I listed my horse for sale just over three weeks ago and already have interacted with a few mildly insane prospective buyers, and I thought it might be funny in a can’t-look-away-from-the-slow-train-wreck kind of way to hear stories about the craziest buyer who have come to try out your horses.
Annnnnd go!
What made the prospective buyers seem crazy to you? All of us horse people are a bit crazy!
This is an old story that I have told on COTH before, but it holds its own in the tire-kicking genre:
Many moons ago, I had a cute little appendix QH who was for sale, kind of straddling the western and english market (he’s an adorable jumper who can also do western stuff).
One day, people came to try him and kicked the tires so hard I’m sure their collective foot is now broken.
First, I got up earlier than I would have liked to on a weekend to go ride the horse to make sure he was quiet and all of his ducks were in a row. I rode him, had him doing the western jog with his nose politely down, did some loping, and when I was satisfied that he was going to behave like the horsey we all know and love, I put him back in the field and waited for the people to arrive.
I should mention that his ‘barn’ was more of a shed row so everything happens outside, unless you are hanging out in a stall or the tack shed. There was a little row of five stalls, a separate shed for the tack room, then an outdoor arena and the paddocks. But no doors, walls, roof or aisles otherwise. This was also during a several week stretch of nineteen degree weather plus windchill that rolled through the area just to make life lovely for horse people.
So anyway, it is a horrifically cold day on the NJ tundra. The western trainer and I are sitting on the bench in front of a shed in a giant field wrapped in coolers, waiting.
The people finally pull in, LATE, in the most rickety-*ss car you ever saw. How it made it all the way down the driveway I can only imagine, but I surely do not have visions of it passing inspection. Now, if THIS is what you are tooling around in, I begin to lose faith that you are in the horse’s price range. I mean, there are not one, but TWO digits separating the value of your car from the asking price for the horse. Not to be car-ist or anything, but seriously.
So then the teen-age (MAYBE low 20’s) occupants of the car issue forth. They appear to have forgotten to finish getting dressed today, because they still seem to be wearing the sloppy, grimy sweatshirt hoodies from yesterday’s evening of whatever the hell they do for fun, with grungy jeans accessorized with emo belts (belts can definitely be emo) and purple half-chaps that are too small and, thusly, only half done up, and the grungy, unwashed-looking hair is flying all over the place and and and and and.
I mean, not to be a hunter princess about this but ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
!!
I am standing there in my jeans, paddock boots, chaps, fleeces and vest and I look like I could attend the Oscars by comparison.
So.
We inquire if they would like to ride the horse English or Western and they assure us that they would like to see it go English. I go to the field, and bring the horse back to the little outdoor tack up area.
One of the girls rolls up to me and the horse, and goes,
“So, how much is he?”
My face is like, “WHAT YOU DIDN’T CLARIFY THIS FOR YOURSELF BEFORE YOU SHOWED UP?”
The western trainer’s face is going, “WTF I TOTALLY TOLD HER.”
So then I (re-)tell her the price of the horse, which, unsurprisingly matches the price in the ad and she kind of goes, “…Oh.” I suppress the desire to tell her to go back to her hoopty-*ss car and muffler-clank off into the sunset.
Then she goes,
“So what kind of horse is he?”
“UM. HE’S AN APPENDIX QUARTER HORSE. YOU KNOW. AS ADVERTISED.” (I just said “Appendix Quarterhorse” in real life. See? I do have restraint and sometimes I even exercise it.)
Then she goes,
“So how old is he?”
“HE’S STILL NINE. LIKE HE WAS A MONTH AGO WHEN I PUT THE AD UP. HE HAS NOT MAGICALLY TURNED 14 OR GONE BACK IN TIME AND BECOME 7 SINCE I PUT THE AD ON THE INTERNET.” I rolled all of that sentiment into saying, “Uh, he’s nine.”
It is good that she shut up at this point because my restraint was getting seriously fatigued and had commenced gasping for air.
Anyway, I then proceed to re-groom the horse, tack him up, and hop on, during which time the two of them throw nary a glance in our direction and continue to chat with the western trainer about all the warmbloods their friends’ parents buy their friends. I suppress the desire to be like, “WHY DON’T YOU SEND THEM OVER.”
