Many jingles and good wishes for you.
Jingles and all the best for you!!!
Dealing with the end of your marriage is the same as dealing with death…you must go through the stages of grief for the loss. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.
Then there is dealing with the feeling you gave to another person…everything…and got kicked to the curb for your efforts. Shock. Disbelief. Anger. Loss of trust. Questioning your self worth. Feeling you are somehow a failure.
We cannot control how others conduct their lives, only how we deal with that.
The POS STBX you used to know is dead. You are now dealing with his dopplganger…one with apparently no compassion, feelings or sense of his own self worth.
Check out this website for dealing with grief. They have some good suggestions on dealing with end of marriage issues
[URL=“http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/12/04/how-to-deal-with-depression-after-divorce-5-actionable-tips/”]
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/12/04/how-to-deal-with-depression-after-divorce-5-actionable-tips/
I really liked the one about writing a goodby letter to your STBX. This was one they offered and I copy it here in full
" Goodbye to everything I thought my life was and everything I thought my life would be. Goodbye to perceived financial and emotional security. Goodbye to my home — the place that I brought my babies home and thought we would send them off to college. Goodbye to thinking that marriages can last forever and faith in love. Goodbye to trust and the belief that a man can be faithful and unselfish. Goodbye to trusting my heart fully to someone else. I will forever be skeptical of love. Goodbye to feeling so lucky that my kids would grow up with a “real” family. Goodbye to walking my kids home from school, being homeroom Mom, and being close friends with their teachers. I thought you were someone you weren’t —[I] loyal, respectful, proud of me. Goodbye to excusing your annoying habits, and condescending behavior. Goodbye to shopping for cars and the other toys you spent more time with than me or your kids. You broke my heart, and my dreams and now I will use the broom and dustpan to gather them up, see what’s left, pick out what I want of what’s left and mosaic them with something new.
As you can probably tell from this example, writing a goodbye letter takes courage. It requires you to come face-to-face with what you’re losing with the end of your marriage. BUT the reward for doing this is a catharsis. You’ll know exactly what it is that you’re grieving and begin to have a better idea of how to deal with your situational depression because you’ll be able to see what you can work on to put your grief behind you.
My second tip for how to deal with depression associated with divorce is to write a hello letter. In this letter you’ll write about all the things you’re happy about not having to deal with any more and all the new things you’re looking forward to. Some of the things you might be able to say hello to now that you’re divorced are those things you used to love to do that you gave up for your ex, a peaceful night not disrupted by window-rattling snoring, and no more watching your ex pick their teeth (or nose) at the table.
The hello letter is a great way to start setting your sights on what’s good about now. By becoming more and more aware of what’s truly right about your life right now, your situational depression will start to lessen. Because it’s such a powerful tool for moving on from divorce, writing a hello letter doesn’t need to be a one-time event. As you discover more things that are good about your life now, you could write a new hello letter or add on to your original one.
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Jingles and hugs!
Jingles & AO ~ because one can not have too many Jingles or enough AO ~
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Jingles and AO and ((hugs)) ~
Thinking of you often and sending Jingles laced with strength and POWER !!![/I]
jingles jingles jingles
[QUOTE=Laurierace;7344510]
I am sure it is impossible to believe now, but when the dust settles and your heart has some time to heal when it is all said and done, you will see it worked out for the best for you regardless of what happens. Jingles, stay strong.[/QUOTE]
Keep this in mind: your life is what you make of it - not what someone else makes of it. Make this into a positive. Even if it seems like a disaster - it isn’t, unless you let it be. Losing something mostly it means change, and we’d rather not change when we are already satisfied with something - but yes we can live through it.
No matter what is going on … Be in the moment, and think to yourself “this day, this moment, I have a comfortable place to be and to go and my daughter is safe and well.” Just that much in itself is a great good gift. Consciously appreciate all that is good around you. You can figure out the rest as it goes.
If you can calmly move forward through the process one step at a time, onward to a better life … it will be ok. Even with massive changes, you and your daughter can still come through it ok. Stay focused on the good things.
Many many hugs.
Thank you so much everyone. I truly appreciate it. I’m in survival mode and will give this mare a chance at the best possible home because she has so much to offer still. Please share this if you can:
Jingles and hugs for you, HA. I’m so sorry this is turning out so ugly right now. Have faith things will turn out to be OK.
