Thanks!
That is the first really sensible email youāve shared from that barn.
Speaking from experience someone with a broken bone can sit in the bleachers or feed carrots over the stall door but should not be on the ground face to face with horses. One toss of the head and the bone is broken again and you are in for emergency surgery and a titanium plate. What were you thinking letting her out of your sight?
Most communication at a barn happens between coach and kid in terms of what to do and not do. Now you know dd doesnāt always do what sheās told. Well lots of adult riders defy doctors orders out of desire or necessity, it comes with the territory. When I was in high school boys used to take the plaster casts off their broken arms with the tools in shop class. Is why adult supervision.
I think your time at this barn has expired and move on
āā¹āā¹āā¹āā¹āā¹.
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I let her out of my site bc I have 3 kids and canāt sit at the barn when she is there to āwatchā. But I should have set the boundary and just said no sorry you canāt go
If you let an injured horse person loose in a barn they will absolutely push their limits, child or adult.
If she had her own horse you could expect her to be riding bareback in a halter at this stage because she didnāt have the finger mobility to do up girth and bridle 
and climbing the fence to mount. Behind your back of course.
Barn knows this of course because itās how all horse professionals behave and why they have chronic pain problems as they age.
And you went from freaked out they had no incident report system to pissed off they donāt want your injured child onsite. I can see this situation is done.
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Iām now wondering if the barn is starting to feel like they canāt win with the OP. I would find another place to ride.
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Did I say I was pissed off? No. I am absolutely on the same page she should not be tacking and untacking horses. I trusted my kid too much to follow that rule. And originally the trainers had said she could groom if others hooked the horse up to the lead ropes. Noone told me they changed their mind on that until today. Lack of communication or miscommunication is my biggest frustration.
I wondered if I read the tone of her email wrong.
Iām annoyed that she tells me this is an āongoing problemā but waited until the next day to email me ā¦ No other adult or trainer came to me in any form to tell me it was an issue when Iām now hearing my child was not listening to trainers tell her to stop doing something multiple times now. That gave me no chance to correct her to be sure Iām there or not allow her to go after the 1st time of not listening.
And annoyed that when I was there no trainer was around to observe and supervise 9 and 10 year olds who were some struggling to tack up. If dd helped itās probably bc she was helping carry something a little heavy for a younger child.
Yes I see now it was dumb to give her any free time at the barn bc she is showing she is not mature enough or as you point out most horse people would struggle with staying away from the horses. ā¦ But when the coach says oh yes she should come to practice to watch and learn. You try and allow that and make it work with the family Schedule with curriculum nights and other kids running here and there.
I canāt help but say that middle schoolers are not much tamer than horses and she has complained of almost getting tripped in the hallway etc. I know itās a different liability but I cant be supervising her in the halls of school and everywhereā¦ It is a hard job being a parent and knowing when to toe the line of helicopter parentā¦
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Well without being a fly on the wall I have no idea how things played out over time or on that night.
I expect DD wasnāt in real danger but was pushing the limits in some way. Coach didnāt have time to go search the property for you and your 3 little kids so sent you a clear business like email the next day. I see nothing wrong here on their part. And honestly if a kid wont listen to the coach then they wont listen to their mom either about the horses.
I expect the tacking up was as per usual all these months and the kids are expected to figure it out on their own, with a quick safety check before the lesson. Very standard.
Iām still a little surprised that you bring 3 smaller kids to the barn when DD rides or visits. Itās great there is some place you can entertain them for an hour or so. Just a heads-up this might not be possible at many barns depending on the layout.
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I was misread. I have 3 children. Age 14, 11 (dd I talk about here) and 4. They were not at the barn. I was off to curriculum night at school for one, taking the other to a class. Not able to sit at the barn or stay with dd. If any of them come with the barn, ever, they sit with me in the viewing area. No way Jose are they running around.
I was the one running around town.
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OP, I think itās time to stop posting about your experiences with this place. There is nothing useful to be gained. Weāve all agreed that this place isnāt a good fit for you.
Once you start looking at new places for your daughter to ride - if you do - I know folks will be happy to answer any questions you might have. Just start a new discussion.
Also, going back to the vaulting thingā¦ I know you said you checked the AVA web site list of vaulting centers and there werenāt any close to you. But I still strongly encourage you to go ahead and fill out the āContact Usā form that you will find under āInterested in vaulting?ā on the right side of the AVA main page. It is entirely possible that there are AVA members who run riding programs and incorporate low-level vaulting into their training programs but donāt run full-fledged vaulting centers. AVA might be able to put you in touch with someone like that who is closer to your location.
If you decide that your daughter needs to take a break from riding, you might consider putting her in tumbling/gymnastics or dancing classes or learn to ski (if you live near a ski slope). You can tell her that those activities translate very well to riding and will help her build muscles, coordination, and balance that will improve her riding when sheās able to get back into it. Those may serve as an interim measure that she will be satisfied with because they will contribute to her riding ability.