I finally interrupt the little kaffee-klatsch to be like, “OK, do you want to see him go now?”
“Oh yeah! Yeah! Sure!”
So, around we ride and horse, of course, is note perfect. He politely trots along, he politely canters around, around we go, doop de doo, they are maybe watching this with half an eyeball. Western trainer is doing her part and asking if they, you know, watched the video? and mentioning that the horse goes to shows and jumps right around and trail rides from here to the end of creation and back, etc.
So then it is time for the interested party to test ride the horse, so she dons her purple-spandex covered troxel helmet and climbs tentatively aboard. Instantly I see the tense, perched equitation and realize that she rides like sh!t on a pile. Grrreat. Good thing horse is beginner proof, y/y?
So she walks around for a length of time that suggests she is waiting for Christ to return and give His assessment on the horse, and finally musters up the cajones to trot, at which point horse politely dinks around at the trot, and then she manages to go the other way for a while, so horse politely dinks around the other way, and then she walks around for another interminable eon mustering the courage for the canter. Horse for his part sticks his hair up as far as he can get it and has his tail clamped as tight into his butt as he can get it but plods dutifully along. I want to be like, “IF YOU ARE GOING TO WALK FOREVER PUT THE COOLER BACK ON IT. IT’S TOO EFFING COLD FOR THIS LEISURLY STROLLING. EITHER THAT OR TAKE YOUR G*DDAMN FUGLY-*SS HOODIE COLLECTION OFF AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE STROLLING AROUND ON THE TUNDRA IN THE WIND.”
Finally, she canters. Horse, who should be leaping out of his skin in a desperate attempt to warm up, politely dinks around at the canter despite the fact that she is clamped on like a terrified tweezer and he should be running away with her into the woods. She isn’t brave enough to canter more than a lap and a half, so she pulls up, trots across the ring, and then canters right.
At this point, Horse stumbles a little and his head comes up, causing her to rip at his face and slam her legs together for dear life, at which point his head comes up more and he starts to canter like a sewing machine, at which point she commences hollering WHOA WHOA WHOOAAA WHOOOOAAA! and at which point my jaw audibly descends onto the tundra at my feet. Horse politely pulls up and she clings there at the walk for a while.
Again. No cooler. Walking around and around and afuckinground with no cooler.
HI. HAVE YOU NEVER DEALT WITH A COOLER BEFORE? THEY ARE THERE TO KEEP THE HORSE WARM WHEN IT’S COLD, BUT THEY DON’T WORK VERY WELL WHEN THEY ARE DRAPED OVER THE BENCH INSTEAD OF THE HORSE.
So eventually she pulls up to our little group, two out of three of which have assumed a posture of Total Dismay, and intones:
“Hmm. I really like him, but I was really looking for more of a dead broke, super quiet trail horse. Also, I was kind of hoping for something more like a draft cross.”
WELL WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST ARE YOU LOOKING AT A FIVE-FIGURE HUNTER/JUMPER/EVENTER APPENDIX QUARTER HORSE THAT IS READY TO WALK IN THE RING FOR THEN??!
At this point I just could not take it anymore, so my response was, “Oh, well, you can get that for $250 at New Holland.”
Then she says, “Oh, but he’s a really nice horse. I mean, he’s really nice and supple-like.”
(Yes. ‘Supple-like’.)
My restraint was by now passed out in the corner being fanned by its friends Professionalism and Discretion, so all of them were otherwise occupied and I responded,
“Yeah, well, he’s trained.”
At this point I resolved to speak not one more word, so I just grabbed on to one of the reins and waited for her to dismount. Since I refused to speak, I just held the reins with my left hand, facing tailward, and staring off generally upwards and to my right. She eventually climbed off and began putzing around loosening the girth and dithering around in an apparent connundrum on whether to loosen it to the second hole or all the way the first. I was just like, what the eff are you doing we are ten feet away from his stall which is in the shed row that directly abuts the ring, you do not need to loosen the girth we are untacking the whole horse right now, this IS the untacking area in case you haven’t noticed or is there a groom in a washrack somewhere I am not seeing that you are planning on handing this horse off to? I had to break my vow of silence to shoo her away and be like, “Yeah. Thanks. Got it from here.”
