Regarding any personal items, “I’m taking all my stuff home to do a thorough cleaning”.
And in this situation, since the lease has ended, you can do a gradual fade as well. “Sorry, had something come up, lesson time doesn’t work this week, will be in touch…” and then <chirp, chirp> crickets.
that would be smart, however she follows my family and i on some social media, so she would eventually see that i’m gone- and that would make it so much worse at shows:nonchalance:
Edit your settings so she does not see what you post. Pretty simple.
I realize in this case this assumption was correct but just a FYI, Pony Club now allows adult members.
Since your lease has ended, I think you have a pretty good excuse. Get your stuff out of the barn, then send an email. It’s better to straightforwardly end the relationship than to ghost someone. Just say something like, “Now that lease on Dobbin has ended, I am going to be exploring other opportunities. Thank you so much for all of your help. I have learned so much riding with you.”
Note, you don’t have to say what you have learned - learning that her barn is full of drama that you want to avoid is still learning! I do agree that you should change your social media settings so that she doesn’t see your posts if you are worried about drama there.
At least on FB you can unfriend or block someone and they aren’t notified and don’t even suspect anything until they realize they haven’t seen a post from you in 3 months. If you block someone they can’t see your presence on FB at all, nothing you comment on other posts nothing of yours that’s shared. They can’t even see that you have a fb page.
Also of course you cannot see what they post. In this situation that is healthy. It lets you make a clean break. If there is anyone else at the barn you figure as a real stooge to trainer and drama enabler, block them too.
I don’t know about the other social media platforms.
I would suggest getting your family members ahead of time to agree to block trainer if there is any chance they will be posting about you.
Take your gear home. Have everyone in your family block the trainer and any of trainer’s stooges. Then the person who writes the cheques to the barn should call and say you are moving on. Don’t go back to the barn.
And when your frenemies from the barn try to get you embroiled in omg she’s so mad at you, say: I’ve left that behind.
That part will take real self control. It’s very hard not to be curious and sometimes we are almost gratified by how much fuss was caused by us leaving. But really really avoid getting updates.
After 3 months with no updates you won’t care. But if you keep getting updates then it keeps it all fresh in your life.
Just let go and walk away.
The person who pays the bills should contact the trainer, unless the trainer didn’t expect the OP to continue or renew a lease on current or another horse. Then it’s a clean break. Get your stuff out of there. Send her a email letting her know you’re not going to be riding there any longer. Period. you could thank her for helping wth the lease on the horse but remember the old adage “the less said the better” If trainer goes bonkers and sends any unkind or wacked out communication to you, forward to your parents and let them deal with it. Absolutely agree - unfollow /block or what ever on social media.
One other thing - don’t get sucked in and engage in any unpleasant discussion with or about the trainer. If they call or text you, see you at a show and they are unpleasant just ignore, ignore, ignore. Resist any temptation to talk about any thing other than Hello’s and how are yous, that was a nice ride, nice horse etc. Avoid/ignore any ugliness, which can be hard but do it.
When I was a minor (about 17), I had to leave my trainer whom I had been with for years and years. It was not a good situation and it would have NOT gone well to have a face-to-face conversation about leaving. I planned my departure for a weekend when I was going to a show and she was going to be at a different event with most of the other students/boarders. I packed everything in the trailer and left a nice letter for her thanking for the last years (not everything was terrible but it was a very bad situation) but that it was time to move on. On my way back from the show we took my horse to a different barn. The end.
Best of luck with your new chapter!
as everyone has mentioned
I would also advise that in future remember that you are not friends and family with your barn trainer and owner. You hire them, they are not BFFs. keep social media at a distance. Go thru now blocking / put on ignore.
Personally I would say good-bye in person with parent present . You need some parental support / witness and possible future defense. Be sure to explain what is going on to your parents, perhaps sharing the thread here.
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