Yes, I think I do do that a bit. I have super short legs (only 5’2). That is a great visual for me, thank you, definitely will try and be aware of that next ride and see how it feels.
@sascha good idea, been a long time since I had a lunge lesson!
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From a quick look I see your lower leg bracing forwards. Play with bringing it back WAY farther than you think is necessary (and probably way farther than is actually necessary) and using your hamstrings to help keep it there. This will help you with 2 things. The ability to brace against your stirrups is removed. The leg farther back usually helps a horse understand to at least try to engage their abs better. This is not a forever and always position but an exercise that could help you both. As it does its job, you can play with bringing your lower leg back in line with normal positioning. Note, you may feel the urge to tip forward to make the exercise easier. You’re absolutely not allowed to tip forward.
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hahaha that’s so funny you mentioned that because last night was the first time I noticed I was clenching my butt!!! I need to do more core work I think…my core is my weakest area even with working on it.
It’s very hard to control every part of your body simultaneously lol
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This is what makes dressage such a walk in the park, lol. It’s very hard.
ok I was wondering about that. So you shouldn’t be pushing into the stirrup at all? or not bracing you mean. How much weight in the stirrup?
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I wish more riders understood just how hard because I don’t think dressage riders get enough respect for what they do! If it’s this hard now I can’t imagine at the top levels haha It’s addictive
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I think of it as the stirrups carry only the weight of my legs and my seat bones carry the weight of my torso.
So, no, unless you are doing posting trot, you are not pushing down into the stirrup with anything greater than the dead weight of your leg. Think of the stirrup as a footrest that helps keep your knee and hips comfortably in the correct position instead of a platform to stand on or push against.
Does that make sense?
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After watching the videos, I see two things - you’re getting behind the motion and weighting your heels forward (idk which one of those happens first, though). Leg out in front of you removes the entire base of support and leaves you bouncing on your bum!
As an eventer I get it, but you’ve got to fight the tendency to go heels forward, bum backward. You are now in the safety of the sandbox, where defensive positioning gets you you in trouble 
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I’m short and rather than trying to think of actively lifting I think of it more as resisting the tendency to drop down. Also I am short in the torso so flexing the “lower abs” doesn’t work as well for me, I bear down from my middle abdomen to engage the glute med against the movement.
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I kind of disagree after watching the videos. OP needs to bring her leg under her and her upper body over her hips by pressing her ribcage forward. That does NOT mean folding forward at the hip.
Glutes like Jello! Seriously, it does wonders! The collection comes from, erm, your front butt 
or the abs inside your pelvis.
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I think you might need to lengthen your leg/stirrups and work on opening your hip - the tip of dropping stirrups and riding the trot loose or floppy is the best way to start. I think you need to get the “pinch” out of your knees and quads and think more of a “snug drape” of the whole leg from the hip to the calf.
Also, don’t be afraid to go back and forth between a crappy trot and big trot to work on your seat.
A few years ago when I was starting to school the fancy trot and piaffe/passage, I happened to start doing a 30 minute core workout (Les Mills Core or CX). I made a huge impact on my half halt, plus gave me a lot more strength and stamina for using my core to help the lift and bounce in the passage. I would highly recommend looking up some of those specific classes on YouTube. They work the entire core, which means shoulders to knees. I found that strengthening the back and glutes gave me much better control and clarity for my horse when asking for fancy trot, piaffe, passage, extended, and transitions in and out of each.
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If the OP follows the invitation to play with a more rearward lower leg without tipping forward, her ribcage will end up in the right position without her contorting her back muscles or losing her core stability. We are, in essence, saying the same thing with different words.
My caution about not tipping forwards is that it’s an easy thing to fold at the hips when trying to bring the lower leg (unnaturally) farther back. THAT must be avoided as we don’t want to end up in an unbalanced position where the rider is perched too far forward on their lady bits.
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IMHO, no. Any gripping inwards with the thigh will prevent the seat from truly being with the horse. Adding tension in the thigh should get you a transition to passage. It is really freakin hard to have the core strength to stay stable, while also having the looseness in the hip and the lower back to swing, but once you have those things theoretically you should be able to sit even the biggest trot without it impacting any other part of your body.
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My trainer teaches that our pelvis moves in an elliptical path during the sitting trot. The horse provides the forward/back, up/down, we just have to provide the side- to-side part.
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LOL usually I’m way too far forward on the flat!
I ave been contemplating this, wasn’t sure if I was ready for longer but maybe I can try.
Also just a note that I have lordosis (and so does my mare 
) so my back is curved, making my stomach push forward naturally. That’s why my core is hard to strengthen, but also in the saddle I find it hard to get my leg back more and keep my body in the right position. But I will definitely work harder on that as it seems like there is agreement that is not helping my issue.
I just don’t want my leg too far back as it should be at the girth, no?
I don’t want that hahaha
No. Farther back for the sake of teaching your body what it needs to do. Also, depending on where your horse’s girth groove is, your leg may be sometimes at the girth or never.
Re: lordosis and abs and legs back, stand on one leg, grab your free ankle so your thigh is pointing straight down to the floor, (but don’t close your knee all the way - it’s bad for your knees), then play with your abs to get a stretch on your thigh. You don’t need to curve your back the complete opposite way - you should be able to feel a bit of a pull from a fairly minor adjustment. Next, maintain that pull and use your hamstrings to start to pull the leg back a bit. You don’t need to actually pull that leg back, you just need to feel how to engage those muscles.
Next, take those feelings into the saddle with you to see if you can get a leg position change. You don’t want your thigh hanging straight down in the saddle, of course, just take the feelings of adjusting your pelvis slightly with your abs and of drawing your legs back with your leg muscles while maintaining that adjust pelvis position.
It’s not an immediate fix, but work at it and play with it over time and you’ll get it. p.s. I would not lengthen your stirrup at this point. That would likely hinder rather than help at this point.
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thank you and the others for all this insight. I’m looking forward to trying these things! I’ll report back in a few weeks and let you know if I’m making any progress haha
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Not sure whether this would help…. I have your height and am probably twice as old…. This horse is just coming back after spending 3 months at the vet. 
because of sinusitis …
I believe ( maybe I am wrong ). You could compare the way I use my legs with the way you use your legs……
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I agree with the idea of moving your pelvis actively rather than purely passively (my instructor referred to moving the pelvis in an “actively passive” way, which I think means only active enough to genuinely follow the horse’s movement.)
I’m not sure I agree with the emphasis on up, up, up, though. My instructor’s other point was that the problem with a completely passive sitting trot is that your seat goes up with the horse, then does not come down as quickly as the saddle does, so that on the next step, your seat is slightly out of the saddle still coming down when saddle comes up, and that creates the bounce.
When going from walk to trot, the first couple strides are easy to sit. I think it’s when your seat gets out of phase- late - and is still coming down when the horse’s back is coming up that you bounce. Perhaps when you think up, up, up, you automatically are actively moving your pelvis down each stride as well. But I concentrate on keeping my seat adhered to the saddle by thinking down, down, down!
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