At which point I took the tack off, put his blankets back on, took him back out into the field and said NOT ANOTHER WORD to them and let the western trainer handle the departure pleasantries.
I came back from the field, walked silently past them to get my tack, put it in the car, backed around their hoopty-mobile, and drove off.
@meup: I’m surprised you lasted that long. Lol
I had a lady come out to see a gelding I had for sale. As we are walking out to the paddock that he was staying in, she noticed the donkey that is his companion. I walked in and put the halter on my horse and turn around and the woman was cuddling with the donkey. Ok… He is adorable and sweet… And has never said no to any attention especially if there is a brief chance at a treat.
She starts to rub and massage the donkey. I mention that I have caught the horse and we can go tack him up and ride him…she says “oh, no. The donkey NEEDS a massage.” I said, “nope, pretty sure he is good. His only job is to eat, and keep the horses entertained… And he has never actually strained a muscle in his life…” AND CAN WE MOVE ON NOW!!!..
But no, she started massaging harder… Getting really into in… And honestly was making me significantly uncomfortable with how INTO it she was getting. It felt like a soft core flick in fact…
I tried to politely ask again if she was ready to look at my horse. She said “no, I don’t want to buy him, but I will buy the donkey. He was my husband in a past life.” She said it so quietly and matter of fact I didn’t even know how to respond back.
I explained that my donkey was not for sale, and I was ready for her to leave if she wasn’t interested in the horse. I nearly had to drag her out of the paddock, and she nearly fought with me over the fact that “everything is for sale!”.
I told her it was time for her to leave. She slammed her truck door and sped out of my driveway.
A few days later, my father-in-law called me and said their was a person in the paddock massaging the donkey and he wanted to know if they were allowed to be there. I was at work, and so I called the police. The police officer met her there just as I was pulling into home. He warned her she was trespassing and was not welcome to come back onto the property without permission. She tried to pull the past-life stick on him, to which he said that didn’t matter and that if it happened again I would be getting a restraining order.
Luckily I never saw her back. My donkey went to live with a friend for awhile and my horses didn’t stay in the front paddocks for a while. I put up security cameras, and new locks. I never did sell that horse- which is fine.
Rememberthenight,
Oh. My. God. :eek: jaw drops
Nothing to compare to those last 2 Tales From The Crypt, but:
1 - A friend had a nice little horse for sale & buyer brought her “trainer” for a test ride.
Quotes are because “trainer” was so loose in the tack it scared us just watching her walk.
After tottering around at the trot - TG she did not ask for canter - this “pro” dismounted and told her client horse had too much motion <yep, that’s the word she used.
Friend & I were both very glad to wave B’bye to this duo.
2 - Another friend had a young mare for sale. Buyer arrived, again with trainer in tow. We never got to see either ride as trainer proceeded to show client how much horses love having you blow in their noses. Um, maybe.
This mare? Not so much…ears went back flat & nose wrinkled to bite trainer’s face off.
“Pro” then decreed mare was not The One & they took off to annoy some other horse.
Years ago, I had a Morgan/QH who was a good little beginner horse–the less you knew, the better he was. Was for sale out of a friend’s h/j barn–for cheap.
Had an interested buyer, she scheduled a PPE.
Unfortunately, barn’s shoer (not mine) who didn’t know horse, did his feet the day before, cut him kinda short, and he came out of the stall pretty ouchy in front on pavement.
Prospective buyer called me to inform me “Dr. C. says he’s navicular.”
I went over to see horse and he was sore. One look at his feet told me what was wrong. I chalked it up to bad luck, and made arrangements to bring horse home to rest and grow some foot.
Ran into Dr. C. a day or so later, and she jokingly apologized for “flunking” my horse. I told her she was right to do it, but I didn’t think it was navicular. She looked surprised–apparently, all she told buyer was that horse was footsore, and she couldn’t be more specific without further diagnostics, which buyer declined.
