Nevermind.

…while she slowly licked the froth of cappucino from her upper lip and sipped her…

well, and sipped more from her cup and then placed it on one of the lovely tiles that she had picked up from the Moravian Tile Company in Bucks County, Pa. a few weeks ago. She really wanted a few of the historical and beautiful tiles and so bought some to use as coasters. This tile had a cream colored glaze over a bas-relief of a horse. It also had an edging glaze of a beautiful green color, as well.

As she pondered the green of the tile glaze she couldn’t help but think of the story that she had read about on the CoTh forum earlier that day. Tikihorse2 (TH2) had apparently met the most handsome man in the most…err…unusual position, so to speak.

As she(TH2) sat in the afternoon sun on an overturned bucket; not unlike the ribbon diving Geek had at one time but- with her hands poised above her laptop as the chocolate covered Johnny Depp looked on…

Anyway while on her bucket TH2 just happened to have her arm, and hand and most of her elbow in her gelding’s sheath, matter-of-factly giving it the good cleaning that it so obviously needed. She hummed as she worked, the gelding’s head nodding in relaxation as his itchies were assuaged and his smegma was loosened and rinsed away.

Suddenly, TH2 heard the gravelly sound of a male throat being cleared behind her. She jumped, of course, being a bit startled and all, causing the horse to tuck his haunches and raise his sculpted head in surprise with a delicate snort. As TH2 and her gelding looked at the tall dark strangerwho had come up behind them, both of them wide eyed & with nostrils flared she noticed that his eyes were the most incredible shade of green, not entirely unlike the verdant green glaze on the edge of RydArab’s Moravian tile.

The horse didn’t notice the gorgeous green eyes but he did happen to catch a glimpse of a long and orange something protruding from the man’s tool belt. His sweet equid mind could not know that it was the foam coated handle of a pair of wire snippers as his mouth began to water and his gut began to gurgle with the sounds of pre-digestion.

TH2 turned around slowly and with some suspicion and some interest & looked the green eyed hunk over- up and down, down & up. He had on a shirt that looked to be employer issued but yet it was enticingly open down to the third button from his collarbone. A few stray curls of dark auburn chest hair escaped the shirt just below the hollow of the muscular column of his throat. He was not wearing a wife beater or an undershirt of any kind. She couldn’t help but notice how his pectoral muscles pressed against the pinstriped fabric, causing the embroidered name tag with the moniker “Ed” to be pulled so tautly that the “E” & “D” seemed to be much wider than they might have been if they had been emblazoned on the shirt of a guy with a name like Leslie or Ashley, even.

He said to her “Ma’am, have you experienced an interruption in your power service today?” When her eyes met his she felt a jolt of electricity shoot through her body from stem to stern. “Interruption” she asked, with tiny bolts of lightning in her eyes. “No…no interruption in the power today”, she breathed, completely unaware that she still had her arm (to the elbow, mind you) into her patient gelding’s sheath.

She noticed the power-line man’s gaze move from her luminous eyes, down her cheek to her neck, to the place where her blouse billowed open slightly in the breeze…and then to her arm. You know, the one leading to Mr. Gelding’s cough hoo-hoo.

Their eyes flew to each other in alarm as she said to him “I was just”… and he interrupted, his fingers toying gently with his fourth button, “Is that?”… “Yes” she said slightly sheepishly… “ok?’…he trailed off.

She removed the “busy” hand from its occupation and peeled off a long and soapy latex glove which she discarded beside her bucket perch onto the dusty ground. She matter-of-factly rinsed what needed rinsing and realized while she applied a bit of baby oil that he was still there, Ed, the power line man. And what’s more he appeared to have little tiny lightning bolts in his eyes now, too. He was also a bit antsy, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, as if he were rather ouchy in the hoof, or something. Naturally, by habit, TH2 peeked at the back his neck to check for crestiness. Little did she know that she was perusing the wrong region, & by a long shot, too.

