How do you deal with the guilt in rescue?

[rubygirl1968]

[QUOTE=vacation1;6014602]
Everytime my numbers get down and I say I’m going to take a break, another one about to be euthanized will pop up and if I say no, I feel like I’m totally responsible for his/her death. How do you not feel that you’re failing them?

By recognizing the self-centered fallacy of that thinking. Yes, by saying no you might fail to be the savior, the last resort, and the animal might die. But you didn’t create the animal or the situation. If you take a break, some things will happen that wouldn’t otherwise happen. Some animals will die that would have lived. But that’s always going to be true; when you take in one homeless cat, you can’t take another one that then is euthanized.

Also, you might take a look at your own desire to do rescue work and consider the psychological reasons it draws you so strongly. When your pull to save animals is so strong that you’re doing it despite the fact that it’s hurting your own personal animals - a story I’ve seen from a lot of rescue people - there’s something more going on than just an altruistic love of pets.

Not saying any of this to be a jerk, just trying to say that if you want to take a break, it’s going to be very difficult if you’re still in the rescue mindset, which tends to emphasize heroic self-sacrifice on the part of rescuers. Stepping back and being a little analytical about how you view the situation might help.[/QUOTE]

No, you’re right. I do want to save the world and it makes me feel good to take in sick and scared cats/kittens and nurse them back to health and “save” them for another family.

I couldn’t save my mom or my sister and I guess I’m transferring part of that to the fosters. I know that’s a big part of my personality and have to struggle with it, but for right now, I’m focusing on the fact that my cats need me and while their needs aren’t as dramatic as others may be, I have to do whats right for them.

They’re mine and I owe them a stress free home and a caregiver that isn’t stressed to the max as well.

My last foster kitty is getting a visit tonight from a potential adopter and when she goes I’m giving myself til September a complete break from all rescue work, like another poster suggested. Then I may do photos or write ups about them for their profile on Petfinder. Or something else that doesn’t involve me taking them home.

[meupatdoes]

I have never bred an animal (except gerbils who were incorrectly sexed by the pet store) so I view my entire animal ownership as chipping away at the needs of the overall pot of animals.

The way I look at it, every animal bred adds the care it will need over its lifetime to the “need” column, and every time a person houses a pet they did not breed for the duration of one species’ life time it takes away from the “need” column.

For the past six years I have owned and boarded a minimum of two horses, and for the past three I added a third -for a total of “fifteen years” worth of one horse’s life over six years of mine. I did not breed any of these animals so I am fifteen years toward chipping away at the “need” of one born horse’s lifespan. It takes me about 7-10 years of my life boarding multiple horses to meet a “20 year horse life span” of need.

So the way I view it, just keeping a place in your home for the animals you have is chipping away at the overall need. For the time you had 14 cats in your house, you were personally chipping away at close to one cat lifespan of need per one year of your life. That’s a lot of need you personally took care of!

If you structure your life so that the overall “lifespan of need” you take care of (even if spread out over several animals) is more than the overall “life span need” you create through breeding, IMO you have done good.

[rubygirl1968]

[QUOTE=meupatdoes;6017265]
So the way I view it, just keeping a place in your home for the animals you have is chipping away at the overall need. For the time you had 14 cats in your house, you were personally chipping away at close to one cat lifespan of need per one year of your life. That’s a lot of need you personally took care of! [/QUOTE]

Thank you - and thank you all for the encouragement. I know I’ve been terribly unfair to my guys and I’m looking to seeing the difference in them once they have their home back again.

Fostering is almost an addiction - once you start its so hard to quit! But I can find other ways to help and if I get a bigger place in the future maybe I could help out with kittens too young to go up for adoption or doctor those who are sick.

I’m not going to think about it though - you never know what the future will bring, plus I’m not going to do anything to put Thomas at risk for now, so no point in even potential planning

[rubygirl1968]

My last foster cat was adopted two weekends ago by an adopter that had adopted another one of my fosters a month ago so the cats knew each other already. Yay!!

It feels so strange not to have fosters in the back bedroom and to not have to go to PetSmart every Saturday. I’m adjusting fast to not having to go to adoptions but it still feels weird.

I bought some paint last night and am getting ready to paint the bedroom and shampoo the carpets so I can let my guys back in there without worrying about Jellybean spraying.

I’m sure Thomas will be glad to have his bedroom back - he always liked hanging out back there in the bay window.

Our rescue has a thrift store so last night I supported by buying a 7.5 foot pre-lit tree that they had - if I can’t foster - I can shop! lol

[shiningwizard255]

^ Good for you. Donating is just as good as fostering, most shelters (especially no-kills) are operating on limited budgets and appreciate all the help they can get!