Prospective buyer called me a couple days later, and wanted to know what had happened to horse–she’d stopped by barn and he was gone. I told her horse was footsore, not navicular, and he was home on rest, and would be for sale again once he came sound.
She proposed that I trailer him to her place, and I could arrange to meet prospective buyers there.
I told her politely that I’d be happy to ship him to her farm, provided she paid me the sale price.
A few weeks passed, and horse was right as rain. I listed him for sale in a local publication (pre-internet days), and got 2 competing interested parties. The first one liked the horse, but wanted to check a couple other leads first. The second called, and I told them there was one potential buyer interested. Second buyer showed up to try horse, and brought half the asking price in cash to leave as a deposit. I strongly urged them to have a PPE done; they declined, and I collected the balance of the payment the following Saturday when I delivered the horse to them.
A day later, the other interested party called, and said they’d like to try the horse on a trail ride. I told them they were too late, and they were mildly annoyed that I hadn’t held the horse for them sans a deposit.
A week later, the first person called, and wanted to know if the horse was still available…
OMG! That takes the cake.
I had a doozy a few years ago. I really think that Fjords attract timid nutcases who think a small draft is going to be brain dead.
Anyhow this lady calls me and goes on and on about wanting horse that she can lead around and perhaps ride at the walk. She has a long story about being an advanced rider but now due to ailments must do less. One of her ailments is photosensivity.
I had alarm bells ringing in my head, but it was slow so I agreed she could come see my selection. When she arrives, she is wearing this giant hat with a veil and elbow length gloves. I appreciate this is her sun allergy, but she like a walking pup tent. She then announces that she can only buy a horse that is at least 15 hands as she is so tall. I’m 5’6" and I was taller than she was. I point out that the breed standard is 13.2 -14.2 and I breed to that standard. I also have no problem riding a 13.3 hand Fjord and my 14.1 hand stallion is shown by a professional who is 5’9". I have no 15 hand Fjords. She is affronted and insists that I am mistaken. I show her a couple of my sale geldings, one of whom is 14.3 hand. It’s not like I don’t have a measuring stick handy to check height. No, she knows height without measuring.
She determine one gelding is 15 hands (he is 14.2 but what do I know) and insists on having him demo ridden. I explain to her that this gelding is young and green; he does not have all the training that she insists she must have. He is not on my sales list. She assures me that in her expert opinion, he is suitable.
So we go to the ring. She tells me that she will not ride but observe. I am not sure how she could have ridden in her outfit anyway. She stands about 150 feet away under a tree. I am not sure what she can see but oh well. He does his W/T/C; no problem. She then insists he needs to jump. He has done little jumping because he is green. Also she wanted horse to lead around and ride at a walk. The horse canters a small vertical, counter canters out of it and throws in a buck to get this hind end straight. It was like someone had lit a fire in her pup tent. She took off to her car, got in and left without another word said.
The demo rider and I burst into gales of laughter. I hugged the horse. I swear that he winked at me!
I used to do beginner lessons and when I stopped, I sold my lesson horses. I had an older Arab mare for sale who was Dead broke (capital D), and I had her advertised as suitable for beginners. I gave lessons to 5 year olds on the horse. Anyway, I get contacted by folks a couple of hours away, looking for a horse for an adult amateur who is timid but has been riding for a year or two, to do trails on and very low level endurance type stuff. Perfect. They come, trailer in tow, to see the mare. I ride her WTC and she’s perfect as always, even with traffic buzzing by. I do some flailing about and fake falling off to show how she’ll shift herself under a rider or stop. Woman gets on and takes two trot strides, bouncing here and there with her hands in her face pulling the mare up to “Whoa! Whoa!”. Mare gently stops and I get reeeeamed for advertising a horse with this much movement as suitable for a beginner. Ooooo kay. “We drove all this way! No WAY can you say this is a beginners horse.”
Sold her a couple of weeks later to someone else as a horse for her three small kids to kick around on in the pasture and all ended happily ever after.
I am selling a nice low level dressage horse for a client. Get a call from a lady after her current trainer saw ad. Daughter is disabled and will be riding. Come and try said horse. He is a ‘SAINT’. Agree on a price. Schedule a pre-purchase. Pre-purchase is good. Do you want to settle now and take horsey home? No, they need to bring a trainer they found (changing trainer’s due to a move) out to check on him first.