She, not wanting to be an impolite hostess said “Can I get you some lemonade, or something?” as she picked up the thick cotton lead and rose to return her squeaky clean horse to his stall. He looked at her like a drowning man, as she stood before him in skin tight full seats, the likes of which he had never seen before. “Umm”…he purred like a barn cat presented with an opened tin of Fancy Feast, “Yes, lemonade”…

She reached for his hand with her other, baby oil free hand and led him and her horse toward the dim and inviting barn. Inside she could hear the Farmeress attempting to cajole Monty from behind the wheelbarrow where he was hiding from HL who had inadvertently rolled him onto the hose reel previously.

Once more TH2 glanced at the handsome, uniformed man beside her. She noticed how his hair had a slight wave and reflected the sunlight in shades of auburn and russet. His cheeks were high and his strong jaw was slightly stubbly. His eye lids seemed heavy and were half closed and his lips… well…never mind.

I must shamefully admit how much I’m enjoying this thread…

While I’ve restrained from joining in the fun myself, I simply must share a pic of a horse I, errrr…mmmmm…came across this AM…SURELY this guy deserves a starring role in this ‘story’…?:yes:

Horse Character for CoTH Barnyard Bodice Ripper:eek:

…but before TH2 could find some lemonade for Ed the powerman, she was interuppted by a shriek from beyond the barn. It was farmeress, who came running in, squealing, “We’ve won! We’ve won!”

TH2 and Ed were both taken aback - “Won what?” they exclaimed. Ed was thinking that if farmeress had won the lottery, well then, he could get far more …lemonade with someone who had won the lottery than with someone who cleaned sheaths for a living or someone who could only afford to collect Moravian horse tiles rather than toy boys.

Alas, it was not to be. farmeress was delightedly waving around a picture of her horse, “Studly Do-Right” (http://bewitchedarabiansfarm.com/suggestivemarkings.JPG), which she co-owned with RydArab and ~Freedom~ - a handsome skewbald colt. (Studly is the colt, not ~Freedom~, for those of you keeping a scorecard). It seems that they had entered Studly in a Virtual Horse Show, the link to which cannot be printed here in case some of the underage COTHers were to click on it. “And what’s the prize?” asked TH2. “Is it a rosette you can pin on someone like Johnny Depp? Is it waterproof? Those other rosettes really haven’t lasted well in the hot tub.”

farmeress sighed. “Once again,” she commented, stroking her fingers through her long curly tresses as she eyed Ed the powerman, whose shirt was now unbuttoned to the 5th hole, “you have missed the point. It is the honor, the glory, that we seek.”

She coyly motioned to Ed. “Maybe you’d like to see Studly,” she cooed. “In fact, in some ways…he reminds me of you. He’s white and auburn all over as well…and I can see that tattoo peeking out of your shirt…I wonder…why don’t we compare your markings with his? I think you have way more in common than you might think…just as you might have way more in common with me than with TH2…”

As the two of them sauntered out of the barn, TH2 looked dejectedly at her patient gelding, still in cross ties, and the littered gloves and baby oil droplets scattered about the barn aisle. “Ah well,” she said, "When life gives you lemons, you make…

…nevermind."

When life gives you lemonaides…you buy a couple bottles of vodka and get the party started.

Which is exactly what farmeress did.

With the drinks flowing freely, even Monty joined in things began to take a new turn.

People were laughing, some talking while others mixed new drinks up. Some began to dance seductively including the two Mods, Rikki, Raoul, Joe, DGRH and bewitchedarabians, and Will Shatners’ horse. They swayed with the music and began to slowly take off…

nevermind

…because pretty much whenever any of these people began to drink, they all envisioned themselves as far more seductive and sexy than they really were (except for Joe the powerman, who really was as seductive and sexy as everyone thought, if only because he is a fantasy). Even the geldings no longer thought of themselves as geldings, but as…

…nevermind.

Even the geldings no longer thought of themselves as geldings but as Pegasus the white wing stallion flying high over everyone. Looking down on the activities below, their minds began to ponder the scene as it unfolded.

Monty thought he was the largest two eyed Anaconda that was black and sleek.

