Horse nightmare--advice, stories, commiseration welcome

[BeeHoney]

I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. I think anyone would be feeling pretty overwhelmed.

An infection in the coffin joint is a serious matter. Based on the story you relate and the fact that she is still unsound, I am thinking it is not likely she will be a fully sound riding horse in the future. I think it is reasonable to be thinking seriously about her future. Since you are feeling a lot of stress right now, it’s not a great moment to make a big decision, but I agree with others that switching to cheap but safe pasture board is probably a good move. Give the filly–and yourself–a little bit more time to sort this decision out. Get the next vet check, maybe get a second opinion from another vet. Many people are uncomfortable talking about euthanasia and I’m going to mention it here because I think it is one of the options that might be on the table here. It costs a lot of money to keep a pasture pet for the rest of its life, it’s well over six figures. Not everyone is in a position to do that. If you are struggling to pay other bills in your life, it is a very reasonable (although heart breaking) decision.

Re your other medical bills, I’m so sorry. I guess you could ask the barn owner for help, but I think that could backfire and cause tension and awkwardness if what you express somehow comes across like you think they are responsible or owe you something for the accident. I think the better thing to do would be to work out some kind of a payment plan with the hospital or whoever is billing you and just make the smallest payments possible until your finances are more solid. Do not pay the medical bills with a credit card or another type of loan, it’s better to work with the hospital or clinic.

[colorfan]

You have had a tough go for sure. Lots on your plate.
I am very practical, I have a similar budget as you so that enforces my practicality. If you can find inexpensive turnout that may be an option.
Someone very wise once told me, never make a decision in a storm. Sometimes storms seem to last a long time and decisions can become insistent.
I think it is worth considering that even if she comes sound will she stay sound through her working life? I have no knowledge of the type of injury you are describing but I do know what it’s like to pour myself into a horse, hoping, with no positive outcome.
.
Do not beat yourself up for choices made. We make choices based on information at the time, if the prognosis had been different the choices would feel different.

I agree as others have said: this will pass.

[RhythmNCruise]

I just want to add to the chorus of voices suggesting to kick the filly back out onto pasture board and let her heal and grow up. No pressure. Just love her and dote on her and let her be. Same with your retiree if that’s possible. Get them both off the high-dollar board and into self-care pasture board to cut costs and allow you to focus on yourself and just your two horses. Taking care of other people’s horses, riding other people’s (dangerous) horses, etc. robs you of the chance to just relax and enjoy your own critters. You don’t need that pressure. I get more anxious and frustrated when I agree to help out others and take care of their horses when “barn time” is really supposed to be MY time with MY horse. I do self-care board, and taking care of my boy is one of my great joys in life. I don’t mind helping other people out now and then, but I get resentful when more starts getting expected of me and I feel like I’m not really enjoying the barn or my own horse anymore because I’m too worried about taking care of other people’s horses.

You need time to heal too (so you and the filly have that in common!) I would definitely mention the medical bills to the BO (maybe as a reason you need to scale back to self-care pasture board again) and see what they say. A few months of reduced or free board for both of your horses would sure be a nice way to help you out, and probably wouldn’t put them in much of a financial bind.

You should be able to do a payment plan with the medical bills for sure and possibly the vet bills. Call and talk to those folks and see what the minimum is you can pay.

Take a deep breath. You’re fine. Everything will be fine. My mom says, “It’s just money,” when I get stressed about finances. We’re just average, normal middle class people too. We have to save and scrape sometimes. But that’s okay. It’s just money. I was kind of complaining to a barn mate about how I’d “wasted so much money” this summer on all sorts of treatments and supplements and such for my horse with anhidrosis, none of which did much. She said it wasn’t money “wasted” because I was doing it trying to help my horse, and how could that be a waste? She was so right. And I’ve certainly wasted money on much more ridiculous things.

You’re okay. I promise.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

@RhythmNCruise

You need time to heal too (so you and the filly have that in common!) I would definitely mention the medical bills to the BO (maybe as a reason you need to scale back to self-care pasture board again) and see what they say. A few months of reduced or free board for both of your horses would sure be a nice way to help you out, and probably wouldn’t put them in much of a financial bind.

You should be able to do a payment plan with the medical bills for sure and possibly the vet bills. Call and talk to those folks and see what the minimum is you can pay.

I agree with that as well. I would at minimum have a discussion with the BO’s insurance situation. It’s not like you were a bratty lesson kid who got dumped. You were doing the BO a favor and she at least owes you a conversation about the incident.

I don’t know what your financial situation is, and I definitely understand the mentality of “let it all work out” that others are saying. For me, I know, given my circumstances, I would have to sit down and think about how much more I could afford and would be willing to spend, given various scenarios health-wise with the filly. It’s always a balance of emotions and practicality. I think it would be worth having a conversation with the vet about long-term prognosis to give you some clarity, too.

[BeeHoney]

I just want to respond to the folks who are saying, “give the horse time to heal.” I’m not saying to rush things. And I agree that there are many mystery lamenesses and issues that can resolve with time off. Unfortunately a septic joint that has been damaged by the infection is a pretty permanent situation. Obviously there could be factors I’m not aware of, and full disclosure, I’m not a vet. But this is not the kind of thing that horses heal from with more time. In this instance, I think time is needed to review information and to think about and consider all the implications of the situation.

