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Preparing for the end…update 6/28/23

Update 6/28/23- we laid him to rest yesterday :broken_heart: He was quieter than usual Sunday and Monday, and Tuesday morning he told me it was time. I just knew by how he looked at me in the morning he was ready. We spent the day snuggling and eating pizza (his favorite!) before the vet came to our house and pts. My heart is still broken and I miss him like crazy but I 100% believe it was time and the right decision. He’s buried at my family’s farm under a plum tree. Thank you everyone for the advice. Hug your dogs tight :heart::paw_prints:

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My old rescue is approaching the end…. And I’m struggling with this.

My inner horse-person knows a day-too-early is better than a minute-too-late. I don’t want to see him suffer. I don’t want to see him in pain.

On the other hand…

He is the glue I didn’t know we needed. It’s so incredibly corny, but he really, truly adopted us. I knew he was staying forever on day 2. We celebrated 3 years together in October and even when we got him (he was a senior then) I figured every day was a gift. I think his age was under-estimated and, as possible with any rescue, his health was ehhh at best. He is my boy. Always wants to be near me and has separation anxiety when I leave him. Not a mean bone in his body. Just always wants cuddles and love (and garlic bread or pizza). My other two dogs are females and while they are not the best of friends, they work better because of him. Each are friends with him so together they are all good.

I’ve been seeing him decline with his mobility. My dh has seen it too. He’s not on any daily meds (supplements, yes, he gets glycoflex daily) but gets rimadyl when I know he will be more active. This past thanksgiving we did our usually visiting of the parents and in-laws so had him dosed with rimadyl for comfort and after a particularly long day, he struggled to go outside; tripped over a door frame in the hind end and took a minute or two to get back up. Stairs can be difficult but this was the first time I saw a door frame get him tripped up.

I think this incident was unique to situation but I have been noticing him getting slower to make it up the 5 stairs from the backyard. Day-to-day, he seems pretty happy and content. He gets around pretty well but I know one wrong move could have him down.

So… I write all this because I would like some help knowing how to accept when it is time. I don’t think it’s immediate; maybe 3-6-9 months but I know it’s coming. This is extremely likely our last Christmas with him. I just turned 30 so this is the first pet that I’d be making the decision on. I don’t want to mess it up- he is the best boy and deserves the best end.

How do I decide when it’s time? Do I pick a day in the spring, feed him an entire pizza, bring him to the vet and say good bye? Do I wait until he shows me a sign (not eating, can’t get up, doesn’t want to sit with us)? His annual is in January so I’ll certainly be talking to the vet about this but I’d appreciate the Coth collective.

I’m happy to do what it takes to keep him comfortable and happy but I’m struggling with where the line is that divides his comfort and happiness with mine. I know dogs live in the moment but it’s so.much.harder. when it’s your own dog….

Thoughts? Advice?

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I am so sorry you are going through this. It is the hardest thing in my opinion about having pets. I just recently lost my sweet elderly dog the other day so I understand what you are going through. In my case my girl was slowly losing mobility and balance. She was on 3 different meds and we worked with our Vet to manage her condition.
The other day she could not get up at all and would not eat anything. I called the Vet and brought her in but I knew I was going to have to say goodbye. The Vet agreed that we were now in a quality of life issue and there was not much else we could do for her.

I think knowing that you did you best to give your pet a good life and they gave you lots of love and enjoyment takes some of the hurt away but its still hard. People say the only time a pet breaks your heart is when you have to say goodbye. Again, I am so sorry. Take care.

I waited two days too late (because Covid and being in the middle of a move, so not yet having a vet). Once I realized that my sweet Robear was not going to make the transition, I was in a fever of regret, calling every vet in the world, finding no help, delay delay delay, and he was suffering.

I have never regretted anything so much.

Finally found a vet to put him down but we had already made the move and couldn’t even bury him in the garden of the house he had known for years.

Do NOT be like me.

ETA one of the reasons I mention his burial is that I found it very cathartic with Robear’s predecessor to bury him myself, at my home. Both were big dogs. It was not an insignificant task. But it was “the last act of care” that I could do for them, and it gave me some closure.