In their own minds each and every person saw themself as bronzed Addonasis with beautifully sculpted bodies that were…

Nevermind…

That will be sculpted into widely dispersed marble statues. http://www.prometheus-imports.com/ocDT221028kiss.jpg

Freedom being the most sensible one ( at least at this moment) calls up her artist friend to try to get the statues started, before everyone is so dead drunk( limp bodies do not look well in marble). Not long into the drinking orgy the artist Pierre arrives and looking at all the naked bodies, Ed cloths are now completely off as are all both Mods and even Aunt Ester is in the buff. Seems that Thomas is the only one still dressed, sort of, with egad…BOXERS !!!

“Mon ami” Pierre exclaims I am in heaven I have so much to work with. His eyes goes over every little curve of each body and even Freedom is now in the midst of the nekked drinking party.

Well what the heck says Pierre I will get pull on… never mind.

"Well what the heck, "said Pierre, “I will just pull on my artiste smock and get to work.
Usually I do some small sculpting in clay before I cast the models. Maybe this time I will start with some conti drawings.”

He continued to peruse the scene before him, numerous writhing bodies of many species - human, pig, horse, goat, and other species which he had only seen in display cases at the local boulangerie back home, and whose names he could not pronounce.

“No,” he stated emphatically, “What this calls for is finger paint. Now, whether to finger paint onto the paper, or finger paint directly into some of those bodies…”

…nevermind.

As the artist pulls out the fingerpaints everyone gets excited. Red, Blue Yellow paint were being flung to each corner of the barn. Geek was drawing the molecular structure of Hydrogen on Johnnie’s sculpted abs. as Johnny starts with the obvious smiley face on Geeks…well nevermind. Pat Parelli was tied up in the corner… because when he tried join up with the nekkid action there was an immediate cease and desist taken on by the rest of the gang cause NOBODY wanted to see that unclothed. As he was struggling tied up in the extra long Parelli brand lunge line 49.99 plus tax, the parrot took that opportunity to chose his head as a perch from which to watch the goings on. Pierre inspired by all the color and sculpted bodies writhing before him decided to strip down and

nevermind

…the parrot then added his own color, as he flew aloft, stopping only to hover and…

…nevermind.

[QUOTE=DressageGeek “Ribbon Ho”;2950746]
…the parrot then added his own color, as he flew aloft, stopping only to hover and…

…nevermind.[/QUOTE]

…stopping only to hover o’er Pat’s head, proudly admiring his own artistic talent…

the somewhat shy and always self conscious, being one of the ‘womanly sized clique’, bewitched—who had innocently found herself dragged into this wonderful but hedonistic fest (when all she had done was come across and recommended purchase of the magnificent Studly DoRight who farmeress, RydArab, and ~Freedom~ quickly bought in partnership)—quietly and quickly slipped unnoticed out of the barn…after all, there could never be enough vodka consumed by not only herself, but by anyone else involved as well, for her to feel comfortable or accepted…though quite possibly, if she were brave (or generous!) enough to share, the homemade wine her own Farrier had given her would undoubtedly remove any care or self-concsiousness and would ensure acceptance of her womanly size…she quickly thought though, NEVERMIND all of this, however tempting it may be…I’ll save my precious wine for a private party in my own barn, and with that, she silently closed the barn door as she left with a certain sadness in her heart as well as…well nevermind that…

Everyone else was so wrapped up in themselves and each other with the body painting and sculpting with poultice clay that her departure went unnoticed…she only prayed that with all the painting and sculpting with poultice clay that none of the…members…wound up being inadvertantly blistered or…

nevermind…

She only prayed that with all the painting and sculpting that her departure went unnoticed…

Suddenly she felt as firm grip in her wrist. “No, no,” tutted Pierre, “You do not escape that easily.”

Pierre dragged bewitchedarabian baack into the barn

“You are now part of this painting, I will not let you escape.”

She suddenly felt a hot, sweet breath behind her ear.

“You are a beautiful woman,” purred Raoul, “Come with me and join the fun with the finger paints.”

Staring into those deep eyes, bewitchedarabian found herself drawn back into the place she had tried to escape.