Sorry I understood you to say you were at the barn and you wondered why the coach didnāt come seek you out. You actually werenāt at the barn, it was more a drop off/pick up situation. I donāt see how coach could talk to you personally in that scenario. They are very busy and would need to halt their own lesson to talk to you when you arrived, or even go out to the parking lot. An email is appropriate and puts concerns on record.
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Thanks
Just adding, in case no one else has, that IEA has a Walk/Trot division added this year for kids who are not yet safe to canter on an unfamiliar horse in a group. I have a LOT of students on my team in this division. You qualify for flat only if you have never jumped above 2ā in competition and it is the coachās prerogative to decide if WTC or WT is more appropriate for the rider.
Thanks! People were saying that kids need to be proficient a level above what they compete in and she didnāt seem ready. But they may not have realized the new lower level.
āā¹āā¹āā¹āā¹āā¹āā¹As it is we decided today to officially pull her out of IEA for tis year. She has missed so much (2 weeks= 8 lessons) and will miss another 2 weeks (another 8 lessons) of prep. She will need a lot of riding time to catch up and be ready for competition.
That is the standard rule of showing. You show a lower level than you are schooling so your daughter, based on your videos, should be showing W/T.
And here is a horse reality. I show way lower levels than I have done in the past. 1) because thatās where my horse is at. 2) I had a bad riding accident and Iām fearful at times. So yes I am riding at a lower level that doesnāt jive with what Iām capable of. Thatās horses.
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I skipped a LOT of the posts but Iām trying to wrap my head around ā¦ if she came off with a dirty stop AT A WALK, why did they ever let her trot? Who comes off when a horse throws itās head down at a walk???
I came off my evil mare when I was a kid plenty of times. Rode bareback like a crazy kid, full tilt. Sheād stop and throw her head down and Iād go flying. That mare (eventually) taught me to really sit a horse. Loved that horse.
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Gotcha. Thanks
I just had to post to sayā¦absolutely. We ride with broken bones, dizziness, illness (once I spent an entire clinic puking off the horseās side - didnāt want to miss it), and every other time that itās completely ill-advised to be on the back of a 1200 lb prey animal. Weāre a special kind of nuts - I canāt explain it.
As far as the barn goesā¦different barns have varying levels of tolerance for rider falls. I grew up in barns that had a high tolerance, as the instructor believed that it taught you to figure it out. Very old school. Some newer barns and younger trainers are very afraid of being sued by parents used to soccer games and have adapted their programs and their schoolies appropriately. Some younger trainers are more blasĆĀ© because they grew up in the same system I did.
Whether itās right or wrong, it doesnāt sound like itās working for you and your philosophy of child-rearing. May or may not be working for your kid, since the broken bone doesnāt seem to be keeping her away from the horses Iām presuming it hasnāt scared her. But thatās your choice as to whether thatās the kind of place you want her to ride at or not.
Regarding her video, she is not yet secure in the tack. Yes, Iād have her show w/t perhaps on a very calm schoolie, but she is not ready to progress. Again, some barns are more āgung hoā on moving kids up before they are ready because kids bounce. Iām not so inclined.
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Sorry for bumping this up again, but I just saw the other video (I figured I missed some things).
Then this is last day of summer camp this year. Cantering etc. July so roughly 4-6 weeks ago.
āā¹āā¹āā¹āā¹https://youtu.be/xBhdL_EOcQ0
I didnāt catch it the first time, but if you watch to the end, this is absolutely why she came off. The horse wasnāt even really putting his head ādownā and she got pulled out of the tack. Also, she didnāt really look like she was resisting - she was passive. This is pretty normal for some kids, but it explains the fall 100%. Probably not really a pony problem, the instructor isnāt wrong about that.
BUT
There is something a trainer can do about this. I used to do this with my students prior to letting them off the longe - it was the seat test. The rider sits on the horseās back, and I take both reins and simulate the horse yanking them forward (obviously gently, and obviously not to the point that the rider falls off). We adjust the seat through heels and core until the rider no longer is pulled right from the tack. This works for adults too.
Iād say your daughter should ride somewhere where the basics are emphasized. I would also be sure that you emphasize to the trainer(s) at the new barn that you donāt want her to progress beyond her level of ability and that you are in no hurry for her to show. Sometimes barns, particularly in populated areas, get seriously pressured to let kids move up - to the point that parents will āmove onā to the barn that lets them do whatever it is that they want. Iād also make sure you follow through with that in behavior - no more talk about āwhat a talented rider she isā. In horse-land, that is a prime indicator of āparents being a painā. Sheās a green rider - make that very clear - a green rider with a passion for horses. Thatās fine.
As far as your husband and his concerns go - youāre going to have to make sure that youāre both on board. Even if you find a facility that meets these needs there WILL be falls, now and as your rider progresses. There may be injuries. They are not all caused by bad trainers overfacing riders. Riding, particularly jumping, is a risky sport - ahead of bull riding and cheerleading (which is quite dangerous). Itās a very very worthwhile risk, but it is a risk, and riding parents need to be able to understand it and accept it for what it is. Minimize the hazards - absolutely - but just know that it IS a risk.
This is why itās super important to have those basics. Really really important.
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