Now, at this point I’m a little confused. You’ve done the pre-purchase you have had several chances to ride horsey. No problem; they come out the following weekend. Trainer is obviously western this is not a western horse. Sure you could put a western saddle on him and trail ride but his way of going is not western pleasure. They are unsure how to tack, mount etc… I watch the saintly horsey going around with reins 3 feet long pulled back to said trainer’s shoulders and ask the buyer if the ‘trainer’ knows how to post. She says she thinks so.
Ride ends daughter wants to ride and she gets on. At this point I’m wishing the horse belonged to me as I would have ended the whole test ride long ago. I could go on but; needless to say they did not buy the horse after the weeks of hemming and hawing and for that I’m very glad.
We had sold all our running and breeding stock, had this one very nicely bred coming two filly left for sale.
Two fellows had heard from their trainer about her and called and seemed interested in her.
They came one afternoon and we were all in the filly’s pen, talking and they were looking her over.
She was very friendly and reached over to smell one’s arm and he hauled off and hit her in the head, hard!
The filly backed off a bit, not really impressed, but also not worried, just wondering what that was all about, is who she was.
We asked him why he hit her and he said “she bit me!”, which all of us knew she had not even touched him.
We politely asked them to go.
He called again a few days later and apologized and still wanted to buy her, but we said she was not for sale, we were going to run her ourselves after all.
He whined that we didn’t want to sell her to him because he hit her and we kept repeating we just decided to keep her.
There is no way we were going to sell him that filly.
We put her with a friend trainer, that started her and sold her to one of his clients.
[QUOTE=Bogie;7664020]
OMG! That takes the cake.[/QUOTE]
Yea. She was a super-special snowflake. I was really paranoid for quite some time. I felt bad once, a client asked me about my donkey a few months after the incident and I barked at her because I hadn’t ever remembered talking to her about my donkey… She then pointed out that I had his picture on my desktop and she had seen it when she had walked into the room. I had to apologize and explain I was a bit gunshy after an experience with my donkey and I was wondering if crazy lady had spies checking in on my donkey…and I have had to remember that many people are honestly curious about owning a very cute donkey:)
As George Takei would put it. Oh Myy…
[QUOTE=rememberthenight;7663981]
I had a lady come out to see a gelding I had for sale. As we are walking out to the paddock that he was staying in, she noticed the donkey that is his companion. I walked in and put the halter on my horse and turn around and the woman was cuddling with the donkey. Ok… He is adorable and sweet… And has never said no to any attention especially if there is a brief chance at a treat.
She starts to rub and massage the donkey. I mention that I have caught the horse and we can go tack him up and ride him…she says “oh, no. The donkey NEEDS a massage.” I said, “nope, pretty sure he is good. His only job is to eat, and keep the horses entertained… And he has never actually strained a muscle in his life…” AND CAN WE MOVE ON NOW!!!..
But no, she started massaging harder… Getting really into in… And honestly was making me significantly uncomfortable with how INTO it she was getting. It felt like a soft core flick in fact…
I tried to politely ask again if she was ready to look at my horse. She said “no, I don’t want to buy him, but I will buy the donkey. He was my husband in a past life.” She said it so quietly and matter of fact I didn’t even know how to respond back.
I explained that my donkey was not for sale, and I was ready for her to leave if she wasn’t interested in the horse. I nearly had to drag her out of the paddock, and she nearly fought with me over the fact that “everything is for sale!”.
I told her it was time for her to leave. She slammed her truck door and sped out of my driveway.
A few days later, my father-in-law called me and said their was a person in the paddock massaging the donkey and he wanted to know if they were allowed to be there. I was at work, and so I called the police. The police officer met her there just as I was pulling into home. He warned her she was trespassing and was not welcome to come back onto the property without permission. She tried to pull the past-life stick on him, to which he said that didn’t matter and that if it happened again I would be getting a restraining order.
