How long does it take to "bond" with a new horse?

[2ndyrgal]

WG, I’m not being silly but…

Let me share this little story. In the early 80’s I was grooming for a STB trainer. I took care of a pacing stallion named Deadly Breeze. He was, until the day he died, the meanest SOB you ever met. You could not, when I started, walk in his stall without a ball bat. The short version is, it took me months to win his trust, years to win his affection.

When I left the barn suddenly to take care of my father, the trainer called me. He wouldn’t eat, and turned on anyone that tried to enter his stall.
For over 4 days.

I’ve only known 2 horses that I didn’t like, who truly hated everyone, and other horses.

I’ve had horses that bonded as closely with me as a dog.

So perhaps, I just prefer my horses to enjoy my company as much as I do theirs.

[SLW]

2ndyrgal- is this the horse you bought that you thought might have been misrepresented? If so, kudos to you for using some old fashioned horsemastership to figure things out. He might end up being just the ticket to your happiness!

My fail with horses is that I trend towards keeping it a business relationship- they get room, board and healthcare in exchange for being there for me to ride. I find that if I sometimes treat them like a horse crazy 13 year old girl, instead of the company CEO, they respond positively.

And there is balance between horsemastership and Parelli stuff which, IMO, goes waaay over the line.

Keep up the good work!

[2ndyrgal]

I guess at heart, I’m still a horse crazy 13 year old girl

And while I do expect respect, I don’t like a flat affect in either horses or people.

Horses for me, are many different things. Not just transportation to hunt, or a vehicle to show, but a being that, despite being 10x my size, allows me use of athleticism and grace which I will never possess. Transports me back to a time when I had no cares or responsibilities, instantly, makes me ageless. Allows me to contain his freedom, willingly, and trust me to take care of him.

Anyone who has ever had a horse rest his head on their shoulder, had that velvet muzzle breathe sweet hay breath and has had the same horse go through or over something that we were stupid enough to ask of them and come out fine on the other side, thanks to nothing but guts and heart, understands that there can be a true connection.

And yes, this is the horse that was misrepresented, and it’s taking all the horse body language and knowledge I have to get on the same page.

I had a lovely Haffie a couple of years ago, who followed me around like a big dog and was quite the pocket pony.

He could have given two figs for my twin sister when I was gone.

Most people on this board don’t have the same quiet connections with their spouse or children that they have with their horse.

[SLW]

Well said and I agree.

[Vesper_Sparrow]

I’ve got the opposite problem, LOL. I have two TBs (one is a half-lease) that I have formed a strong bond with. Both watch me like a hawk to make sure that the other one isn’t getting anything–affection, treats, praise, riding time–that he or she would like to get. I have always been careful to give treats equally so the problem has become the non-material items.

The gelding is particularly jealous and if it is a riding day for the mare but not for him, he pouts, turns his butt to me and doesn’t want to come out of the stall to be groomed. On those days, I’ve begun to take him into the indoor so we can just hang out for a while because apparently just being groomed (with all the requisite hugs and being scratched exactly as he wants) doesn’t do it for him. Sigh, I’ve become a love slave to my horses.

[OneGrayPony]

It depends on how much you clicked with them to begin with and how much time you spend with them. My gelding was kind of a “far away and distant” one for quite awhile. I was only riding him infrequently, and many people were taking care of him. But then because of his colic and ulcer incident, I began providing him with extra care (I see him twice a day) and he’s now being ridden 6 days a week (sometimes twice in one day).

We’re at the point now in the arena where I can think trot, or think halt and without much of a physical reaction from me, he listens. We still have to work on the canter and he’s finally learning to back, but it’s turning into the relationship where he’s a part of me.

His personality is changing in the stall too. He now listens to voice commands (for the most part) in order to let me dump his beet pulp and then put his pop-rocks on top (and NOT to crowd me during said delicate operation). He follows me around the ring. Even when he’s anxious to be out with his fellow horses, he stays right with me and pays attention.

I had a mare once that bonded with me to the point that my trainer offered her a peppermint and she refused it. When I offered the same peppermint, she scarfed it right down.

Some of it is training, and some of it is a closeness that I find that I develop with my horses. They follow me around and will do things for me that they won’t do for other people. Whether it’s an anthropromorphic “like” or whether they’ve just discovered that I’m 100% trustworthy in my interactions with them and so they feel comfortable, really doesn’t matter to me. The relationship is so important for me to feel “good” about my ride.

[AlfalfaGirl]

I bonded with my former horse and was heart broken to have to give him up due to anhydrosis. He was such a sweetie and had a wonderful loving nature.

Hubby’s horse is a down right pocket pony that wants/needs sugars and kisses and gave my other horse the old heave ho when I went into the pasture. Hubby’s horse takes his name Sargent way too seriously but he makes you feel special and loved!

I bought another horse that had not been “special” to anyone and not handled much. Had a HARSH trainer keep him for more than a year and when I bought the horse he was out of his comfort zone with former owner. He knew former owner wouldn’t hurt him but didn’t trust anyone else after harsh trainer. He’d freeze up like a statue, tremble when being saddled or if I hugged him he stood stock still like he was confused.

I said that I would keep him for one year. I wanted to be totally objective about this horse. Had a hard time getting a name to “fit” him too. But, I worked at gaining his trust and for me to trust him, too. I gave him treats all the time - he was underfed is a nice way to put it. Treats were a way to his heart.

I have had this horse now for 13.5 months and I just love him now. He knows that I am his “person”. He still is a little unsettled about saddling but is better. He doesn’t mind hugs and kisses and will let me handle his feet where he wouldn’t before.

