Neurological Issue? Need Help. Gelding with strange behavior that no one has seen

[Paint_Party]

@TXKing99

I have struggled with the timing of saying goodbye but I have asked my vet for an appointment for next week.

The last horse I had put down was the hardest. Man, I loved that horse. I still think of him, nearly every day, even though I’ve come to love and appreciate the wonderful young horse I have now.

Making the appt. with your vet, and then staring at the date on the calendar, is very emotional. The hours tick away, and even though you know you’re doing the right thing, you sometimes get swept up in a wave of dread. It’s okay to cry, to grieve. It’s also okay to be angry over how your first venture into horse ownership has turned out. We understand.

I hope you can find comfort in knowing that you have been a wonderful caretaker for Jasper.

[IPEsq]

Not the same but I recently had to put a cat down who had developed a very aggressive GI cancer. ‘Round about 2 months from when he got sick it was time. When I knew it was time to make the appointment, it was awful. And awful every day and every minute up to the appointment and for a little bit afterwards. But in comparison to all of the emergency situations I’ve been through with animals, I discovered that I got a lot of my grief out while he was still here for me to hang out with, or through the random crying I also did throughout the day when I was out of the house. I wasn’t so overwhelmed the days after as I’d expected to feel. And I wasn’t living in dread of it becoming an emergency, or worrying if I could get him to eat anything. You are in some of the hardest days now, so take some moments when you can to also give yourself some kindness and care as well as him.

[hut-ho78]

The first horse I put down was the first time I saw a large animal down that had not torn up the ground around them struggling to get back up. I was so grateful I could give her that so very quick death. It was an unexpected gratitude because she was my heart horse, my childhood horse, my lifeline. My mom and I talked about how we can be more merciful to our horses than our people.

The decision is so very very hard. Your son’s comment was brilliant and so right.

Big hug for you.

[mfglickman]

I’m so sorry. Such a heart wrenching experience this has been for you. Jasper certainly found the very best home.

[phantomhorse]

@TXKing99

I have been a basket case coming to this decision and crying randomly.

The final act of love is taking their pain and making it our own. Thank you for putting Jasper’s needs ahead of your own. May you find peace knowing you did the best thing for him.

[TXKing99]

Thank you so much.

[TXKing99]

Thank you. So kind of you to say.

[TXKing99]

Thank you. Such kind advice. We recently had to put 2 horses down at my barn. They were both old and had health issues. It was time. One was an emergency situation, the other planned. I was present for both and as sad as it was to say goodbye, I am thankful I was there. I know what to expect now.

[TXKing99]

I am so sorry for your loss. Even when the signs are obvious it isn’t an easy decision. I really thought I could make Jasper well and am really disappointed that I couldn’t. But when you don’t for sure what’s going on, it’s hard to fix something. Still waiting for the vet to get back to me with an actual date but I dread putting it on the calendar as it will start the countdown. I do feel some peace at having made the decision.
Thank you for sharing your experience and for your encouragement.

[TXKing99]

Thank you. Even though Jasper never seemed to truly connect with me, I have a lot of emotion invested in him. I was so sure I was going to turn him into a confident, relaxed horse. And then when I realized we had something physical going on too, I thought we could overcome that as well. I gave it my best shot and did all I could. I do feel good about that.

Thanks for your kinds words. I am going to take what I have learned and move forward.

[TXKing99]

You all are such a blessing to me. Truly. I will definitely let you know if I have any questions. I appreciate the kind offer.

[TXKing99]

Just having made the decision to say goodbye this month has lifted a little of the weight off of me. Thank you for your insightful and thoughtful comments.

[TXKing99]

Thank you!

[Critter]

Making that decision can be horrible and heart wrenching…especially when you are willing to do what it takes to try and “fix” them.

When my guy had the EDM diagnosis, we couldn’t be certain it was EDM until they did the brain pathology…but we had ruled everything out. He was a stunning 5yo (I bought him as a yearling). I can tell you that making that decision to euthanize was utter agony…what if I was ending his life for no reason and he was just being a quirky baby horse. I can’t tell you how little sleep I got and how sick I made myself during that time. Yet, I knew it had to be done as he was becoming more dangerous. Once I got the report I had closure…didn’t make losing him any easier, but it removed all of the guilt around the decision.

Not having a clear diagnosis, especially in a horse that is not aged, is hard…horribly hard. It’s something I would not wish anyone to have to go through. Take comfort in knowing you tried your best to find help for him…that’s more than a lot of horses get to have.

[pony_baloney]

We’re all there for you. I have found that making that phone call and that decision is the hardest part. It’s now in the hands of your vet.

When euthanizing my dogs I was there until the end. However, for my horse I was with him for the first shot only. I then turned around, covered my ears and walked away. I didn’t want my last memory of him seeing or hearing him go down or hearing the vet try to calm him. Most people are okay with all of this and see it through but I don’t regret what I did. When he was gone she called me back (it was all very quick) and we sat with him while she braided a section of his tail for me; she had covered his eyes with a towel as well.

You’ve gone above and beyond trying to help him and he’s lucky to have found you…

[ratchet]

We had to put down two beloved old horses this last week, one emergency and one planned. I was there throughout the entire process for both, but there is absolutely no shame in walking away and preserving your memories of them. In both cases, I feel solace in being able to release them from pain and provide quick and dignified passings.

I’ve been following your journey from the beginning and my heart goes out to you, OP. Jasper is lucky to have you looking out for him.

[vxf111]

Thinking of you. You’re doing the right thing. Doesn’t makes it easier. But you are.

[JBCool]

@joiedevie99

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Even when it is right, it is not easy.

This pretty much sums it up. Most of us have BTDT for any number of reasons and it never gets easier. HUGS and jingles, OP, but I, too, think you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes a mystery just has to stay a mystery and the decision is based on what you can see without knowing the why.

[lintesia]

My first horse crossed the bridge when he was 30. I had never had an old horse and I requested that his caretakers at his retirement place give me guidance (one was his vet) about when to make the decision. What I knew for sure was that I did not want there to be any drama or pain – he was a TB and I had this fear that he would be galloping and would fall and would not be able to get up. One day I received a call from his caretakers saying that there had been a change and that I should come out when it was convenient. I went out that day (he was about 100 miles from where I lived) and saw that yes, there was a drastic change in how he walked (he was more sidestepping than anything). I asked if we could put him down the next day and was told yes. My DH and I went out the next morning, fed him lots of licorice and carrots and treats and then I led him to the far pasture where the vet put him down.

What truly astonished me in the days that followed was the relief I felt as opposed to grief. I realized that for years, every time I would get a call from his caretakers, I was expecting the worst and dreading the sort of end that he did not deserve. I felt so lucky that my dear Poet went peacefully.

OP, you’ve been on a long difficult journey with Jasper and he has been fortunate to have you as his person. It’s okay to feel as though a weight has been lifted from your shoulders after he crosses the bridge. {{Hugs}}

[TXKing99]

Hello. I have a quick update. While my vet has not had interest from any schools in doing a study, he is interested in doing a case study. He has searched and cannot find a similar case in the literature. He has to find a collaborator and there’s no guarantee that it will get published, but he would like to try and if nothing else, it may give us some answers. SO, that’s where we are. He is working on the details so I haven’t said goodbye yet.
I will keep you all posted.

Laura