I also want to respond to the idea about asking the BO for help–I said it gently in my first post, it’s not a good idea. It sounds like the BO took a horse from a rescue as a speculative situation, and the OP chose to help, also in a speculative manner–it doesn’t sound to me like the BO has any responsibility for the OP’s choice to ride this rescue horse or any responsibility for the OP as an employee. I’m sure the BO does feel badly about what happened, but it’s inappropriate to use that concern to ask for financial support. Horses are expensive and dangerous, and as an adult we choose to take our own risks.

[risuenaVT]

@colorfan

Someone very wise once told me, never make a decision in a storm. Sometimes storms seem to last a long time and decisions can become insistent.

The version of this I have heard is “never make life altering decisions after midnight.” Basically, try to take some deep breaths, try to sleep on it, see if there are some smaller changes you can make that can provide some relief and some time.

@RhythmNCruise

You need time to heal too (so you and the filly have that in common!)

And this is beautifully said. Your filly has been through a lot and you’re going through a lot. If there are lower cost board options available, or if you have the spoons to manage self-care board, it might be worth doing that to ease the financial pressure and to give you time to make decisions about both of your horses and see how well you and and your filly can recover.

It’s not easy, but you’re navigating an incredibly difficult situation, but try to give yourself some to find ways to make things more manageable. And give yourself some grace.

[NaturallyHappy]

@RhythmNCruise

She said it wasn’t money “wasted” because I was doing it trying to help my horse, and how could that be a waste?

I’m going to remember this. Thank you for sharing.

[MissusS]

@RhythmNCruise

Take a deep breath. You’re fine. Everything will be fine. My mom says, “It’s just money,” when I get stressed about finances. We’re just average, normal middle class people too. We have to save and scrape sometimes. But that’s okay. It’s just money.

Exactly the same here, but my mom says “It’s only money.” I repeat that to myself all the time.

[seizetheday]

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, because that’s exactly how I feel–this was supposed to be fun but it’s not at all and has become a very expensive, stressful summer. And thanks for sharing that saying…I’m going to engrave it in my mind now! (Seriously.)

[seizetheday]

Tapped out is exactly how I feel. For multiple weeks, she was on a very expensive antibiotic that had to be administered every 8 hours. I was the sole person doing that and the bandages and everything took so much time. Now the time I spend at the barn is mostly to try and work off some of my board and I’m just so so drained. I am going to talk to my barn owner’s about getting her to go in pasture board so I can just pay board and not work any off, but there’s a waiting list I believe. My husband is also saying we need to just move forward and it will be okay but it just hasn’t felt like that.

[seizetheday]

You put into words what I was struggling to in that the barn is supposed to be my me time for enjoyment with my horse and that just has not been the case for months. I’m trying to get that back.

I don’t at all expect the barn owner to help out with my bills at all, but I do feel like such a loser having to continuously ask about working off board and make sure I’m doing enough etc to afford it when in reality if it weren’t for her extreme vet bills and now my medical bills, I could afford the board just fine. I just feel so embarrassed by it all, like I’m begging for cheap board.

Thank you for the perspective on wasting money, because that’s truly how I’ve been feeling. It is so comforting to think of it as not wasting money but spending money to try and take care of this horse I promised to take care of when I bought her. Thank you for this.

[seizetheday]

Yes, the septic joint is such a sad and scary thing and seems pretty bleak. The issue now is that we don’t know what the infection did to the cartilage, and I’m definitely not about to get an MRI to find out. The vet had talked about some ideas he had of things that could help her out, but I’m so drained from it all that the idea of investing more money into it is not appealing. Husband wants to entertain the possibility of polyacrylamide injection, which was something the vet mentioned. I’m not so sure. We shall see.

I’m also in full agreement with you regarding your point on the barn owner situation. I am definitely not going to ask him for help. I did mention the situation to him because I am going to ask again about her being on the waitlist for pasture board (cheaper) and I feel very embarrassed to have to keep asking about cheaper board alternatives such as working it off and/or pasture board. I guess I just felt ashamed and wanted to justify how broke I feel right now with all of this. If it weren’t for the filly’s extreme vet bills and now my hospital bills, I’d have no problem just paying normal board, but it ate up a lot of the horse budget. The whole situation was just a crappy thing and a risk we take as riders. It was really no one’s fault, including the horse’s. It just happened.

[seizetheday]

Thank you all so so much for your replies and encouragement. I have copied and pasted them into a Word doc that I can read to remind myself of when I’m feeling panicked and discouraged. Your posts also make me feel less alone, so thank you for that.

I am going to make it a priority to get the filly off of stall board and into pasture board so that I don’t have to work off any board. Right now, the place she’s at now is full for pasture board, so I’ll have a conversation with the barn owners and see what that timeline looks like. They’ve been really really wonderful through this whole nightmare and the situation with my injury was in no way their fault. Just a risk of riding that came at an already really stressful and financially difficult time.

I certainly plan to continue to do right by this filly and will continue to evaluate, but maybe take a step back over the next six months to a year and see what happens with her. The other day she looked really off after running around a ton, and that threw me in a panic, but the next day she looked fine, so I don’t know. It’s all just a lot. She certainly loves to canter around her paddock with her little buddy, as much as I want to tell her just to take it easy. Euthanasia is also unfortunately not off the table if she can’t stay comfortable. I’m realistic about that.

Thank you again so much, everyone. This community is great.