I don’t even know what to say. This is a horrible, unspeakable tragedy. I am so heartbroken for your loss, Tamara.
So very sorry. Words fail. I just hope justice is done.
Words seem so inadequate. Know that you and your family are in our hearts and prayers. So much seemingly random violence in the world lately- I sometimes escape the news of the day and roam here on COTH. And to think its touched one of our own… I find it heartbreakingly and profoundly personal, as if this happened to my neighbor. I hope in some small way our collective prayers are felt by you in these dark dark hours.
I didn’t see this on the 15th, just now. I’m sickened by the horrible circumstances of the entire event.
Tamara, I’m so, so sorry about the loss of your husband. I truly wish I could take away the sorrow from you and your family and heal you. All of you will be in my thoughts and prayers, now and in the future.
Countless hugs,
Kim
Very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember reading your posts and hoping that I would find my way into a marriage like yours one day. Thank you for inspiring me to dream, and I will keep you in my prayers.
Tamara, I am so sorry for your loss, I just found out. My heart is aching for the pain your family is in right now and please know that you are in my prayers.
Andrea
My most sincere condolences, Tamara. Calvin was obviously a very good man and we all could tell that you absolutely adored each other.
If you or the kids need anything, today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now, just say the word.
You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I read this thread last night and found myself completely speechless. I’m so shocked and saddened to hear of this and feel quite helpless that the only thing I can do is offer condolences.
Tamara - prayers being sent up for you and your family during this difficult time. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain and shock that you and your family must be experiencing but please let us know if there’s anything the COTH community can do to help. Words seem so useless at times like this.
Tamara,
I am still only 2 1/2 months along on my own journey, but I have learned a few things that I wanted to share:
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don’t let anyone ever tell you how to grieve. Grief is a very personal thing, and while we all must go through the same sucky steps in the grief process, we each do it differently, and that’s ok.
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people will tell you things like “are you doing better?” that will eventually start to get under your skin. You will start having to tell people over and over “what happened”. Just remember, that folks really do mean well. They just don’t understand. And that’s ok.
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you will find yourself on a seemingly endless journey of crediters, insurance companies, social security, etc. For me, it helped keep me busy, but I think once I get things settled, it will be sad. Just know that the end really is in sight.
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people will tell you things like how they ate going to be there for you months and years from now. The thing is, is that while your life may feel like its at a standstill, but everyone else is moving on. Again, people mean well, but we are all just humane. Continue to confide in friends, and reaching out, especially after the calls, meals and visits stop. That’s when it will be the hardest.
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its ok to cry in front of your kids. Now I don’t in front of my 19 month old, but greiving in front if my 10 year old helped him to see that it’s ok to cry - and he did.
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do seek counciling for you and your kids. It isn’t easy, but it does help.
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you are going to be utterly exhausted, for a while. Take care of yourself, and let others take care of you.
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horses really are therapy. Mine have been such a comfort to my kids and I.
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let people help you. It’s hard for folks to even wrap their brain around losing someone so close, and since they can’t say anything, it blesses them to
be able to help you. At first I didn’t want to burdon others, until I realized that helping us, blessed others just as much.
Anyway, I pray that soon you will be able to sleep some. Again, you can contact me day or night. My iPod text number is : 678-383-PONY
Kat.
Tamara,
I just found this post. I am so sorry for your loss. Calvin sounds like a great man, wonderful husband and father. You are blessed to have found him, even for too short a time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and everyone that Calvin held dear. :sadsmile::sadsmile:
Just saw this thread, I am so very, very sorry for your loss Tamara.
Prayers for you and your family.
I am an oldtimer at the widow business - 10 years this June - but what Kat says holds true.
Let people help, don’t hesitate for a second - you need your strength and if it means someone else does the laundry, picks up the mail or cleans a stall, then let them have at it!
It took me years to realize it was okay to let people help with my teeny 5ac farmette - that I did not have to do it all myself all the time.
You have so much more to deal with, take help wherever you can.
And if you need to e-chat with people other than COTHers, who DO “get it” - there’s a great site:
widownet.org
wishing you Peace,
Debby
I just logged onto COTH for a quick minute, and saw this.
Tamara, I am so sorry for your loss.
All our thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
:sadsmile: Well said Freebird. :sadsmile:
I’m so sorry to hear about Calvin and I hope that you take some small comfort in knowing how many people thought so very highly of him. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Tamara mentioned on FB this morning that their AC went out last night. First thing this morning, the repair people came and fixed it, and would not take any payment. Nice to know that she has that kind of support in her community.
But I wonder if those kind AC folks realize how many people they touched with this gesture. It was a brief moment when I, hundreds of miles away, had a glimmer that there was a possibility that kindness could triumph over evil. My wound is much less deep, of course, but that first moment when one feels the possibility of healing is, truely, priceless.
I wish I could thank them in person.
When I read your post, Tamara, I’ve amazed at your strength and grace. I hope I can be half as strong a person as you when needed.
You stay at the front of my thoughts continually, and I wish I was closer so I could do more than just think and pray.
Learning today of this unspeakable tragedy has left me speechless.
Tamara, please know everyone here at COTH loves you very much, and will jump through any hoops to help in any way they can! I am so sorry, and hope you will never cease to share your wisdom and insightful words with us forever! God Bless, and do take good care!
