When the Friesian in the medieval joust is wearing a western stock saddle…
The Holy Trinity:lol: : 1) underdog but plucky tween/teen girl, 2) benevolent and all-knowing yet available horse trainer who is respected by those who “know” but has been cast out of popularity for some noble reason, and 3) groomer/stable guy/exercise rider, of some marginalized minority, who allegedly has secret knowing ways when it comes to horses but whose on-film contribution is limited to standing at the horse’s shoulder and saying some version of, “I don’t rightly know, Boss. It’s up to him!”
However, I love these movies anyway. I do.
[QUOTE=starhorse;7939932]
When it’s directed by Tyler Perry…[/QUOTE]
Well at least you would be expecting a comedy!
The Epitome of all these is the book Catch Rider. Makes it to the Maclay, brings two horses, first horse comes up lame after flat round/schooling? and she rides never before jumped or really ridden at all horse to win the championship. snort
[QUOTE=csaper58;7939958]
Clue#? The female lead wears her chaps to the Junior League meeting.[/QUOTE]
I pretty regularly wear my chaps to meetings. -shame-
The horse is cured of colic by teenage girl staying with down horse in its stall all night. While trainer sits in his office and drinks. No vet is called. Horse never thrashes or looks distressed, just lies there and occasionally “groans.”
The only horses available are Friesians.
Just watched Planet of the Apes. Apparently the only breed of horse to survive the fall of humanity are Friesians. They also appear to be the only horse in the middle ages, the victorian area, any land with dragons, etc.
Your horse has eyebrows.
Still bitter about Disney’s Spirit.
Spend $$$ for a Gen-U-Wine Kiger Mustang to inspire artists… Who apparently failed to notice real horses don’t have them!
Poor girl/spectacular rider competes against rich girl/horrible rider. Poor girl wears cast-off, hand-me-down old-fashioned shabby clothes, while riding homebred, ugly but talented clunker who will do anything for “his girl”. Rich girl dressed in finest attire daddy’s nouveau money can buy, rides best Olympic mount in horse world. Rich girl cruelly mocks all aspects of poor girl’s attire, mount etc. Poor girl and clunker whup rich girl’s spoiled backside. Order is restored, equine universe unfolds as it should. Formerly poor girl becomes fabulously wealthy and famous in horse world and rich girl retires to daddy’s massive estate to raise teacup poodles.
The horse is given a pep talk at some point.
Somebody grabs a rifle to shoot the horse “before he kills someone” ; pleading ensues.
Dusty tack found in the barn magically fits the horse.
Competitions pay out enough to get a mortgage out from underwater.
There’s a cute boy telling her not to listen to the naysayers.
…when every journey starts at a canter or a gallop. Extra points if the rider whips the horse with the reins to encourage an even faster pace… …as they begin a trek across Death Valley.
These are all great.
you hear "YA YA "
riding instructor’s 4 yr old yelled this one day while getting her weekly ride. She had obviously seen it on TV. We almost died.
At least most Euro TV/movies have decent horses, often really nice. Most in the US are ug-ly, usually with the wrong tack!
Sleepy Hollow I will forgive b/c Crane is so hot.
[QUOTE=RHdobes563;7939752]
The horsey star breaks a leg, colics badly, is starved nearly-to-death, but when protagonist shows up to SAVE said horsey, is magically able to compete the next day.[/QUOTE]
before all this, horsey also critically injures mean girl b/c she doesn’t understand him like (poor, starving) protagonist does.
Want to see a really bad ‘horse’ movie? All Hat is the name of it. Filmed up here in Ontario, with some scenes being shot at Fort Erie Racetrack. A former trainer of mine supplied some of his racehorses. It was so bad that in one scene they were going to collect the stallion with a bucket!
when they clean stalls with a shovel or dish out feed with a shovel.
When every wild or difficult horse rears and neighs causing person to fall down on their butt and stare up at said rearing, neighing horse.
Only horse noise you hear are whinnies, nickers and neighs. Not farts. Which are the actual sounds horses make most often. True story.
[QUOTE=merrygoround;7939755]
You’ve read too many Dick Francis books!![/QUOTE]
There is no such thing as too many Dick Francis books. Just FYI. 
[QUOTE=Sandy M;7940029]
The horse is cured of colic by teenage girl staying with down horse in its stall all night. While trainer sits in his office and drinks. No vet is called. Horse never thrashes or looks distressed, just lies there and occasionally “groans.”[/QUOTE]
I’d be that trainer. Drinking AND groaning . . . with the vet! :lol:
[QUOTE=Reynard Ridge;7940330]
Only horse noise you hear are whinnies, nickers and neighs. Not farts. Which are the actual sounds horses make most often. True story.[/QUOTE]
Don’t forget the “sheath farts” LOL!
Studying in the library reading this and trying not to let people see me snort quietly into my laptop.
Another clue -
Going to visit your horse? Full competition gear.
Mucking out stables? Full competition gear.
Hanging around the yard? Full competition gear.
Schooling ride? Full competition gear.
Talking about horses? Full competition gear.
You know what I mean - we’re talking jacket, white jodhpurs, shirt, stock, sparkling long boots, velvet hat, gloves, hairnet, whip in hand at all times. And everything is immaculate. I clap and giggle every time.