[bits619]

Enjoy the break that having just your pets will give you there’s definitely an adjustment period but you’re doing a good thing for your pets and yourself. Have fun reclaiming your home too, hehehe!

[jen-s]

As someone who recently got roped into petsitting for a fosterer who can’t/won’t make limits and stick with them, thank you! Imagine ~40 cats, 1 dog, 3 gerbils, 1 bunny, and 13 lizards in 1600sq ft of house. If the animals weren’t all healthy and mostly happy, I’d have reported her in an instant.

[katarine]

I didn’t create them, and I can only do what I can do.

We found a litter of five ruined puppies 12.24. Today they were taken to the county shelter where they will be euthanized. I am not set up to manage the care of puppies in their state (two died within hours of us finding them). I am not set up to manage the risk they posed to my own 3 cats (all rescues: Gravel was thrown away in a trash bag as a kitten, Phee was thrown out of a car as a kitten, and Owlly was dumped on our place) and two dogs (both were dumped on us). I HATED finding those puppies. Big angry fat tears rolled, and the cussing was epic in proportion. But I’m done feeling ‘guilty’ - I felt bad for a little bit last night when their only chance at fostering fell apart on me…but today I’m just relieved that their fate is a known variable and they won’t be miserable anymore.

So, my philosophy is simple: I didn’t create this mess, and I can only do what I can do. Fourteen cats in a house that small? Are you risking your own health trying to do too much? I’m trying to understand how you have clean air in that arrangement. You have to care for you, too.

[rubygirl1968]

I honestly can’t imagine having 40 animals in a house, regardless of size. I wouldn’t be able to give them the attention they deserve and keeping it clean - forget it! :eek:

She’s a much better woman than me!

We found a litter of five ruined puppies 12.24. Today they were taken to the county shelter where they will be euthanized. I am not set up to manage the care of puppies in their state (two died within hours of us finding them). I am not set up to manage the risk they posed to my own 3 cats (all rescues: Gravel was thrown away in a trash bag as a kitten, Phee was thrown out of a car as a kitten, and Owlly was dumped on our place) and two dogs (both were dumped on us). I HATED finding those puppies. Big angry fat tears rolled, and the cussing was epic in proportion. But I’m done feeling ‘guilty’ - I felt bad for a little bit last night when their only chance at fostering fell apart on me…but today I’m just relieved that their fate is a known variable and they won’t be miserable anymore.

I’m so sorry about the puppies. I’m glad they didn’t have to die alone and cold outside.

The 14 was two years ago and most were itty bitty babies and when they were little it was no problem. It’s when they didn’t get adopted right away and started growing into adults that it got a little tricky.

I did scoop alot of boxes though and went through astonishing amounts of cat litter! (The rescue paid for food and litter though, or I couldn’t have done it.) I scooped at least 3 times a day, 4 times most days. First thing in the morning, when I got home from work, after dinner, and before bed. I never had an odor problem though.

I’ve been trying to take a break from fostering for over a year now but all I had left were adults and it took that long for them to get adopted. But they’re all gone now and hopefully I won’t get any calls from people wanting to return them!

I’m going to enjoy being able to take a vacation this year and just getting my house back.

[witherbee]

I have some feral kittens that “happened” when their emaciated mom showed up and I could not catch her before she had the kittens. I was able to get involved with Sheltering Hands, a feral cat colony rescue here in Ocala that will trap, spay/neuter, microchip, notch ears, and vaccinate. So far we have captured and done the above to 3 kittens, and I will be trying to catch momma kitty and her remaining 2 kittens on Friday to get them done on Sat. Right now I have the 3 kittens in my bathroom and am trying to “tame” them. They are over 12 weeks old, but I did do some work with them during that window of time that you can socialize feral cats in, so I am hoping that is enough. I have 4 indoor cats and 4 dogs as well as 2 roosters, 1 outdoor cat and my 12 horses.

I mention all of that because I really do feel that my “regular” pets miss me when I am not able to spend time with them, and, as much as I love these little kittens, they have really disrupted the household and are a LOT of work. My house is not really set up to deal with them, so they are mostly locked in the bathroom at this point which is also not fair to them. I have found a home for one so far - he will be leaving either this weekend or the following weekend. I hope to place the others quickly and plan to only keep the momma kitty as an outdoor cat.

Lots of good advice here. For those of us that love animals, it would be easy to become a hoarder. It is VERY expensive to keep even small pets, and as most of us know, it can cause a lot of mess in the home which is not fair to those that we live with.

I agree with the others who say that caring for your own pets is in some way rescue - they would otherwise not have a home or would take another’s place. Sometimes needing that validation of “I am a rescuer” can actually be a selfish thing, so we need to take that into account when deciding whether to take more on.

Congrats to you OP for taking a break from fostering!