Luckily I never saw her back. My donkey went to live with a friend for awhile and my horses didn’t stay in the front paddocks for a while. I put up security cameras, and new locks. I never did sell that horse- which is fine.[/QUOTE]
Well, I can’t compare to the donkey story but…
I had a teen and her coach come out to try a horse. The horse was an OTTB, a bit fresh but overall I solid citizen. I show them the horse, they like him - that coach loves him. Teen rides horse and does an okay job. Nothing spectacular, but certainly nothing that they couldn’t work through.
They end up wanting to buy him! Wonderful! Price is 1200 - a steal of a deal for the horse. They ask about payment plans… “Uh, what did you have in mind?” It’s only 1200, but if they wanted to do two payments of 600, I could understand that…
“Oh well, we’d like to do $100 a month”
:eek:
We declined, I have no idea if they ever found a horse.
I advertised an Arabian X QH cross, registered as a Half-Arabian. The ad said:
Half-Arabian Weanling, bay, will need to be gelded, nice, $400. (This was a long time ago.)
Caller: “Hello? That horse you got for sale? How old’s it? What color’s it? And I don’t want’a geld him, a man wants his personal riding horse to be a breedin’ stud. And he gaits, don’t he?”
Me: * Ahem * “You know, I’ve decided to keep him.”
Caller: " Well Sheeiit, Lady." Click
I’m sure he ended up with a Craiglist special.
Welllll…it was actually for a goat but…
I had a really nice young Nigerian Dwarf dairy goat female for sale. She was a little shy, but knew the milking routine down pat and was super easy to milk. She was just a little oversized - these are very small goats. Other than being a bit large for standard, this was an almost show quality doe. I listed her at a modest price after I decided to keep her (much more friendly) daughter.
A couple from the next state over contacted me, really wanted her, put down a third of her asking price as deposit, and drove all the way out to get her. I caught her, put her on the stand, and milked her out to show them how well she does, how much she produces, and how good her udder was.
And they decided they didn’t want her. Because she was “too small.”
I remember just standing there rather flummoxed - too small? It’s a Nigerian Dwarf. And she’s a large Nigerian Dwarf. I stated her height and weight on the ad, as well as the note that Nigerian Dwarves are a miniature dairy breed.
It was just so silly. It’s like going to see a pony and complaining it’s not draft horse sized.
I refunded their deposit despite my non-refundable deposit terms and sent them home.
There’s been more (I don’t just sell my own goats, but other folk’s goats as well. I’m a goat broker practically) but that one came to mind first.
We had a family come look at my very kid safe little Quarter horse mare. The daughter was small and very frail, it appeared to be a special wish deal. I did not think it was right to inquire about her health without them mentioning it. The horse in fact would have been perfect for her - it was the rest of the story that unfolded. No one knew how to move around a horse, what to even do with one. Then the mother announces that they have found a small acreage that has a pasture/barn so they can keep the horse at home and hey they can even have some boarders!
oh hell no. I’m imagining all degrees of know-it-all horse owners and horse behaviors that these folks would be in way over their heads and the child’s safety, all safety would be an issue.
I very firmly said no on my horse and that I advised a place local to them where they could go lease a horse to try out horse ownership first.
I have no story to add to this thread, and THIS IS WHY … 
:lol:
[QUOTE=meupatdoes;7663801]
…
The people finally pull in, LATE, in the most rickety-*ss car you ever saw. How it made it all the way down the driveway I can only imagine, but I surely do not have visions of it passing inspection. Now, if THIS is what you are tooling around in, I begin to lose faith that you are in the horse’s price range. I mean, there are not one, but TWO digits separating the value of your car from the asking price for the horse. Not to be car-ist or anything, but seriously.
…[/QUOTE]
Long ago I used to help my good friend pro-horse-trainer with the horses his clients barely rode, including when he had buyers coming to look. (In exchange I got to ride. :)) I would see a car pounding down the dirt drive to see a horse I was fond of while thinking “no no no not THOSE people”. Pro friend told me one could not have that attitude and be a pro. :eek:
So over the years I sold 5 horses, but always to people I knew well, and sometimes discounted to make sure horsie went to the adoring home I wanted him to have. I could not take in real life these stories I will be enjoying in this thread …
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