Leaving a Trainer and Show Barn - Advice Needed!

[2DogsFarm]

Guilty?
Did trainer not make a commission on the sale of your horse?
You didn’t “use” anything that didn’t benefit her as well.
Even if no commission was paid, she was aware of the deal & went along with it.
If no expectations were expressed, none should be existing.

Many (30+)yrs ago a dear Trainer/Friend told me:.
"You enable the trainer
Meaning, as a client, the relationship’s boundaries should be set by both.
Not one or the other holding the upper hand.

It’s a business relationship, or should be.
I’ve seen way too many adults who get along fine in their working lives, Adulting without a problem until it comes to horses.
Then they seem to default to Mommy/Daddy Knows Best & hand over the reins(pun!) to their Pro.
I never fell completely into that trap & years later it’s served me well enough so in my dotage , I have 3 horses at home, of varying ages (23, 21 & 9), all in great health, took up a new discipline - Driving - at age 64 & show on my schedule or not at all, as the mood strikes.

Go forward as YOU intend, not as any Barn Culture dictates.
& end up happy
This hung at my desk at work to remind me why I worked:

[skydy]

As many others have told you here, you have a business relationship with your trainer. You don’t owe her a lengthy explanation for why you are moving your horse.
“I’ve decided to move (insert horse’s name here) to the barn where I keep my other horse” is quite sufficient. If questioned further say that you’ve thought about it, and that this is what is best for you at this time. Period.

“I’ll miss this barn. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us”.

Ask if she would rather you stay through your 30 day notice or leave sooner so she can fill the stall.
You will of course pay what you owe for the entire month, regardless of when you leave.

[Jump314]

@skydy

Ask if she would rather you stay through your 30 day notice or leave sooner so she can fill the stall.
You will of course pay what you owe for the entire month, regardless of when you leave.

I don’t agree with this part being totally up to the trainer. Of course the boarder should pay but of course the trainer would rather have the money and an empty stall, without the expense of a horse in it. If the boarder wants to stay through the end of the contract without losing a month of board money, that’s completely reasonable.

[WildGooseChase]

As much as you want to justify the move, they will probably still be offended you’re leaving, in some way. Personally, I would make sure you’re paid in full, you follow your boarding contract’s clause on termination, give a written notice of your departure (certified mail if you have to), and go about your business. If they ask why, you want both of your horses at the same facility. They don’t need to know ANYTHING about your financial situation, your goals etc. It’s just not their business.

[purlsnponies]

Thank you for posting that poem… it hits me well! I’ll be printing it out to re-read.

[Gardenhorse]

Something to keep in mind is that if your trainer is a mature professional, then they will take your leaving in a calm, mature, and professional manner. If they aren’t, then they will create drama no matter how you phrase it. So I wouldn’t stress over exact wording too much. Just make your plans, let your trainer know, and enjoy your horse.

[skydy]

There could be a waiting list for stalls.

[Jump314]

And the boarder is entitled to what she pays for, she doesn’t have to leave earlier just because the trainer wants double the money for the stall. If the trainer is willing to prorate it, then sure.

[skydy]

She may want to leave earlier depending on how things go.

[Jump314]

The boarder can obviously leave whenever she wants, as long as she pays what the contract says. My point is that the trainer can’t make her pay what the contract says AND make her move out early because she wants to put someone else in the stall. Both people are bound by the contract.

[OverandOnward]

@Night_Flight

You can also say you’re feeling stretched thin right now and that you’d like both of your horses to be at the same facility (both of which are true). No one is owed a full explanation of all your reasons.

Just be polite, thank the current barn for everything they’ve done for you, and move on to have more fun!

Agreed that this is the perfect message. Your tone about this is matter-of-fact. It’s business on the trainer’s side, and it’s also business on yours - that is, what makes the most sense for you, financially.

If the trainer asks for more explanation, just smile and cheerfully say that it’s a moment in your life when it’s time to move forward in a slightly different direction. DON’T get sucked into justifications and details. If the trainer presses you, perhaps you can say “lets talk more later, I need to ___ right now” as a way to allow you to physically move yourself away from too many questions. You will know that “later” will never come, for this conversation.

OP, we customers tend to put more importance on the relationship with the trainer than does the trainer.

We have one trainer. But that trainer has many customers/clients. This connection is not as important to your trainer as the size that it looms in your mind.

The trainer already came out well. She made a commission on a sale, and you’ve been working hard for the barn.

You do not owe anything else but 30 days notice.

My recommendation is to move forward with this as soon as you can. Yes, these moments are awkward, and that’s a good reason to get it over with. Then you can move forward in the better strategy that you have planned.

Good luck OP to you and your horses !!!

[skydy]

I don’t think anyone suggested that.

[OverandOnward]

Also, if you have any concerns about awkwardness or unpredictable behavior by the trainer or BM (if they are not the same person) when/after you give notice, or you just dread having people watching you pack your 100++ lbs of accumulated stuff, this is a strategy that has been discussed in the past on COTH …

Before giving notice, start taking things home with you that aren’t so noticeable. Everyone needs to clean out their space for tack & supplies! Or you can sneak them out if you feel more comfortable with that.

Especially take home extras of things. If you have 4 saddle pads out there and only need one, 3 can go home with you now. Bridles and bits you aren’t using. The whole longeing surcingle & lines kit. That kind of thing.

Get the pile skinnied down to a set that will be easy-quick to load and go when that moment comes.

However, if you feel comfortable spending 4 hours sorting, trashing, packing and loading your stuff on leaving day, that’s certainly ok. Just keep in mind that there is an alternative if you don’t feel comfortable with the dynamics while you are doing that.

[Scribbler]

@OverandOnward

Also, if you have any concerns about awkwardness or unpredictable behavior by the trainer or BM (if they are not the same person) when/after you give notice, or you just dread having people watching you pack your 100++ lbs of accumulated stuff, this is a strategy that has been discussed in the past on COTH …

Before giving notice, start taking things home with you that aren’t so noticeable. Everyone needs to clean out their space for tack & supplies! Or you can sneak them out if you feel more comfortable with that.

Especially take home extras of things. If you have 4 saddle pads out there and only need one, 3 can go home with you now. Bridles and bits you aren’t using. The whole longeing surcingle & lines kit. That kind of thing.

Get the pile skinnied down to a set that will be easy-quick to load and go when that moment comes.

However, if you feel comfortable spending 4 hours sorting, trashing, packing and loading your stuff on leaving day, that’s certainly ok. Just keep in mind that there is an alternative if you don’t feel comfortable with the dynamics while you are doing that.

I would still move things in advance because moving a horse is a big enough production that sorting gear day of move would be overwhelming.

[BLBGP]

How did it go?

[Altertopic]

Perfect answer. I was going to suggest pretty much exactly that - hard to argue that it’s easier to have both horses in the same spot (time wise), regardless of the financial (and other) situation. Unless the BO is completely ridiculous, that shouldn’t be a bridge burning situation.