Starting kids in a lifetime of horses.

[mvp]

When I look at my lifetime interest in horses and what built it, I find these elements:

1. From the very beginning, I liked animals. My parents aren’t as into them as I am, but watching them later, I’m sure they showed me how to pet and enjoy animals from the time I was a baby. Seriously: Before I could talk, I think there was someone showing me how to pet a cat nicely and enjoy her fur, or having me meet nice dogs. I don’t think we develop “good taste” in a social vacuum; you have to be around other people who show you how they (naturally) value animals.

2. Present horses as a “package deal” from the beginning. That means the horses are equal parts Riding Lessons, Grunt Work and Animals to be Loved. By the time the kid will ride, he/she has either been developed as an animal lover or not. That will play a huge part in determining whether or not the rest of the indoctrination program will work. And I don’t think the value of lessons stick unless they are presented as one part of horse care that also included a “soup to nuts” experience with caring for the horse you ride. Again, if the riding lesson is like an hour long roller coaster ride-- you simply get on, get off and leave-- the horse will just be an attraction. There’s no time or personal investment in riding as a kind of a relationship with an animal that extends the usual “pet” one to deeper levels.

Bottom line here for points one and two: What makes someone want to be in horses for a lifetime is the special sort of intimacy one gets from riding and training a horse. It’s not like a human relationship and it’s not like a pet relationship.

3. A certain amount of responsibility/autonomy/lack of supervision given to the kid. Again, this is an opportunity for a kid to gain an usual amount of power and responsibility. That’s like crack to a little kid. When I teach the whippersnappers, I treat them like adults to a large extent: I let them know that they get to choose how things go or that the horse is depending on them for a good experience. It’s really up to them. I tell them the same thing about their safety (and I do this well before there’s any real risk): The reality is that once they are up on the horse, there’s a limit to how much I can help them from the middle of the arena. They need to think and make good decisions in order to stay in the saddle. That’s not me being mean; that’s just physics. They get it and it’s not scary because I have already helped them understand that have the ability to dictate how things go.

The bottom line for this third ingredient is that opportunity for personal power and a taste of parity with adults. IMO, kids don’t want to be helicoptered and to have things spoon fed to them. Just watch the regular mutinies (large and small) that kids start! They always want power. Give 'em some, complete with the conjoined responsibility.

If the kid already loves animals, enjoys the “chase” of trying to always learn how to communicate better and better with them (that second bit about the intimacy of riding and training a horse), and they want power (which everyone does), you have the recipe for a lifelong horseman.

[mvp]

When I look at my lifetime interest in horses and what built it, I find these elements:

1. From the very beginning, I liked animals. My parents aren’t as into them as I am, but watching them later, I’m sure they showed me how to pet and enjoy animals from the time I was a baby. Seriously: Before I could talk, I think there was someone showing me how to pet a cat nicely and enjoy her fur, or having me meet nice dogs. I don’t think we develop “good taste” in a social vacuum; you have to be around other people who show you how they (naturally) value animals.

2. Present horses as a “package deal” from the beginning. That means the horses are equal parts Riding Lessons, Grunt Work and Animals to be Loved. By the time the kid will ride, he/she has either been developed as an animal lover or not. That will play a huge part in determining whether or not the rest of the indoctrination program will work. And I don’t think the value of lessons stick unless they are presented as one part of horse care that also included a “soup to nuts” experience with caring for the horse you ride. Again, if the riding lesson is like an hour long roller coaster ride-- you simply get on, get off and leave-- the horse will just be an attraction. There’s no time or personal investment in riding as a kind of a relationship with an animal that extends the usual “pet” one to deeper levels.

Bottom line here for points one and two: What makes someone want to be in horses for a lifetime is the special sort of intimacy one gets from riding and training a horse. It’s not like a human relationship and it’s not like a pet relationship.

3. A certain amount of responsibility/autonomy/lack of supervision given to the kid. Again, this is an opportunity for a kid to gain an usual amount of power and responsibility. That’s like crack to a little kid. When I teach the whippersnappers, I treat them like adults to a large extent: I let them know that they get to choose how things go or that the horse is depending on them for a good experience. It’s really up to them. I tell them the same thing about their safety (and I do this well before there’s any real risk): The reality is that once they are up on the horse, there’s a limit to how much I can help them from the middle of the arena. They need to think and make good decisions in order to stay in the saddle. That’s not me being mean; that’s just physics. They get it and it’s not scary because I have already helped them understand that have the ability to dictate how things go.

The bottom line for this third ingredient is that opportunity for personal power and a taste of parity with adults. IMO, kids don’t want to be helicoptered and to have things spoon fed to them. Just watch the regular mutinies (large and small) that kids start! They always want power. Give 'em some, complete with the conjoined responsibility.

If the kid wants to ride, I think there is nothing wrong with having kiddo earn that via horse-related work. Hand that child an apple picker, horse or bar of glycerine soap. Present them with a Job Opportunity and don’t blink. Let them bask in the consequences of what they choose to do: earn something they want or slack off and go without.

4. Community. Don’t make a kid choose between animal companionship and riding or human friends. Whether the other horsemen in the kid’s life are young or old, you need to have people who are unapologetic, committed horsemen (who model that for the kid) and who reflect back to the kid his full-standing membership in the same community. I think of fox hunting as a kid when, in the field on horseback, I was equal in rank and responsibility to not be a PITA as any other adult in my group. I shared that part of my life with them, and they welcomed me.

For parts 3 and 4, it’s really important to have other people show the kid that the unrelenting work of caring for horses is normal. It’s not hard, you can whine (in your head) but you do it anyway. I think that people become comfortable with whatever work ethic is shown to them and insisted upon. Require nothing and a tiny bit of work will be a PITA. Make daily work A Thing, and it will continue.

If the kid already loves animals, enjoys the “chase” of trying to always learn how to communicate better and better with them (that second bit about the intimacy of riding and training a horse), and they want power (which everyone does), plus you make “responsibility” and “hard work, even when you don’t want to,” a really normal part of daily life, you have the recipe for a lifelong horseman.

[anon40672407]

Just an update (with a satisfied grin).

Granddaughter had her 4 up-down lessons over christmas break and is now pining for more. Got misty-eyed that she might not see “her” pony for another few months (we’ve talked about summer pony camp), and went to bed with a plastic horse.

Sympathetic grandpapa (my DH) texted Daughter to say we’d probably have to subsidize lessons now. NO PROMPTING FROM ME, I wasn’t home at the time.

My work here is done.

I’m quite pleased, even if she doesn’t go forward with this, because I was getting a bit worried she was turning into an overly cautious “city child”. She’s afraid of my chickens, doesn’t like big dogs, hangs back in sports. But her intro to the pony was very good and she was quite confident and interested in all the bits and pieces of grooming, tacking, riding, untacking.

It isn’t really surprising that a San Francisco kid who’s house is at the top of two very steep flights of stairs might hear “be careful!” far too often. I’m pleased to discover her caution is situational.