stressing situation

[beau159]

@sara78

I tried to tell him yesterday asking him when i could ride him and he told me that at the moment it would be better he keeps riding him for a while…i don’t want to bother him because he’ s for sure better than i am…i think it’ s going to be hard to get an arrangement…

You are PAYING him to ride your horse. “Bother” him all you want!! (Not to mention, you are not bothering him.)

It’s not hard to make arrangements; this is your horse. Be clear with him. Ultimately, it is your horse, your money, and you call the shots.

If you’ve been riding for 25 years, and the trainer has already had him for 6 months, I’ll bet you are plenty qualified to ride him. Sure, he’s young at 3 years old and still has things to learn, but he should very much have a decent handle on him by now. No, he’s not going to be perfect especially if he is the spooky type, but I’m sure you can handle it.

Back in my college days, I started colts for people. Out of all the ones I worked with, I only had one horse who I was worried about the owner riding; simply because this horse was one of the rare ones that was mean. I normally am out of the round pen in a week or two and riding in the open on the colts, but I wasn’t daring to go out of the round pen even after 30 days with this one. Not spooky … just waited for the opportune moment to try to “get” the rider (although she never was successful with me). I had her for 60 days and warned the owner when she took her home (she did ride her at my place before going home). Sure enough, she bucked her off at home and did what I suggested and sold her. But that’s a little different.

My mom currently has a coming 7 year old and he is STILL so darn spooky. Not at anything right in front of you, but things he “sees” a ways off. Of course, he’s also cutting bred so that may have something to do with his reactive personality. My mom has been riding her entire life (she’s now 60) and she’s owned him since he was 6 months old and has done everything with him (except for 30 days to be “started” at the trainer), but she just still doesn’t trust him because of the spooking. She’s “accepted” he’s more of an arena horse and has been riding him as such.

So it’s possible your horse may just be the spooky type, but at 3, he is still very young and he may grow out of it with time. Is trainer riding him only in the arena, or out on the trails? Sometimes covering a bunch of miles out on the trail can do the trick.

[bitranchy]

OP, I’ve been in a similar position to you, as have many folks. I think you do need to communicate with your trainer, if you haven’t yet, and then deal with whatever may come of it. To keep a long story short, I went separate ways with a trainer not too, too long ago, in part over a similar issue.

Of course with the reining or reined cow horse prospects, there’s a lot of learning that needs to be done before they make their debut at a futurity. Some don’t make it to the futurities despite a consistent training program, for whatever reason. However, I do think there’s a difference between a Non Pro purchasing a colt and having it in a program with someone to get the horse going and trained, and purchasing a horse for a Pro to campaign at premier events.

There’s more involved than that, sure, since there are a variety of types of Non Pro riders. Some are better hands than others, some have more realistic goals, so on and so forth. I’d certainly say any day of the week had my horse been ridden strictly by a Pro and I sat back and watched, she’d be much further along. However, that’s not what I bought her for. And if you haven’t purchased either of your two with the idea that you’d like a Pro to be hitting all the major reining events with them, then it’s completely within your rights to communicate that to them. If this trainer has what they feel is a valid reason that you shouldn’t be riding this more sensitive colt, they should share that with you. If you disagree, that’s your prerogative. Perhaps this isn’t a partnership that’s going to last, and that’s fine. Sometimes it takes a few months to find out that a particular arrangement just isn’t the one for you.

I try and maintain a business-like perspective with any of the horse stuff. Sometimes that doesn’t always pan out, sure, but I do attempt to. As the horse’s owner, I’m the one who, for the most part, calls the shots. A trainer is comparable to a contract hire in other industries, I’ve contracted them to work for me. At any time, preferably with given notice, either one of us can choose to end that contract. Each one of us has our own basic responsibilities to fulfill, but everything beyond that is oftentimes a gray area that needs to be discussed. Communication is a key part of any relationship, really, and no one can read minds. Sharing your ideas or opinions with your trainer isn’t unlike sharing them with an employee, employer, coworker, whatever. Throwing out the idea that you’re bothering your trainer can be tough. I’m a passive person and I, at times, find it hard to speak up. It’s much better, though, than becoming more and more frustrated and bitter. You do your best to be factual and fair, but true to what you want out of this. If the trainer takes it negatively or personally, you can’t control that.

You may never find your perfect match when it comes to trainers or facilities. Sometimes it’s about deciding what’s most important and then what you can compromise on. For myself, my options are limited. The trainer I predominantly work with now is very tough on me, certainly tougher on me than most of the other riders in the program. Whether that comes from a well intentioned place or not, I don’t know. However, the good currently outweighs the bad, and therefore I continue on. If the bad began to outweigh the good, then I’d have to reevaluate.

