Seriously??? Go move to Afghanistan, Iran or India where women are actually second class citizens.
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NC-Southern Pines area. Close to 2 airports RDU & Fayetteville. Southern pines/Pinehurst cute small towns with great restaurants. Raleigh about an hour away has museums, theater and also great restaurants.
As for eventing-mecca for event trainers Bobby Costello, Will Faudree, Caitlin Romeo, Jasmine Hobart to name a few plus the Carolina Horse Park for competitions. Not to mention the 4000 acre Walter-Moss Foundation with tons of trails with great footing.
As for hubby-golf courses out the wazoo. My friend Cassidy Oletjen (Eventer) husband created a equestrian husband support group called Equestrymen he could join. 
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Echoing Piaffequeen (about Southern Pines, not the other part. Inequity amongst sexes and intersectionality is absolutely a thing, and comparing the issues to Afghanistan or Iran is a red herring. There is work to be done everywhere for women’s rights, but absolutely true in the southern states)
But Southern Pines truly checks all your boxes. We adored our 4 years there, and it was only getting better.
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Echoing @AskMyAccountant.17, I’m another in the Atlanta area (I used to live in the city, now I live “OTP” or “Outside The Perimeter”, north of the city) and think it checks all of your boxes. It isn’t the BEST horse area I’ve ever lived, but it has a strong horse scene, I think it meets the rest of your criteria really well. The weather is very mild and we are often cooler in the summer than my parents in central Virginia and definitely cooler than my friend was reporting this summer in SC. Winters are wetter but not too terribly cold (I’m a wimp when it comes to cold, so I think it is plenty cold, but no “normal” person would). It’s nice to be at a facility with an indoor here but I’ve also been able to keep horses in consistent work at facilities without an indoor without too much of a problem.
My boyfriend and I are both in our 30s as well, I travel a lot for work (takes me about 40mins to 1hr to get to the airport, depending on traffic) and he commutes to the city to work from the office a couple of days a week (takes 35-45 minutes, depending on traffic). My boyfriend is also an immigrant (from a Central Asian nation), and non-horsey (although he is coming around!). I find the metro area to be much more liberal than the rest of the state. We live in a great neighborhood that is very multicultural and it is 5 minutes from the barn, which is amazing.
It does seem like there is more of an eventing scene to the south (and maybe east towards Athens?) of the city but we do have some eventing barns up this way too. Nowhere is perfect, here included, but I think that this is a really nice area that has a really good balance between horse and non-horse activities and lifestyle.
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It sounds like based on your additional info down below that the Tampa area might be a good fit for you depending on how self-sufficient you are horse-wise 
Coming from the very liberal North-ish East, FL was not my ideal state but also wound up here for my husband’s job. I have been thoroughly impressed with how progressive Tampa specifically is and it really is a diverse mix of people. The public schools in South Tampa are highly regarded, anywhere in the city or surrounding suburbs is within 30-40 minutes of the airport (which is a great airport BTW), sports/music/food scene is great and always improving, impressive hospital, and it’s a beautiful waterfront town with big city amenities and a small town feel. I will say it’s very expensive to live in South Tampa which is where the concentration of more forward-thinking people and better schools are.
The only downside is the eventing community specifically here is almost nonexistent 
However, some of the suburbs are only an hour from Ocala, so if you’re a go getter with a truck and trailer, you could easily trailer out for lessons regularly with basically any pro you can imagine. While I haven’t explored too much, the H/J scene here seems pretty decent and I imagine you could find a barn with good care and competent jump lessons then just trailer out for dressage/XC. There are two eventing barns that look nice too, Parrish Oaks and Black Dog Farm, but I am currently horseless and they don’t have lesson horses so can’t personally speak to them! I know it sounds funny to suggest a place that doesn’t have the most amazing eventing scene (especially where I’m from and feel SO LUCKY to have had), but if it checks all your other boxes and is still doable, worth a look!
I live in Gainesville, FL - my horses are boarded in Alachua. Nice college town, some beautiful old homes/neighborhoods, good restaurants. Vibrant small city, mostly liberal vibe in the city (though can’t say the same for surrounding areas). Ocala is less than an hour from Alachua, about 30 mins from Gainesville - tons of horsey things to do.
It is extremely, oppressively hot and humid for a sustained time - both my horses tend to have sweating issues toward the end of summer. I sometimes think about relocating to NC.