I have a young trainer working with him. He seems very relaxed with her but he freezes up with she bridles/saddles him because he still doesn’t trust people. I told her to feel free to give him treats. I handed her the treats today when we were out there so he will relax when she saddles him up. He likes her when she is on the ground and when she is riding him…it is just the tacking up that makes him nervous if it isn’t me.

Give it time…go slow and gentle. Loads of soft voices and gentle touches. Treats if he isn’t pushy about them. Hubby’s horse can be pushy about treats because he loves them…my boy never is pushy about it but lets me know he sure would like one! Loads of time, lots of miles, lots of handling in a soft consistent manner has won over this horse. I didn’t decide to keep him until I had had him for 8 months so it took about that long for us to “bond”. Love him to death now. He is terrific.

Keep at it…and best of luck.

[TimelyImpulse]

I’d say it takes about a year for me to bond with/trust my hunt horse. I got Woody about a month after Tigger died, and the first time I went hunting I absolutely hated him. He pulled, he was heavy on the forehand, he was terrified of cows, he was just… a jerk. And he wasn’t Tigger. Buuuut, fast forward a year, and man oh man! I bet half the members (or more) of my hunt think I’m insane, because I’m laughing my ass off because riding Woody is just a joy. We were out over 4 hours this past Saturday, galloping through the woods, jumping logs and ditches, crossing hill and freaking dale chasing Mr. Reynard, and I just kept smiling and laughing at my big ole horse. He’s a hoot. And it took a year to realize how much I enjoy him, and also to “get” him.

While I have my own farm, he’s boarded at my hunting buddy’s place, and she really enjoys him too. When we first brought him over, he was basically a zero personality. Not really interested in much, but after just a few months with her, he’s turned into a people loving attention grubber. I have to say, I’m a bit jealous of his nickering at her and not me sometimes, but I do my best to make him like me better (treats treats treats)!

Glad you’ve seen progress with your new guy… just give him some more time.

[Foxtrot_s]

It is wonderful to have a bond with your horse, and a relataively rare thing - but this, to me, has nothing to do with being a pocket pony. This I do not like, it is disrespect for your space, it can be dangerous. The horse can be very in tune with its handler without being pushy. Funny thing is, I have the two opposites, same mother, different father - one was born polite, the other not so much, less sensitive.

[Equibrit]

Give it time, time, time. It’ll creep up on you both.

[Lashaun7]

All horses are different and it can take a long time to really get to know each other and bond. You are doing the right thing by spending quality time with him and grooming him a lot. My old mare and me bonded almost instantly as I bought her from a horrible woman who didnt look after her properly and kept her by herself in a field full of weeds and not much grass, I think my mare was amazed when I first turned her out with a companion and grass to eat and I groomed her and petted her. She really seemed to appreciate it. So it only took a few days to bond with each other. It took longer with my gelding but we got there in the end, maybe it is just a mare/gelding difference I dont know. Persevere, I am sure you will get there soon.

[2ndyrgal]

And the bruise is lovely this morning.

He bit me. Hard. On the inside of my forearm as I was adjusting his noseband.

Now, my vet (a dear friend) had shown up with her “only horse” for an afternoon trail ride. They both acted like children that had been locked in a closet without any interaction for months. Idiots.

Sooo, when Trooper, in his haste to “let’s just GO ALREADY!!” bit me, well let’s just say he was instantly convinced that the next face he was going to view would belong to God.

My vet was bent over laughing, but even HER horse wasn’t too sure about me.

We had a lovely, late afternoon trailride, during which Trooper was The Best Horse Ever, and did not spook at the bunny, the turkeys, the deer, or the next door horsey neighbor who came out a closed door on the side of her barn quickly. He led, he followed, he didn’t care about the cars on the road. He stood like a rock when I dismounted and untacked. He loaded perfectly.

He seemed contrite last night, and this morning, during stall chores, he came over for a head rub, and then just returned to munching his hay. First time he welcomed me into his house.

It was worth the bruise.

[Hinderella]

I’m glad you’ve come to an understanding

When I was young, I rode a pinto gelding that no one liked. He could be ornery, and was prone to biting. One day, when I was grooming him, he swung his head around a bit my thigh. Without even thinking, I leaned in and bit him on the neck, as hard as I could. He was surprised, and never bit me again

[lv4running]

Bonding varies so much from horse to horse. I have one that was my best friend from the monent he came off the trailer. It’s just weird but we really connect and it’s obvious to others that he considers himself “mine” over anyone else. Another enjoys humans but isn’t really attached to anyone. He likes everybody. Then there’s the stoic one. Do anything you ask but it isn’t a partnership, he just respects humans enough to do what you ask. I am of the belief that it needs to be a partnership so I’m working with the one, using clicker training, to try and build a better relationship. It is working but it’s going to be a slow process.

I think it’s harder to work a horse that doesn’t bond when you have had one that did so well. It’s hard not to compare the two and wish for the closer relationship. I do not think that bonding is about the person’s feelings only. Fox hunting, eventing, etc requires a level of trust between the horse and rider. They don’t have to come running when I call or follow me like a puppy, but I do want them to appreciate my company and trust me more than the horse I just ride for training.

[AlfalfaGirl]

2ndyrgal,
How is that bonding going?

My boy is now nickering at me, coming from the middle of the pasture when he sees me coming down the road, and leaning in for a hug. I am totally in love with him. Hope you fall madly in love with your guy and he returns it.

Both of my horses are just love bugs and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Sarge because he has never known a harsh day in his life and Biscuit because he has. They are both a pleasure to be around.