I was surprised to feel this way. You may not, dunno. But, you might

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For me, my small animal decisions on when it’s time differ from the decision for my large animals and that is mainly because I see my small animals daily and am the full time caregiver for the smalls and the horse was boarded. Also logistically, picking the day for my horse took more coordination than my indoor cats.I still think it’s always better a day too soon. My most recent two cats that I had to put down, one was elderly with kidney disease and the other was only 9 but with lymphoma, and sadly I lost both of them within 2 months of each other.

For the kidney disease cat, she somehow picked up a respiratory infection and in hindsight, that was the beginning of the end. If I had my crystal ball, I’d have put her down as soon as that started because it was just kind of a slow decline over a couple of months. She started really not wanting to eat and I made the call for her then.

For the lymphoma cat, she was doing pretty well till one day she just wasn’t, started spending some time under the bed and I knew it was time. For both of those cats I used an in home service and it was the best possible way to handle it.

For your dog, I’d probably make a list of things he loves to do the most and when he starts to stop loving to do some of them, it’s probably getting pretty close. I really don’t think I could pick a random day with my dog and say ok this is it (unless she had cancer or something similar). Not that that is the wrong thing to do, I just personally would have a hard time with that. So far for me it’s worked well to pay very close attention. I journal which helps immensely to see patterns of what is going on, and make the call the second I start wondering if it’s really time.

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Giving our pets a peaceful end is so important and I am glad you are thinking about this now to help prepare yourself. It is NEVER an easy decision regardless of how old you are or how long you have had the pet or even how many you have. (although, having one and coming home to an empty house is horrible) So I am glad to hear you have two other dogs.

Hopefully the vet will have more insight in Jan regarding his quality of life. My current “old man dog” is 13, and gets Adaquan injections to help with his joints. I have noticed, like yours, his struggle to climb stairs, he thinks about going down the hill in our yard because then he will have to go back up. But then this morning, he ripped around like a pup and made me chase him inside for breakfast.

I waited too long to make the right decision for my first dog. I was young (late 20’s) when my first dog as an adult was being treated for Cushings. (This was 15+ yrs ago when he was starting showing signs) and I selfishly made him wait until I was ready. Never again will I do that to a dog/cat/horse I love.

Can you talk with the Vet about Adaquan for your dog? Can you get into the Vet sooner to start that process??

We are here to support you.

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It is never easy to make the decision , even when you know it is the right time.

I think as the days go by you will continue to process that the end is coming and you will be able to see when it is time.

For me I have 2 areas where I won’t compromise once they begin and the decision is made. Obviously , other signs usually accompany getting to this point but by this time it is clear to me.

  1. Declines all food offered for several days.

  2. Cannot get up any longer/ severe mobility issues.

I am so sorry . Such a hard thing for all of us to go through when the time comes.

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I really urge you to go to the vet now and get some regular pain relief. Dogs have many many options of meds they can be on long term to help with pain and arthritis. Your dog could be on Rimadyl and Robaxin daily and get great relief and buy you some more time. They’re a bit different than horses in terms of medications that are available and I urge you to see what options might help.

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I agree with this - most pets don’t show us the true extent of their pain, and he might be in more pain than you know. Putting him on a daily med might not only extend his time, but improve his quality of life to a point where this conversation can be put off by several months.

Like @aregard, I’ve waited too long, and regret it. Key things that I look for are the basic quality of life. Can they move around easily? Are they mentally ‘there’? Are they eating well, and maintaining weight? Do they still enjoy the things they’ve always enjoyed? Once I see any of these start to drop off - particularly eating - I start to seriously consider when.

You need to talk about this with your DH too, so you’re both on the same page when it comes to determining the right time. You both need to be on board with the same checklist, the same signs, so that when the time comes, one of you isn’t waffling or backing out.

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I completely agree with you, my 12 yo lovely boy is on daily medication for artritis and still loving his life. He is on Gabapentin and half dose of Meloxoral plus a dose of gastroprotector. He sometimes needs a little help with stairs (he would stop and look at me, are you ready mum? Just in case… LOL) but he still enjoys a good run in the yard. Talk to your vet

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I tell myself that if it’s not a goodbye with dignity, in a calm and loving atmosphere, then I will have waited too long. If I let this go on one more hour, one more day, is it a goodbye shaded by crisis and pain, with guilt that will haunt me?

