Thank you all so much for the encouragement. Unfortunately and quite sadly, I think the thing holding me back - for whatever reason - is what everyone else in this oh-so-critical sport would “think”!
Bottom line is, I just am not having any fun jumping anymore. I have NO fear just riding on the flat, but for some reason when the jumps go up in a lesson I panic - even with my horse who is a total rockstar and knows her job SO well. My horse feels it and it makes her nervous, I ride terribly due to my fear, I just plain hate it, and I quite frankly am relieved when it’s over. It’s a terrible cycle. I’ve always been a nervous rider when it comes to jumping, but it has gotten to the point where its debilitating - I’m talking even over cross rails and 2’, which is stupid. I really truly just think its the fear of falling and getting hurt, which for some reason I have it in my head that is more likely to happen while jumping, even though it probably isn’t at my level.
Also, similarly to the posts you see on the H/J forums from people lamenting that they feel “bad” that they aren’t riding their horse up to its full potential - i.e. jumping 4’ or showing “enough” on the A-circuit - as if the horse even knows or cares for that matter! I think crazily, somehow these thoughts have been creeping into my head as well, as if taking my champion hunter over to dressage is somehow doing her a disservice since she is so fabulous in that discipline.
Based on all of your comments though, I do believe now that we can do it! As I mentioned, my horse is an absolutely fabulous mover and has incredible rideability…that combined with my hyper-perfectionist, type-A to the nth degree personality should hopefully bode well for us to give dressage a try. It seems like it would allow me the opportunity to ENJOY riding again without the fear-based pressure that I feel with jumping.