quits, but if you push too hard she’ll try to evade. I don’t think her herd position has anything to do with it.
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She doesn’t tolerate passengers, she doesn’t tolerate manhandling. If you stop “riding” she quits, but if you push too hard she’ll try to evade.
Pretty close to what this pony is doing. She is known for running around with kids on her back not letting pony camp instructors catch her making kids mostly scared of her. She is also well aware that if she will scare enough kids during camp she will have it easy 
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