A vet explained once, after a dog’s heart incident: “It might never happen again and she has years left. But it’s very likely that it will happen again, and with this condition it’s a painful death, and ugly. Could you come home after dinner to find that? Could you catch her in the middle of an attack and race her here, gasping and suffering?” And so it was a good death. My partner sometimes asks whether we did it too early. I say absolutely not, and he’s soothed by that.

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This is so hard. Bless you for thinking ahead. I think size of the dog does matter a bit. We had a great day of hot dogs at the park with our rescued older lab before we couldn’t get him in the car (pre at home euthanasia days). I don’t regret it. He had three great years with us and a good end. We lost our Corgi to DM last year. I knew it was getting close but one day a few months sooner than I thought he just looked at me and I knew it was time. Hard to explain but I knew and also don’t regret that decision although I still miss him every day.

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I’d add 3. Inability to control bodily functions.

My big dog could no longer control where he peed (kidney infection gone bezerk). He KNEW he was supposed to go outside but he couldn’t get outside in time. You could read on his face how upset he was, being unable to behave in a manner he knew was correct. Not all dogs are this expressive, true. But that’s why I’d add this item: they shouldn’t have to be expressive in this. If they’ve been trained well, and followed their training for years, the inability to follow what they know is right is a big red sign.

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This kills me. You are so right. When my cushings dog Kip was unable to hold his bladder due to the amount of water he was drinking in the end and his inablity to get out side quick enough or hold it while I would run to the store quickly ripped my heart out. You would see the dissapointment and embarrassment in his eyes. He was a border collie, so you know he knew all of the rules and what was right. That dog was smarter than lots of people

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I was able to use Lap of Love, an at-home euthanasia service in the US. WONDERFUL service if you have that option.

If you have questions about process/what to expect, I’m sure COTHers can share their experiences so that is less scary.

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I used Lap of Love two times also. I really cannot overemphasize how much more pleasant their service was for me than going into the vets office. It is worth every single penny to be able to be home, not driving in tears, waiting in a lobby or exam room with my best friend, leaving the office without my best friend, in tears and driving home.

My goal is to never have to put down in a vet’s office again. Obviously if it’s an emergency that couldn’t be avoided that’s one thing but if it’s a situation where I know it’ll be time, I’ll always pick that option for us to be at home.

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We just put down our “old man dog” 3 weeks ago. It was a very difficult decision because, like yours OP, it was a gradual decline and there wasn’t anything glaringly obvious. He was a 15 year old GSD. We had him on glucosamine and CBD oil as his right hip had gone. The CBD oil gave him probably another 1.5-2 years of pain free life, for which I am grateful.

Our signs were that he started having bad days where one dose of CBD oil wasn’t enough. He would be distant from us and restless at night - wanting to sleep in the basement (but he couldn’t manage the stairs). He started struggling standing sometimes and just getting up the 3 steps to come in from the backyard. We knew the winter would be miserable for him because the back stairs would cover in ice from time to time. His quality of life was still very good - he would come on walks every day and be excited about it. But we knew the day had come.

He was terrified of vet offices, so we got a mobile vet to come to the house. It was a peaceful passing under his favourite oak tree with our other two dogs on the other side of the fence. Lots of liver treats and there was not a moment of stress for him. I highly recommend it. We buried him at the back of our property where we’ll walk by every day.

It’s a hard decision OP, but you know your dog best. The saying “it’s better a day too early than a minute too late” is a true one.

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In 1 of our dogs that happened before her mobility issues and it was leaking urine while sleeping. I didn’t do anything since she always slept on her dog bed and I just washed it daily. I agree that if they are distressed about it that needs to be taken into consideration as well. Good point.

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I had an at-home euth for my other heart dog, many years ago, and was searching for that when my recent dog went south. Unfortunately, COVID made a mess of that. I had to do the vet/hospital business. Just piping in to say they are really lovely, and it’s far more calming for your dog to be handled at home than have to go to That Place (as it is typified in their minds).

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Me too, my friend. :orange_heart:

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The question of all questions. It stinks to ask and answer.

There are so many options for pain relief now. Anti inflammatories, steroids, adequan, fish oil, glucosamine… and I saw a thread about a new one recently.

Hopefully one or a combo can give him some more good time with you.

I think that all we can do is try to decide when they’re having more bad days than good and they’re not enjoying life.

I’ve waited too long for a couple of my kitties and one I feel like I may have done too soon. It’s never easy but we do the best we can.

Jingles for you and your old guy.

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