Move on or say something?

[meupatdoes]

Agree!
I don’t have any problem burning a bridge if it’s a bridge worth burning.

Two examples:
The (then) coach of the equestrian team at my school was abusive to me and my horse. I wrote a letter to the head of athletics. Nothing happened but I got it on the record.
When people asked about the coach on COTH a year or so later, I issued an honest warning.
A couple years after that, I was contacted on COTH pm by another college equestrian program he was applying to for a coaching position. They did not want him to be hired but were concerned the board would make a different decision.
I wrote a letter to the board of the new school describing my own credentials, described my experiences with his unethical and abusive behavior, and said I did not require anonymity and would be happy to put my name, reputation, and telephone number behind my words.
He wasn’t hired, and I heard my letter was helpful toward that end.
Good. Karma took a while to come around but it did eventually.

Example two:
I worked at a dressage barn where the trainer was kind to the horses but treated the staff terribly. When I left I sued her for labor law violations. I was perfectly fine financially and had better connections in the horse world than she did, but wanted her to answer for how she treated her staff. Sent a process server right down her driveway with nary a qualm. Literally served her right.

Haven’t regretted either course of action and have been perfectly fine in the horse industry before, during, and since. Sometimes you have to stand up for what’s right.

I try to live by the mantra to be decent first and only fk with other people if they fk with me. 90% of things I will let lie without further drama but if you are abusive to me, my horse, or people I care about, it is not going to go over gently.

Nobody worth a hill of beans has ever blacklisted me for any of the above.

And quite honestly, those people who have been shitty to me along the way have received their karmic comeuppance whether I had the opportunity to help it along or not. And for my part I am quite honestly doing better than ever.

People really create their own destinies and while there will always be some turkeys, 95% of the time, if you are always decent and fair in your dealings, you’ll have built a reputation and relationships that can withstand burning the occasional bridge with someone who has earned it.

As for this OP, since this happened years ago and you are only finding out about it now that you no longer have dealings with them, there is no need to reopen dealings with them to address ancient history.
Feel free to be honest if asked for a recommendation, though.

[LexInVA]

Send a simple, no-frills message that you know exactly what she did with your horse.

Then send the following image as an addendum before blocking her completely.

[Bluey]

Being mean to others “in the name of fairness” makes one … mean.

[meupatdoes]

No, it doesn’t.

Sometimes what people try to call “holding a grudge” or “being mean” is just “having boundaries”.

[Always_WIP]

Yep. I would save your feedback for folks that are looking at her as a potential trainer.

[Mardi1]

Of course you should tell your ex trainer that you know someone else rode your horse.
If you think you’re taking the high road by not mentioning it, you’re not.
You’re letting her get a way with it. No wonder she does it…nothing happens to her.
She had no respect for you.

I’d call, not text. Leave a message if she doesn’t answer. Say what you know. Be civil. Don’t expect a meaningful conversation, or a call back. Get in, Get it done. Get it done right, and get out.

I promise you’ll be glad you did.

ps. Your DH is right. Listen to him.

[eightpondfarm]

If it were me, i would just leave-it. Someday someone will ask about her, and then i’d tell them that i didn’t find her honorable.

But, if i could’t just leave-it, it’s a small world, and i know that eventually i’d run into this person at a show or a clinic, i’d just sit tight and eventually…standing in line to get a taco or coffee somewhere i’d see her, and then i’d just walk right up into her bubble, really close, look her in the eye and tell her that using my horse for her lessons while i paid her to ride him was unethical. And walk on. Done.

I forsure would not embroil in drama. But that’s my personality. Yours might be different.

[enjoytheride]

Given the time lapse I would move on.

However, I have to worry why “not burning bridges” is so strong in the horse world. Isn’t this how bad trainers continue to operate? I wouldn’t sing it from the mountain tops but I do tell people when it is appropriate that such and such trainer charged full training board to put flying changes on a horse and give it miles over fences while also charging the beginner lesson students who rode it. Owner didn’t find out until she was there unaccounted and a child told her how much they loved jumping her horse.

I left a barn after some pretty bad neglect of my horse and people strongly discouraged me from “bad mouthing” the owners. Ummm, they padlocked horses in stalls, locked gates, and dropped equipment in the driveway to prevent the mass exodus of boarders. You want to think I’m “lying” go ahead but the barn owner came out half naked and drunk and cussed me out when I left 7 days after paying for my 30 days notice. Took 7 days because of the barricading trailers from entering thing…

[Bogey2]

excellent reason to be honest with feedback and I like the kind that is upfront, not put on social media because it gives the person the option to change.

[SpicyPRE]

For me, I would not say something to another person unless I had spoken with the trainer first. In my mind, that is the honest thing to do. I will say that many people find me confrontational, although others value my honesty and integrity. At the end of the day, I have to guess that you feel conflicted or you wouldn’t have posted here asking for feedback. If it were me, I would have a conversation with the trainer.

[dressagegirl123]

I left a trainer many years ago because of unprofessional behavior. I didn’t go into it with them. It wouldn’t have changed anything, and they were very prominent in my sport. They ended up being the Chef d’equipe for the team I rode on years later! Was I ever glad for unburned bridges!!! It won’t make you feel better, and it might affect you down the rode.