I thought of you yesterday when a friend of mine updated her fb status. To paraphrase she said a year ago she was wondering wtf happened. She was living in a run down mobile home, she had 3 horses but no barn or even shelter, she was commuting 3 hours a day,etc. now she lives in a beautiful home close to work with an amazing barn and even better, the love of her life, an incredible guy who loves her and treats her like royalty. She never imagined how good it could be.
I sincerely hope you will find yourself in the same situation a year from now
OP, I’m so, so sorry. You just keep getting pummelled. Hang in there and I will be thinking of you and your daughter on the 9th. Fingers and toes crossed for you. It will get better – it has too!! 
I’m keeping the faith - loved your post jenny - I DO see better things in the future. The current hell won’t last, I just need to Keep Swimming (quoting Dori in Finding Nemo).
I can’t post much here, but when I can, I promise I will. Leaving this farm is for the better, but it will be like yanking off the band aid…I just need to close my eyes, hold my breath, and YANK.
Getting out from under the thumb of my husband and my in-laws will be empowering for me and my daughter.
And some day, I swear, I’m gonna have a party, and you’re all invited.
I truly appreciate the support I’ve received here. I have support in real life too, but this is different because you understand my horse pains…nobody else feels that like other COTH’ers.
I forgot to mention, I have several very thoughtful and helpful pms in my inbox – I’ve read them all and I am so grateful to each of you for taking the time to share your stories. I’m just finding it hard to reply in detail to each one right now. So many of you thinking of me and, well — THANK YOU.
Lots of jingles for you and your daughter.
P.
Still jingling for you and your daughter. Hoping the sun comes out soon.
Thinking of you and your daughter before tomorrow’s court date. Sending wishes for continued strength and grace under pressure, and hoping for a good outcome. You both WILL get through this.
Hundred, I have lurked on this thread, and I’m so sorry I haven’t spoken up yet, but I’m so sorry to hear of all of this. My heart aches for you and your daughter.
I saw the pony was to be euthanized, did you happen to save any hair? I would be honored to make you a bracelet or keepsake for you and your daughter. Same goes for any of the horses
Here’s my website, http://horsehairjewelry.weebly.com
What else does your daughter need? I received some gift cards for Christmas, maybe she would like them? Clothing? I feel utterly helpless for you.
You can pm me if that’s better, but please don’t hesitate to ask!
HA., you know I have been there and done that and there truly is a better life ahead for you. PM me anytime.
You guys are awesome…thank you for all of your support.
The latest news - we never made it to court because STBEH doesn’t want to go since it’s not in his best interest to be in front of a judge, so he has agreed to the requests I’ve had thus far. He will do all he can to avoid making his interests a matter of public record. Small town working in my favor ;).
The pony…dear god what a nightmare that situation was. I had the back-ho in the driveway, fed the little guy a mountain of treats, and I got a call from the vet that he was sick. My luck - it sucks. I went straight for the tube of banamine - I thought to myself, “dear God, I’m going to have a foundered pony now!”…thankfully, the pony’s luck, is much better than mine :). Remmy is round, bright-eyed and as pony-like as usual, and suffered no side affects from the cream pies and fruit loops I fed him…and it turned out the vet had a heart attack so we couldn’t reschedule right away. But at this point some other VERY serious/traumatic issues came up and I decided to hold off on euthing the pony until we are settled in our new place because of the impact it all seemed to be having on my daughter. I discussed it with some of my equine friends, and they helped me come to the conclusion that since he’s a smaller mouth to feed and the vet agreed he is otherwise healthy (but he does have cancer), euthanizing another horse that really is in pain at the moment (the Appendix) was more logical, given the situation. He has time, we’re going to give it to him. Having said that Spacytracy, I DID hack off the poor pony’s tail while waiting for the vet! Your offer to make us jewelry made me tear up…I love your work so much!
I know we’ll come out on the other end of this better off. So many of you have shared your personal experiences with me, and each and every one of your stories gives me the strength to take the next step forward no matter how badly it hurts. I really wish I could share some of the encouraging things that are happening, but I don’t think it’s safe…but I am hopeful, and I feel the jingles :).
hundredacres, you are so strong. You are handling a huge amount of trauma with grace.
Prayers for you and DD, along with the 4-legged folks, that everything will improve SOON.
