Eventers are fun!
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Oh, honey! First off, the eventing fences at lower levels are pretty tiny. Yes, you have to have some impulsion because you’re riding hilly terrain–but you need impulsion to jump at all, so I’m sure you’re used to it.
I can definitely empathize with your confidence issues. I always felt like the worst rider in the group when I rode at my old h/j barn, and in retrospect, I got a lot of negative attention and not much positive. However, I’ve realized in the intervening years that I was one of the poorest [as in less money] riders, that my breeches came from wherever was cheapest and I rode in paddock boots, that my parents were completely disengaged–basically, it was easy to pick on me because I had no leverage or real power! Plus I rode lesson horses for a long time, and some of them were barely trained or badly trained. It’s easy to tell a rider that “the problem is them and not the horse,” but if a horse consistently sucks back behind the leg, refuses to jump, takes off bucking, etc., and tries the same trick with every rider? Then the problem isn’t the rider, it’s the horse!
We’re so often taught that forcing a horse to do what we want is the right choice, that doing anything less is “letting a horse get away with it” and being a bad rider. However, horses can get hurt, be badly trained, or be too old for their current activity! Sometimes the problem is the instructor, or the barn, not the rider.
My advice to you, therefore, is basically the same as my advice to myself. Quit thinking about the “right” thing to do, because there is no objective right thing! Instead, focus on how you FEEL at each barn. Think about the lesson horses you would be riding, and the opportunities at each barn to lease a horse. Think about what you really want to learn next–do you want to jump bigger fences, start showing [and if so, in what discipline], build up to owning a horse? What matters here is what YOU want.
From the way you’ve worded your post, sounds like you want some support in going for Eventing. That’s allowed!!
One of the great things I found about Eventing is that it actually helped build my confidence. Learning more dressage helped me to deepen and stabilize my seat in a way h/j lessons never taught, so I knew I could stay on when horses misbehaved with me. I gained skills in communicating with horses, so much so that I became completely comfortable riding schooling sessions with just a bareback pad. I learned to rely on my seat and thighs to ask a horse to slow down or stop, and only needed the reins to balance or stabilize my horse. These are all invaluable skills which built my confidence as a rider.
Plus–and this is a big plus–there is nothing like galloping towards a fence in the outdoors. Nothing. For me, it’s a thrill, and not at all a source of terror. I find that horses are more focused and “on” in the outdoors, more interested in jumping and more likely to want to rise to the challenge before them. You never know-you might surprise yourself.
Either way, a good trainer won’t ask you to actually school cross-country fences unless they believe you’re ready–and no matter what they think, you don’t have to do that or anything else until YOU feel ready. Sometimes we push ourselves because we don’t want to reveal our weaknesses, but you know what? You have to be mentally and emotionally ready for something, as well as being physically ready. It’s okay to say you’re not ready to jump something, you’re not ready to school cross-country, or anything else. All of this “don’t listen to your fear” or “don’t let your fear run your life” stuff is bullshit. Your fear is there for a reason, just like every emotion–it’s there to tell you something. Wait till you don’t feel afraid, or at least until you feel more excited than afraid.
I bet you’re better than you think you are.
Choose the best instructor with the best school horse for you to learn from. Take a lesson or two at each barn before you make a decision.
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