Maybe you’ve reached the crossroads of reevaluating whether or not this trainer and their program is the fit for you. I do think you’re overdue for having either a sit down chat in person or a discussion over the phone about your goals, your desires, and what this trainer’s thinking is. If you hear something you don’t like, try your best not to get too upset or too reactive. Remember, horse riding is largely opinion based. Some opinions hold more weight than others, certainly, but it is opinion based nonetheless.

Good luck, I hope you sort things out!

[findeight]

Think the fact OP is apparently in Italy might mean there are very few alternatives trainer wise. That might complicate the choices a bit. Not always as easy as it sounds.

[sara78]

@findeight

Think the fact OP is apparently in Italy might mean there are very few alternatives trainer wise. That might complicate the choices a bit. Not always as easy as it sounds.

Yes, unfortunatly it is more difficult, i think there are less trainers or less good trainers and for sure less good horses.

[sara78]

@bitranchy

OP, I’ve been in a similar position to you, as have many folks. I think you do need to communicate with your trainer, if you haven’t yet, and then deal with whatever may come of it. To keep a long story short, I went separate ways with a trainer not too, too long ago, in part over a similar issue.

Of course with the reining or reined cow horse prospects, there’s a lot of learning that needs to be done before they make their debut at a futurity. Some don’t make it to the futurities despite a consistent training program, for whatever reason. However, I do think there’s a difference between a Non Pro purchasing a colt and having it in a program with someone to get the horse going and trained, and purchasing a horse for a Pro to campaign at premier events.

There’s more involved than that, sure, since there are a variety of types of Non Pro riders. Some are better hands than others, some have more realistic goals, so on and so forth. I’d certainly say any day of the week had my horse been ridden strictly by a Pro and I sat back and watched, she’d be much further along. However, that’s not what I bought her for. And if you haven’t purchased either of your two with the idea that you’d like a Pro to be hitting all the major reining events with them, then it’s completely within your rights to communicate that to them. If this trainer has what they feel is a valid reason that you shouldn’t be riding this more sensitive colt, they should share that with you. If you disagree, that’s your prerogative. Perhaps this isn’t a partnership that’s going to last, and that’s fine. Sometimes it takes a few months to find out that a particular arrangement just isn’t the one for you.

I try and maintain a business-like perspective with any of the horse stuff. Sometimes that doesn’t always pan out, sure, but I do attempt to. As the horse’s owner, I’m the one who, for the most part, calls the shots. A trainer is comparable to a contract hire in other industries, I’ve contracted them to work for me. At any time, preferably with given notice, either one of us can choose to end that contract. Each one of us has our own basic responsibilities to fulfill, but everything beyond that is oftentimes a gray area that needs to be discussed. Communication is a key part of any relationship, really, and no one can read minds. Sharing your ideas or opinions with your trainer isn’t unlike sharing them with an employee, employer, coworker, whatever. Throwing out the idea that you’re bothering your trainer can be tough. I’m a passive person and I, at times, find it hard to speak up. It’s much better, though, than becoming more and more frustrated and bitter. You do your best to be factual and fair, but true to what you want out of this. If the trainer takes it negatively or personally, you can’t control that.

You may never find your perfect match when it comes to trainers or facilities. Sometimes it’s about deciding what’s most important and then what you can compromise on. For myself, my options are limited. The trainer I predominantly work with now is very tough on me, certainly tougher on me than most of the other riders in the program. Whether that comes from a well intentioned place or not, I don’t know. However, the good currently outweighs the bad, and therefore I continue on. If the bad began to outweigh the good, then I’d have to reevaluate.

Maybe you’ve reached the crossroads of reevaluating whether or not this trainer and their program is the fit for you. I do think you’re overdue for having either a sit down chat in person or a discussion over the phone about your goals, your desires, and what this trainer’s thinking is. If you hear something you don’t like, try your best not to get too upset or too reactive. Remember, horse riding is largely opinion based. Some opinions hold more weight than others, certainly, but it is opinion based nonetheless.

Good luck, I hope you sort things out!

Thank you very much bitranchy, that is absolutely how i feel, the problem is how you say, when i go to the barn i have that bitter feeling because i m the type of person that keeps everyrhing inside and will not say anything I will try to figure out if i should look for a new trainer.