I visited Aiken and it was okay… not as charming as I expected, there weren’t many restaurants to choose from and several of them were closed when we were there. Stable View looks like an awesome venue.
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If you want Pinehurst/Southern Pines, start shopping now, They’re moving a big pro golf group there, and that’s going to mean higher prices and lower inventory.
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Equestrymen 
absolutely love it!
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Southern pines Nc or Aiken.
Unless you like being braised in your own sweat 10 months out of the year. Then move to FL , where I live.
That said , we are going to be leaving within the next 10 years and probably moving to TN.
I’ve lived in FL my entire life and im so totally over it
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Another vote for Southern Pines, NC. I live here (well, in Pinehurst) and have for 12 years now. I absolutely love it. Raleigh is a short hour drive, there are two airports close by (RDU and Fayetteville), we have a small town feel with PLENTY of things to do. My non-horsey husband loves it here, too. I think its charm is unmatched.
I personally would recommend Pittsboro NC area. You are close to RDU airport, close to Eventing in Southern Pines and Triangle Events. Plus good vets/farriers.
Western NC from Charlotte to Tryon is a great area as well. ~1 hour and change from Tryon to Charlotte’s hub airport and you’re very close to (or in) Tryon, Aiken (2.5 hours), and Southern Pines (2.5 hours). Lexington, KY is a very doable drive, as is really anywhere in VA.
Caveat that it is a popular area and increasingly expensive, but there are plenty of good facilities going strong.
South of Atlanta near Columbus is surprisingly full of eventing. Poplar Place Farm in Hamilton, Libby Head is in Talbotton, Kyle Carter comes for clinics regularly at Big Bear in Pine Mountain. There’s an active foxhunt and pony club. There’s even a steeplechase at Callaway Gardens.
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Scaramouch and Nondeplume, thank you for saying this! Coming from Colorado, I am beyond disgusted with some of the politics happening in our country right now…but I’ve been privileged to not have to think too much about them living here since we have full medical access to our needs in this state. While I do want to start a family, it’s a great point to look at the laws state-by-state to see what kind of prenatal care I’d have access to if the pregnancy were complicated or nonviable. Hate that this has to be a consideration, but it’s a very important point. 
Piaffequeen2, I don’t think anyone is arguing other people have it worse in the world than we do in this country. But that’s 1) not the point, an 2) extremely unrelevant to this discussion. If you want to rage about “baby murder,” there’s plenty of boards to go to to find likeminded people to talk that over with. But a horse site where I’m asking about eventing areas isn’t it.
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Thank you all for the responses so far!! This has been super helpful. My SO actually lived in Atlanta for a few years, and for a variety of reasons isn’t interested in going back, though a lot of people highly recommend it for horses!
He is helping to open a new business concept with 12 locations (10/12 of which are in the south) and when we looked up drive times on Google maps, we actually found that if we ended up in Aiken or Greenville, SC (just south of Tryon), he would be within a 5 hour drive of all 10 locations. Kind of a bonus as he’d be there for 2 weeks at a time, and that way he wouldn’t have to get a rental car. We are going to check out those locations first, followed by Southern Pines and Charlotte area. Thanks again!
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Agree. I’ve lived in Middle TN and now West TN. This state is breaking my heart with what it is proudly doing to women’s rights and human rights in general. Plus the horse community has never lived up to its potential and is going downhill.
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I don’t know that much about the horse scene around Greenville, with regards to boarding/training opportunities, but one of my sisters went to college there and I thought it was a really great city the few times I visited! Best of luck!
Wow, if you find Atlanta weather cooler than VA, I’d hate to ask what VA is like in the summer. I lived north of Atlanta for a few years and can’t think of a hotter more humid place to live. I couldn’t stand it or the horrendous traffic. Is VA really that hot, or more a humidity thing? I was thinking of looking there for the horse scene but will gladly skip it if it’s really that bad.
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If you decide on TN go to Middle or East. The humidity in West TN is beyond horrible. I also think the eventing community in East is pretty good - and closer to events in the East in general. But it snows a lot there. LOL
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From my understanding, “good” is relative. Better than the west and more or less equivalent to the middle but slightly better positioned might be a more accurate way to explain it.
You are totally spot on about how TN doesn’t live up to its “horsey” potential. It should have a much more active and diverse horse scene than it does for a number of reasons. I found that hard to resolve when I lived there.
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