All she could see was an ocean of blue, tugging her away from shore and losing herself in the current. She happily gave in to Raouls’ request knowing no harm would come to her.

Meanwhile the people had found the finger paints and were now decorating many of the horses in bright tie-dyed colours. The horses were thinking to themself…

“OH GOD…this is total NEEIIGHHAAMM…”

Monty looked like a clourful Mardi Gra streamer.

DGRH had started to paint Johnny Depp covering him in small circular motions, starting at his chest moving slowly down his sculpted abs, slow, soft circles leading down towards his…

nevermind

Alternate “scene” for Bewitched’s attempted departure from the Nevermind Farm and Stables…

[QUOTE=bewitchedarabians;2951228]
she only prayed that with all the painting and sculpting with poultice clay that none of the…members…wound up being inadvertantly blistered or…

nevermind…[/QUOTE]

blistered or permanently stained by the cadmium reds and yellows that were flowing so freely from inquisitive finger tips even as the the vodka & lemonade was flowing from glasses to gullets.

Bewitched was completely unaware that when she crept from the barn that someone saw her. That someone was blinked his eyes in pleasant surprise when her saw her shapeliness emerge from behind the paneled, sliding barn door. He forgot to breathe for a moment when she turned around and he beheld a face so lovely that he also forgot that he was looking for his missing field partner, Ed, the power man.

His heart sped up beneath his embroidered name tag that read “Jed” partly because of he knew he had found the woman of his dreams and partly because he was one of those rare gentlemen who had a thing for horses. He loved them ( ahem-not like that…). He grew up riding and roaming the hills of Montana before he had relocated to land of Nevermind as an adult, leaving behind his beloved 1/2 Holsteiner- 1/2 Gypsy Vanner mare who called Faartzin Butterflies. He could smell that alluring horsy smell overlaid with the fragrance of unsuspecting woman. Reacting without thought he strode over to her, each step stretching over the span of what 3 normal steps would be, in his hurry to reach the woman.

Just as she slid the heavy barn door to close with a small grunt from herself and a long squeak from the door Bewitched felt a large hand close over her shoulder and spin her around. She was facing the manliest man that she had ever seen. His face was covered in tanned, perfect skin; his hair was irresistibly soft looking. She too felt herself soften like a chocolate/vanilla swirl cone served up in the heat of the afternoon sun.

He leaned toward her as if to kiss her and she regained her senses and gave him a slap that would have made the most unruly stallion quiver and drop his head in the utmost respect.

Jed was surprised, but he was also undaunted as he slung her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing at all and carried her around to the side of barn and gently lowered her into the fragrant pile of pine shavings stored there. He bent beside her on one knee and looked deep into her pleasantly shocked eyes. He smiled and touched her downy cheek and opened his mouth and as she closed her eyes in acquiescence she heard a deep male voice say “Pat, you are all tied up!”, in a surprised tone. Bewitched’s love weighted eyelids opened with a snap. Jed cocked his head to the left. She followed his gaze to the iron grill that covered the stall window from which the voice had emanated. "Mmmrph, mmumph MYRRPKKPH!” they heard next, Bewitched and Jed.

Inside the barn Ricky reached over and removed the dusty polo wrap from Pat Parelli’s mouth with an audible pop. “They tied me up and left me here” he whined, his chin wobbling tremulously. “There, there” soothed Ricky. “I will untie you now, Pat”. “Again you will be free” he said. And so Ricky labored to untie all the special horse related knots that the Moderators had so carefully placed upon the person of the rather annoying Mr. Parelli.

Bewitched and Jed had by now abandoned any thought of their impending love tryst in the shaving stack as they strained their ears toward the dim window. The moment, although temporarily forgotten- certainly wasn’t lost. Worry not. Jed’s ears weren’t the only part of his anatomy that were at ready attention…His neural synapses were firing madly and the receptors, well, more on those later.

