And your opinion is based on your experience as a…parent? Teacher? Curious how you know so many kids where everything is handed to them but they quit when challenged?
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I came in late on this thread and I apologize that I have not read all of the 98 replies, only about 1/10 of them. Here is my take, based on my many years ago experience when my son was 10 years old, and based on your comments that I have quoted:
My son never did have my born in the blood addiction for my horses. It broke my heart, but I had to except it grudgingly. While he liked his dirt bikes, his enthusiasm for those was only as good as when his buddies were riding with him LOL
He was in one sport at school seasonally, as I refused to have him overburdened with too many afterschool activities. He was also a child who was easily bored if his mind couldn’t wrap itself around something 200%.
He did maintain reasonable enthusiasm for his dirt bikes but even those weren’t his thing. He didn’t find his thing until he was about 15 and his father introduced him to dragracing. If I remember he had to be 18 to drive the car down the dragstrip but it was the dragracing that really had my son’s attention and working on the cars to get them to the dragstrip.
I was a diehard trail rider. My son eventually said to me that he was sorry he didn’t care about riding to the depth that I did but he did care about the horses and their well-being. It eventually turned out that we made a deal, that if I was riding around the block don’t bother to call him, LOL. However if I was hauling the horses up to our camp in the mountains for the weekend, he was all in and would go and help me do everything .
My point is, stop spending money; back your daughter out of the horses; let her do her thing and find out what brings her joy even if it’s only for a day. Do that regardless of the activity as long as it’s healthy, and regardless of how it hurts you to see her not want to be your mini me . It took me a year to get over that notion, and from your writings I doubt it will happen overnight for you either, but you have got to let her go and do her thing under your supervision, even if that thing changes faster than you can keep up with:)
Best wishes, I hope this all works out for you:)
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Color me surprised at the amount of responses my post has received!
Color me more surprised at the amount of posters who think an 11 year old needs to be " passionate " about riding or anything else, or you stop doing it?
Exposing a child to different activities ( in moderation) and even competing can do a world of good for confidence building and shape her into the adult she will one day become. Yes, it costs money but what doesn’t??
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Lol most things cost a lot less than a pony! I do agree that it is the rare 11 year old who is passionate about horses/riding in a way that translates into daily riding and chores.
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I think it’s stirred up passion because so many posters would have love to have a horse-crazy mom, lease pony, and the ability to show! With the wisdom of an adult, of course.:lol: Youth is wasted on the young.
I must confess I’m not a parent, but I do work with teens, so feel free to consider this advice as much or as little as you’d like in that light. Even many older teens lack the ability and motivation to follow through on tasks, especially if their parent is willing to compensate for them. I know some incredibly mature kids who have been like mini-adults with horses. Others love horses but have trouble staying on task, listening, and realizing the consequences of their actions (like getting up late for a show). It’s not a reflection of their intelligence–but some kids who aren’t ADHD haven’t quite developed the sense of motivation and follow-through they will as adults. I was a bit like that–I was a great reader, very articulate, but also very “head in the clouds” and sometimes even when I understood how to do something, I had trouble executing it.
It sounds like your daughter loves horses, but the current situation is both expensive and not necessarily the best fit for her right now. Rather than making showing the goal, I’d suggest making simpler tasks the focus, like tacking up correctly (even if an entire session with the pony is devoted to tacking up), and riding a certain number of times a week and paying attention in lessons. Not only is it expensive, but past a certain point IMHO, it’s not really safe for a kid that lacks the ability to handle a horse on the ground and listen to an instructor to progress past a certain level. You need to allow her to fail in a safe manner, over and over again, until she can do things herself. Either she will get discouraged, or she will start to get some grit. Or, if she is genuinely not capable of doing certain things, she may need a much less intensive riding situation (like a once-a-week lesson), until she is capable.
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I’ve been thinking of posting something like this. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Many people do activities that they enjoy but are not passionate about. Lack of all-consuming passion does not equal lack of interest.
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I agree 100% 
The degree of ‘passion’ /commitment/interest, may determine whether an activity is ‘too’ expensive or not. Surely a parent has to factor that in. What I am comfortable spending for myself on a mildly interesting activity is less than what I willingly spend on my main interest, and more than what I will pay for something I am honestly indifferent about. It may be a measure of importance. Priority.
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There is a price tag on passion, and there is also a price tag on things that are merely diversions. Both have to be worked into a family budget, responsibly. Budget priorities have to be assigned where they belong. That may not be for an expensive leased pony (or maybe it is).
OP, whatever your decision, don’t feel pressured feeling as if this is the last decision you will ever make about horses and your daughter. You can make a decision now and still make changes and adjustments to the decision later on.
:yes:
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This, absolutely. I have three daughters, two of them who ride, but neither would I call “horse crazy”, or totally passionate about horses. And that’s okay. We keep horses at home, so it is definitely a luxury that they can be “half in” rather than “all in”, but neither kid is really the “all-in” type. I wasn’t either. We still have fun with pony club and foxhunting, and they also do music, band, soccer, and just have fun playing with friends.
I’d consider allowing your daughter to be “half in”. Half lease out the pony to another kid so they can share the riding time. Try out pony club, so she can just have fun with friends.
My youngest (age 9) pretty much only rides when her friends are riding, but that’s fine. I lend out her pony to other pony clubbers when she isn’t riding or has a soccer game or whatever. That pony is a saint as has a home for life with me, so it works out just fine.
My oldest (age 15) was exactly like my youngest at that age, and then suddenly she got more interested, and seems to have taken over my OTTB, but even she has other major commitments (high school and club soccer) so she’s still what I would consider “half in”. I still ride the OTTB myself too when she is busy (he is my fieldmaster ride). She also gets a fair amount of barn chores assigned to her.
Now if I was shelling out a huge lease fee and board here, it might be a different story, but since we have them at home and the pony is an air fern with no shoes, he’s cheaper than a dog. We ride together when it works, and if kids have other things, no biggie.
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I am new to the horse world but not new to parenting (I have a 4, 11 and almost 14 year old). I would recommend setting a boundary/expectation that she is responsible for XYZ to do at her own motivation (mom do NOT TACK AND UNTACK THAT HORSE) or you WILL cut back to just the once a week schooling lesson. Give a clear time frame (2 weeks? 1 month?) To get used to these new expectations …show you whether she will rise to them or not… and stand your ground.
She may "like"riding but not the care, upkeep, responsibility of leasing a horse. That’s ok. She’s not you.
I would if I could let you borrow my daughter whose dream is to own a horse farm one day…loves the care of the horses as much if not more than riding. Seems to me some love that part and some just don’t.
Good luck whatever you decide!
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so i have 13 and 10yo step daughters.
youngest is not brave and has always needed cajoling…it was starting to stress everyone incl the pony (who is a SAINT) and so we just stopped asking…and several months down the line she never asks to ride.
if we ask she will say yes but you can tell she doesn’t really want to and if we said we were selling the pony there would be tears…but if we just did it…she wouldn’t even notice!
eldest is more committed and enthusiastic by a long way but we have just literally started asking her to do more stables chores…so we will see if she REALLY wants this !!!
and if she doesn’t, the very talented saint will be sold and a mini will keep my boy companion
