Just say no and turn away. You owe her nothing, and she’s a bully.
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Just in case you didn’t hear/read ALL the above responses - NO. She’ll leave you alone sooner or later. I bet sooner. Not your circus, not your monkey.
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I’d say “No” repeatedly until she left me alone.
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Not gonna lie, a part of me was like “Huh, I wonder if OP’s new barn mate is that other trail riding poster and they neglected to provide the detail of constantly falling off whilst typing their snobby complaint” :lol:
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@mmeqcenter :yes:
I had that same thought.
”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹”‹COTH Mantra for any situation:
“No is a complete sentence.”
Period, end of discussion.
You may also want to let trainer know you aren’t looking for trail buddies.
Especially ones whose horses come home without them :eek:
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I love to ride alone and I feel much safer alone. I choose my riding buddies very carefully and I also respect the limits of my less confident buddies. I absolutely would not go out with the person you describe, and wouldn’t even want to be on the trails at the same time. I’ve had the experience of having a riderless horse bolt back to the barn past me and it is guaranteed to make your own horse explosive. Just say no. You’ve got enough data on this rider to know she will put you and herself in danger. You are not responsible for her safety, only for your own. You cannot be responsible for the safety of an adult risk taker who won’t listen to your basic advice like “take lessons and only walk on the trails.”
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OP you say you dont want to be rude, but since your new barn mate is persisting in being so, all bets are off. You can address it with your trainer, who must, by now, realize the horse is returning rider free a little too often
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OH. HELL. NO.
I am very particular about whom I ride with. They need to be independent horsepeople, with a decently trained horse, and able to control their horse. AND have similar fitness/goals/pace to where ever I am at that moment. A lot of people that ask to ride with me are looking for 1.) free instruction 2.) a bumper car 3.) a made trail horse to turn their horse into a trail horse by magical osmosis. Just no.
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Don’t make me go look for it! Link pretty please
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Save your popcorn. She’s talking about my thread, where I dared to express my frustration about not being able to find like minded riders to trail ride with at my new barn. My horse and I like to go at a trot/canter pace and I was having trouble finding anyone who did anything but walk. Riding alone was not an option for me. (and no I didn’t then or now ask for or need advice on this) I asked if anyone had similar problems. About half the responses were just that, people who had similar issue and expressed similar frustrations. Others seemed to think I was looking for advice, training help, was a spoiled brat for wanting to ride above a walk, blah blah blah. It became a “life’s too short for this” sort of thread, so I checked out and went riding.
I’ve since found two people to ride with. One I won a recent hunter pace with on our first ride together. The other person who normally walks decided she wanted to try trotting the other day. We ended up cantering by the end of the ride. She came to me the next day and said her confidence had improved so much in that ride, she signed up for a hunter pace. She was so excited about it, and I felt good that I was able to help her get her confidence back.
OP, “no” is a perfectly sufficient answer. If her horse is consistently dumping her and coming back solo, that’s a big red flag. Trust your gut and don’t worry about being perceived as rude. As I’ve recently rediscovered, you’ll be judged no matter what you say so do what is right for your situation. Hopefully you will find someone you feel comfortable riding with.
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No, just no. If ‘poor new girl’ keep coming off, that’s on her, not on you. You must be responsible for you and your horse. If PNG persists in trail riding and falling off, that is her problem.
Stand strong on ‘no’. Maybe for a few weeks adjust when you are there to be at a different time than PNG will be there to let someone else deal with it.
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I wouldn’t use the excuse that you always ride alone, in case there is someone you do want to go out with. That would give the first rider another angle to approach you.
I agree, be honest that she is not someone you feel comfortable riding with.
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I would never ride with anyone I didn’t know well enough to trust. When I had my first horse at a mixed discipline barn we would go out in groups back when you could ride thru the farm fields late fall after harvest. One person would think it was funny to lag back then kick her horse and run up from behind, and run up on the group and start a panic. I can still feel the fear I experienced. Don’t do it. And tell her why… It will ruin your horse. And you will get hurt.
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Not your circus, not your monkeys!
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Keep telling her no, and that falling off her horse, repeatedly, means she should hire a trainer to help her with her horse. Until she gets that help, no one with a well-trained horse will want to ride with her.
Then, I would address the trainer who recommended her to you. She ought to know that this person is coming off her horse all the time. Maybe SHE can take her out on the trail and see what the issue is. You’re not a horse trainer and that’s what this person needs if she keeps getting dumped. .
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KBC I sent you the link you asked for in a PM. It is funny to compare the two…and would make most who followed the first TOTALLY think of that post and perhaps was discussing this person at THEIR barn. One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor…wouldn’t it be karma .
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You’ve done a good job ~ you do not need to qualify / explain
She appears to be a train wreck :eek:
Stay away from her ~ no need to even say NO anymore.
Just turn and walk away ~
Stay safe & enjoy your trail rides !
- nothing better than a trail ride by oneself ~
~ IMHO
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HARD no.
I had to mentally prepare myself for saying no. When we first came to my barn, I was going out more with people to learn the trail system and now that I am comfortable, I generally prefer to go out on my own. My guy is 3.5 years old and the group that I hear from the most likes to go out for 2-3 hours a pop and prob cover 5-10 miles which I think is too much for us being so young, even at the walk.
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Please understand I’m just laughing at what I WOULD LIKE TO SAY…not at all saying you should go there! But, ok, I think I’d shut her down with " Thanks!!! But not my idea of fun to have to pick you up and make sure you’re ok and then deal with if your horse got back to the barn ok, too." Yeah…that’s MY idea of fun with my horse out at the barn. NOT.
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Although you have been trained by social convention to not make waves it is perhaps time to learn that you don’t have to accept anyone else’s crap either. Say no (the answer to her question) without explanation (this is where you will have to fight your social conditioning). A simple no is not rude, no matter how it feels to you.
If you offer reasons you are giving her more options on how to make you ride with her. Say no. Mean it. Go about your business. Remind yourself that she doesn’t get to pass judgement on your reasons for saying no.
If she keeps harassing you tell her she has to stop harassing you. Don’t equivocate, tell her “This harassment has to stop.”
And have a Plan B for the day she “happens” to ride out at the same time as you.
Make no mistake, she WILL trot and/or canter if she gets you to go on a “just walking” hack with her. If you’re lucky she will try to wheedle you into trotting before she does it, but she might just take off without warning. You need to look after yourself and your horse.
Good luck! It’s hard to go against social conditioning but you can do it!
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