After a moment or two the shavings-dusted-would-be-lovers heard a light scuffling as Ricky helped to free Pat not only from his lunge tape bondage but some of the horse hairs that were stuck to his lip balm. Pat, also picking them and spitting, stood abruptly and thanked Ricky for his help, his big hat held earnestly over his chest.

As Pat turned to leave the stall Ricky said “Um, Pat?”, “Yes, Ricky” replied he. “So… do uhh…you want to go watch Broke Back Mountain again in the boarder’s lounge?”, questioned Ricky batting his long, long lashes. Pat sighed and thought for a moment of his long lost Linda. He still could feel the shame of the moist & crumpled twenty dollar bill in his sweaty palm and the heartache so deep within in his barrel chest. His cowboy boot heels were run down low from all the jumping and calvaletti work that Aunt Esther had imposed upon him.

Jed cringed and Bewitched winced as they both heard Pat reply “Oh heck… Why not Ricky…” As their voices faded away to nothingness into the depths of that wild, wild barn Jed turned back and looked at his Rubenesque amoure Bewitched wryly and said “It takes all kinds” To that she wound her fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and pulled him toward her and whispered huskily… “Never mind”…

(BTW- LOVED the silly-putty:yes:)

awww, thanks ladies…what the fruitbat, if I must remain in the story, while both scenes are very good, I’ll submit to RydArab’s…it at least lets me feel like I’m maintaining some (false) semblance of modesty and naivety, not being inside the barn amongst all the total NEEIIGHHAAMM…:wink:
carry on, and nevermind me…

“let me help you,” DGRH offered bewitchedarabians. “One reason I’m in the hot tub is that every time I dunk, no one can see my face. Or my body. It’s the perfect excuse to be part of the ongoing goings-on, without completely losing my modesty. We’ll have to think of something similar for you!”

“A burka?” bewitched offered shyly. “No,” thought DGRH, “the guys here are so wasted that they probably would think it was curtains or something. No, we need something else.”

And so they pondered, while everyone else was running amok with finger paints. No one noticed them. “How about…” ventured DGRH,“no…that wouldn’t work…maybe a …? no…”

…nevermind."

“I’ve got a solution,” Aunt Esther declaimed, striding resolutely into the room, trailing her carpetbag-sized Prada purse behind her. “My new line of fashionable riding apparel for womanly-sized riders. After reading all the stories on the Womanly Sized Riders, Unite! thread, I simply had to do it. And it’s environmentally friendly.”
From her bag, she pulled out a set of riding clothes fashioned from the finest recycled barn materials, and laid them out on a bale of hay for bewitchedarabians and DGRH to behold: black dressage boots with Spanish tops made of burnished leather, recycled from old Passier bridles, that hugged a curvy woman’s calf, BEGINNING in a size 16 1/2; an exquisite lightweight dressage coat with a plum Coolmax silk lining and silvery horsehead buttons recycled from horseshoe nails; white tropicweight full-seats made partially from reused plastic feedbags. Bewitchedarabians quickly donned the outfit and admired her reflection in the water in the hot tub: curvy yet sleek, and altogether very elegant. DGRH and Aunt Esther were smiling at her as she tried on the stock tie and jeweled amethyst stock pin, but DGRH was suddenly noticing something else… A group of COTHers who were still arguing about the “I don’t teach fat riders” thread had come into the room and were causing such negative vibrations that the room was beginning to spin, causing the water in the hot tub to spin as well, creating a whirlpool. “What do you think about this stock pin?” bewitchedarablians murmured, but suddenly felt dizzy herself as Jed walked over the threshold.
“Nevermind,” she blurted out, "I’ll…

…when suddenly Velvet woke up. She remember posting a thread on COTH, asking a question. Before she returned the the COTH page, she quickly googled and found her answer in Wikkipedia. “How simple,” she thought. "I’d better go back and delete my question, or may just say

…nevermind."

but little did Velvet know that her undone question thread would take on a life of it’s own, a life including an assortment of barnyard and other types of animals, of humans who ride and/or wear manolo’s and swing big purses not to mention power line men & farriers who swung big tool belts, too. It was a virtual world of virtual nudity and plentiful never minds.