[findeight]

Talk to your current trainer. Please. He doesnt know what you want him to do unless you specifically communicate it to him. If he doesn’t think you should ride the colt, he should explain why your riding it will jeopardize its progress towards your goal with it. You did tell him what goals you are aiming tne colt for?

Keep in mind that when an owner wants a trainer to aim for a specific goal expecting the trainer to show the horse that trainers reputation is at stake. Can’t shrug and say " well, he’d be sharper but the owners been riding him" as he exits among his peers with a score below the cut off to continue in the competition. So be careful not to ask for him to meet conflicting goals of a competitive Futurity colt and a regular ride for an Ammy Owner. You need to communicate which way you want to go here. Both short term and after the Futurity.

That Futurity might be in Italy but, judging from videos you need a pretty fault free performance on a very young horse over there even if they aren’t quite as deep in equine talent as over here. They still got some great horses, some import US Pros to tune up and show them and it will take a good one to earn respect.

What are your goals? For the colt and for yourself!? Trainer can’t read your mind. Even if you end up moving, the next trainer won’t know your goals and what you want unless you clearly communicate them. Lose the passive aggressive approach to become a really good owner who would be welcome in any barn. Because they are clear on what they want from the trainer and speak up when unhappy instead of simmering in silence. And there’s always going to be something you don’t like with any trainer, none are perfect.

Try to work this out before jumping to another trainer that could promise more to get your business and then deliver less. Especially when it’s slim pickings for trainers.

[Bluey]

@findeight

Talk to your current trainer. Please. He doesnt know what you want him to do unless you specifically communicate it to him. If he doesn’t think you should ride the colt, he should explain why your riding it will jeopardize its progress towards your goal with it. You did tell him what goals you are aiming tne colt for?

Keep in mind that when an owner wants a trainer to aim for a specific goal expecting the trainer to show the horse that trainers reputation is at stake. Can’t shrug and say " well, he’d be sharper but the owners been riding him" as he exits among his peers with a score below the cut off to continue in the competition. So be careful not to ask for him to meet conflicting goals of a competitive Futurity colt and a regular ride for an Ammy Owner. You need to communicate which way you want to go here. Both short term and after the Futurity.

That Futurity might be in Italy but, judging from videos you need a pretty fault free performance on a very young horse over there even if they aren’t quite as deep in equine talent as over here. They still got some great horses, some import US Pros to tune up and show them and it will take a good one to earn respect.

What are your goals? For the colt and for yourself!? Trainer can’t read your mind. Even if you end up moving, the next trainer won’t know your goals and what you want unless you clearly communicate them. Lose the passive aggressive approach to become a really good owner who would be welcome in any barn. Because they are clear on what they want from the trainer and speak up when unhappy instead of simmering in silence. And there’s always going to be something you don’t like with any trainer, none are perfect.

Try to work this out before jumping to another trainer that could promise more to get your business and then deliver less. Especially when it’s slim pickings for trainers.

In the first post the OP explains why the trainer wanted her to wait to ride the one colt, was ok with her riding the other.
The OP doesn’t agree, thinks she can ride that colt.

We also don’t know if the OP’s trainer is good.
Hard to say, maybe the OP should not be riding that colt yet.
Maybe the trainer is wrong about that and she can.

We can’t say, the OP will have to decide that by herself.

[bitranchy]

I don’t think anyone was trying to imply that the OP bail out on the current trainer. An honest chat about the goals for the horses and the owner’s riding needs to be communicated to the trainer if it hasn’t happened yet. Some trainers are very factual and some are not, hard to know with this trainer. That’s something for the OP to determine when they have this chat.

I, too, am in an area with a limited selection of trainers depending on your preferred discipline. For some folks, it’s simply a matter of picking which trainer is the best fit, even if it isn’t ideal. You need to weigh out what’s most important, and what you can compromise on. Maybe the situation with the current coach will improve once everything’s been put out on the table. It may just be a matter of a lack of communication from both parties. Or, alternatively, it may end up that the OP finds someone else.

Either way, I hope it shakes out soon. It can be a frustrating place to be in, I’m sure.

[sara78]

@findeight

Talk to your current trainer. Please. He doesnt know what you want him to do unless you specifically communicate it to him. If he doesn’t think you should ride the colt, he should explain why your riding it will jeopardize its progress towards your goal with it. You did tell him what goals you are aiming tne colt for?

Keep in mind that when an owner wants a trainer to aim for a specific goal expecting the trainer to show the horse that trainers reputation is at stake. Can’t shrug and say " well, he’d be sharper but the owners been riding him" as he exits among his peers with a score below the cut off to continue in the competition. So be careful not to ask for him to meet conflicting goals of a competitive Futurity colt and a regular ride for an Ammy Owner. You need to communicate which way you want to go here. Both short term and after the Futurity.

