Unfortunately, comments like Conway’s are extremely common whenever a well-loved member of a tight-knit community is accused of sexual abuse. The quantity and cruelty of those comments tends to increase when the accused (or even the convicted) dies by suicide.
I remember having a conversation with a woman who had started a social media campaign to clear her best friend’s name after he died by suicide in jail (he was remanded without bail - so there was no decision on his case yet). He had been arrested on charges of felony rape of a then-12 year old girl.
The woman claimed that she just knew he was innocent - citing the girl’s behavioral issues at school, her friend’s interactions with her children, etc. I had irrefutable evidence (i.e. a copy of DNA test results of the survivor’s 6-month-old child) that proved that she was wrong. But when I started to tell her the publicly available information that pointed to her friend’s guilt, she barely kept it together. At one point (after I had returned from the bathroom to get her some tissues), she said something along the lines of “He has to be innocent! I’m a good mother - I would never have allowed him around my kids if I thought for a second he would touch a child. Nothing that you say can change my mind.” So I left it alone.
Grieving is painful as hell. I’ve personally known more people who have died by suicide and overdose then years I’ve lived on this earth (comes with the territory when my entire professional life has revolved around working with people with substance use disorders, prisoners, the wrongfully convicted, survivors of sex trafficking and survivors of sexual abuse). However, while it may explain toxic behavior, it never excuses it.
P.S. I would suggest that as many people as possible report Conway’s comment to SafeSport. I wasn’t sure if she was a covered individual or not but hopefully SS can offer Ridland some additional protection.