Because the thread had morphed into something else completely different, I am sure, than what she originally had intended Velvet could only sit back and watch each bizarre twist and turn these many storylines have taken. Even so she was not even slightly prepared for what happened next.

(music fading softly in…)
The announcer’s deep voice says…"Like turds through the fork tines…and so are the days of our livestock…(music fading out to raised voices…)

…“No, Ricky” you may NOT touch that". “I don’t care how much you liked that movie, I AIN’T herding sheep with you and I sure as HECK ain’t sleeping in no d@mned boy scout tent, neither!” Pat shot Ricky a stern look and with a tilt to his chin he strode out of the boarder’s lounge in a huff that would make any cowpoke proud.

At the end of the dimly lit aisle way he could make out a few forms, non-equine in stature. They were huddled together in a deep & heated conversation. Pat being a bit traumatized from what he had just been through in the boarder’s lounge wiped a leftover tear from his eye (it was a sad movie) and picked up a fork and decided to muck out the stall closest to him, for old times sake. Mr. P’s stall mucking days had been behind him for a few years now, he felt a little rusty but with each thrust & lift of the poop laden fork his sinovial fluids started flowing again and his tired BNT joints were loosening up real nice-like.

The people at the other end of the aisle in the shadows were the Moderator Number 1 and the nameless faceless, (not to mention tactless) riding instructor who “doesn’t teach fat people”, who will be referred to as Ms. Meanbreeches, or MMB from this point forward. It seems that MMB was concerned about the weights of some of the lovely ladies in attendance at the Nevermind Farm & Stables and felt that it was her duty to either #1 run them all off with cruel and caustic remarks or to lace the water cooler in the boarder’s lounge with Alli- the new dietary supplement that causes the fat and sugars in food to pass suddenly and thoroughly from one’s body without warning or control. Did I mention the word “unexpectedly”? That word will certainly come in to further play during this installment.

The Moderator #1 informed her that verbal abuse really isn’t allowed and that as long as the horses being ridden were comfortable, healthy and ridden in proper balance, MMB’s opinion didn’t really matter, anyhoo. MMB did neglect to mention her other little idea; so as the Moderator walked away to further monitor the CoTH goings on MMB made her devious way into the boarder’s lounge. She looked to the right and then to the left, to be sure that no-one would see what she was up to. She reached into her cheapo canvas purse (she had no $ for a Louis Vuitton, since she turned away students too often) and withdrew a super sized package of Alli, in a dissolvable powder form. She dumped it into the water cooler, pulled a small crop from her boot and stirred the Alli in until it was undetectable to the naked eye, she furtively looked around once more and slipped out the door that she had come in, never to be seen again on this particular farm.

And speaking of naked and eyes- RydArab had finally learned enough in her chemistry class to make her fantasy of wrapping the naked farrier in fresh home-made silly putty a reality at last. In the tack room she was doing just as DGRH had predicted and was turning him this way and that, reading from the copied Chronicle of the Horse magazine printed onto the silly putty that he had been so carefully swathed in. She heard voices and a sound sort of like water gurgling, but ignored them in favor of her present occupation, for obvious reasons.

One of those voices, a soft, sultry deep one belonged to Jed who was once again purring into Bewitched’s ear, telling her that she was the most beautiful woman that he had ever seen and that he wanted “to carry her away with him to Montana to start a new horse farm of their own and populate it with the horse breed of her choice and maybe 9 or 10 mini-Jeds, who knows?” he told her. She sighed and looked in to his eyes and said to him “Make that Montana in the summer & Hawaii in the winter and you’ve got a deal power-man”.

As they continued their heated canoodling (while dressed most modestly, mind you) Linda P. came slinking into the barn looking not unlike a possum having a bad hair day. She headed straight to the boarder’s lounge and reached for a conical paper cup and filled it to the brim with icy cold water from the water cooler. The laced water cooler…little did she know.

As the first droplets passed her lips she could not have known that though her fate was sealed other parts of herself would not be so, shortly. While she gulped down the second cup she had no idea how much worse she was making things for herself. After cup number three she crumpled the paper cup, pitched at the waste can, missed, being a slob-left the wadded cup on the floor and then walked over to the other side of the room.

