I love the way your post is written 
And yes, a previous trainer/BO has done all of these things. Good Times! sigh
A few i have to add are:
1: Trainer has not told you how the favorite would have done it differently.
2: Trainer’s puppy has not hung off the tail of a lesson horse
3: Trainer’s children are with a babysitter, who is not lessoner’s parents
4: Trainer’s horses and cows that are pastured in the field where the ring is located, have not broken into the ring.
5: Trainer has not turned your private lesson into a group lesson with their child
6: All jumps used had legal safety cups
7: Lesson pony has not tried to clothesline any children on the fence
8: Lesson pony with trainer’s child on, that your parent has been somehow tasked with leading, does not bite them.
9: Trainer actually teaches you, not just assumes you know it.
10:Trainer actually praises you