That Futurity might be in Italy but, judging from videos you need a pretty fault free performance on a very young horse over there even if they aren’t quite as deep in equine talent as over here. They still got some great horses, some import US Pros to tune up and show them and it will take a good one to earn respect.

What are your goals? For the colt and for yourself!? Trainer can’t read your mind. Even if you end up moving, the next trainer won’t know your goals and what you want unless you clearly communicate them. Lose the passive aggressive approach to become a really good owner who would be welcome in any barn. Because they are clear on what they want from the trainer and speak up when unhappy instead of simmering in silence. And there’s always going to be something you don’t like with any trainer, none are perfect.

Try to work this out before jumping to another trainer that could promise more to get your business and then deliver less. Especially when it’s slim pickings for trainers.

Thank you, tere are several points:

1- The trainer thinks that the horse has a lot of potential(as a open horse) while I think that he’ s a nice horse but not as talented as he thinks(even if he’ s my horse and i love him a lot)
2- the horse has been started to late so, the futurities are not the goal for him because even if with a top trainer he would never make it, the horse is to green.
3- I get nervous, i know that it’ s no good but I’ ve already discussed with trainer about my expectations at least 3 times and ride the horse and after a few days, then for any reason he gets him back
4- I have a stressing job with a lot of responsability and when I go to the barn I would like to be happy but I m not
5 Unfortunatly I m nobody to say if a trainer is good or bad but at the time when I ride my horse after a couple of weeks he’ s been riding him I find him quite stiff with no improvement (but this can be only an opinion)

The trainer also agrees that he will never make it for next futurities so my stressing situation is due to the fact that I’ d like to ride my beloved non pro horse and I can’t, I have all the negative stuff(the not riding as he was a top open futurity prospect and the fact that there are no goals for this season)
That is why I m stressed…

[findeight]

OK, with that information…you still need to talk to the trainer and be really clear. Sounds like you do not want an Open horse but one developed for you to eventually show? Tell him that, see what he comes up with as a plan for both you and the colt.

Can you take a lesson or two a week? Some of these guys really don’t like to teach, that could be a problem. But if you can do it, riding under his supervision might make you both happy.

[CHT]

I wonder if you could do a lesson where the trainer rides first (while you watch) and then you ride. Might be a good way for you to see the horse in training, and see if how he feels right after a ride is how he feels when you just ride him. He might have felt stiff for you when you last rode him because you are missing something about his warm up/style. This might be what is making the trainer not want you to ride him: something about your riding doesn’t work for the horse.

Alternatively, it could be that the trainer just doesn’t quite “get” this horse, so he can’t get the horse to the point where he feels he should for you to enjoy him. He might be not letting you ride in order to protect his reputation. I think a day where he rides (you watch) and then you get on, might be a good way for you to assess what is happening.

[beau159]

@sara78

my stressing situation is due to the fact that I’ d like to ride my beloved non pro horse and I can’t

I think this is the bottom line. You are not planning on taking this colt to a futurity and you want to ride him, but trainer won’t let you.

In my opinion, it’s your horse. Tell said trainer you want to be able to ride him or your taking said horse elsewhere. With your goals, I see no reason why you can’t ride him on a regular basis under his instruction.

@sara78

4- I have a stressing job with a lot of responsability and when I go to the barn I would like to be happy but I m not
5 Unfortunatly I m nobody to say if a trainer is good or bad but at the time when I ride my horse after a couple of weeks he’ s been riding him I find him quite stiff with no improvement (but this can be only an opinion)

As already said, we can’t see your trainer in action and help you decide if he’s a good or bad trainer, but I just want to say it’s also important to listen to your gut.

There’s a trainer I used to use because I thought she did a decent job. It seemed like progress was slow and I didn’t see any drastic changes, but I did get the help with my horses that I wanted. So it’s not that she did a bad job necessarily. But now? … I know that I will NEVER send another horse to her and waste my money. I went and rode with a different trainer the next year and he accomplished more in 5 minutes than she did in 30 days. And I am not exaggerating. He’s super modest but I swear he has a gift. Even if he only hops on my horse for a few minutes when I can find time to go ride with him, even those few minutes I can feel a difference when I get back on my horse.

So I guess I’m not saying you should ditch your current trainer, but I do want you to keep an open mind and trust yourself more on how you feel when you ride your horse.