“Umm” said Linda, “Donuts, one of the boarders must have brought these in to share this morning”. She had a Boston Cream first, “A little stale”, she thought, “but still quite yummy” and so she ate one more. Next she had 2 lemon custards dredged in powdered sugar. She found that flavor of donut to be very tasty. Her final donut was so difficult to choose “Should I have a cruller, or a double chocolate, or maybe a glazed or a blueberry cake donut?” Linda munched away, finally picking the glazed donut & while she was chewing she was pondering the complexities of life’s choices from who to ride with, whom to marry to which kind of donut to complete her binge with. Before she knew it she had eaten on of each kind in the large box. She had one more cup of that icy cold and delicious water to wash them all down. And with the final chug she went off to collect her horse and bring him in for grooming.

When Linda got to the pasture she noticed that her tummy felt a little funny. She ignored it thinking that she must have gobbled those donuts much too quickly. She brought her horse into the barn showed him her carrot stick and told him to “Stand” for good measure. Monty glided along the concrete floor looking for snakey things to do and the parrot was perched above the horse & human on a rafter with his head under his wing taking his afternoon bird-nap.

In a stall a few doors down Pat thought that he heard the sound of a carrot stick slicing through the air. He peeked out and saw her… his Linda…her back was turned so he could gaze at her derriere for long moments without her beginning to complain. He was lost in thoughts of how he loved Linda when he heard an odd sound. Linda jumped a bit as though she had been goosed and put her hand on her belly. She stood straighter, shook her head and continued grooming the horse.

Just as Pat got up the nerve to leave the stall and approach his Linda both of the moderators entered the other end of the barn for their afternoon cruise-by to make sure that all was as it should be.

Pat walked quietly up behind the busily grooming Linda and said… “Linda”…trailing off. She sighed, turned slowly around and opened her mouth to say something but instead got a funny pained look on her face. Pat looked at her curiously as she clutched her belly and doubled over expelling a polysyllabic round of gas that caused the parrot to fall from his perch onto the dozing horse in a tizzy of feathers, fluff and furious squawkings. Of course, the horse spooked, snapping his lead and heading for the hills, carrot sick be d@mned.

The moderators 1 & 2 looked at one another in surprise as Linda began to emit other “stuff” besides just gas right before Pat’s stunned eyes. It was unbelievable, what came out of that woman as she stood there helplessly looking at her stomach like she had a serious grain colic coming on. In a way I guess she kind of did.

The moderator #1 whispered “Oh, no!”. The moderator #2 whispered “Oh, God” and Pat stood there looking at Linda who appeared about to turn herself inside out right there in the aisle and said “sh!t” I’m sure no pun was intended, however Linda took offense anyhow, considering her condition and lunged for Pat with a look of fury on her face. She tripped over poor Monty and went flying through the air landing in Pat’s arms with a weird and wet squelchy sound. By now Pat was no longer sure that he actually wanted her in his arms, again, for obvious reasons. He also seemed to be turning blue from trying not to breathe with Linda so close and in her current condition.

The Moderator #1 thinking back to the conversation with MMB earlier that day put one… and number two… together and turned to Moderator #2 and said “Have you heard about that new dietary supplement called Alli?” M#2 shook her head dubiously as M#1 explained the concept. Linda, deep in Pat’s arms looked at him and at her less than sanitary self and said to him with large eyes and brows raised “Oops”.
She happened to say this at the very same time as M#1 who was just finishing up the description of Alli & it’s well known “Oops” side effect. “I wonder where that MMB has gotten off to”, wondered M#2 aloud. They both turned again and looked once more at Mr. & Mrs. P and said simultaneously to one another…“nevermind”. Moderator # 1 then said with a little smirk to M#2 "……

RydArab you ain’t right…:lol::lol::lol:

nevermind

Why… Thank you, HL. I gave up on being right long ago… :lol::lol::lol:

But alas, this is much more fun so never mind…