Or get a midnite phone call that your horse was caught on the highway with half a dozen others when hubby got drunk and opened the gates out of spite. Or took the old fashioned, traditional way and dropped a match.
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Outstanding advice in this thread. Sadly informed by people’s own experience.
I understand that the intention to ‘get out now’ can be easier said than done, so of course it would be very helpful to know how much time you actually have. Should you jump on the pasture spot that is available now, or can you wait a month, or three … etc.?
Listening between the lines …
When asking questions, of the trainer or anyone else, listen not just to what they say, but also listen carefully to what they don’t say. Especially if they don’t say yes, things will carry on. So no, probably they won’t.
‘I don’t know’ answers are not ‘yes’ answers. 'I’m not sure but … ’ also does not communicate reliable information. Such as how much time, or who would be involved if the business does continue. For your own purposes, take those answers as ‘no’.
‘Probably’ is in the same category as ‘I don’t know.’ Because that’s what it means. Don’t confuse ‘probably’ with ‘yes’, because that’s not what it means.
If you don’t hear a clear, firm, well-articulate ‘yes’, backed up by very specific details – you didn’t hear a ‘yes’. Take that as your guide to protect yourself and your horse.
And as was said above, if the court starts making the decisions because the couple cannot, things can get out of control for you, fast. You only have one oxygen mask – for yourself. 
As the others have said, this is not about loyalty, in any way.
Nothing you do, or don’t do, can fix their problems. Or fix just the trainer’s problems. Staying won’t solve anything for them, and it may cause problems for you and your horse.
Your trainer is not in a position right now to be loyal to anyone. Doesn’t sound like she even knows how to take care of herself. So she can’t ‘take care of’ her boarders and clients, whatever that would entail.
Also, you have one trainer, but she has multiple boarders and students. Sometimes we can feel more weight in our importance to a trainer than we really have.
Suggest start taking things home every time you go out. Actually if you can get most or all of it out in short order, that is probably a good idea. Your tack could live in your car for a while so that you have it while still going to this barn to ride.
If it comes to an awkward short-notice leaving conversation with the trainer, perhaps you can say something like “I know this is a hard time for you. I feel like I have to make this move in my own best interests. But if at the end of this you are still here and running the business, I will certainly consider coming back, if you still want me to. I hope that you do!” Don’t make a promise, though! Just soften the leaving moments.
Good luck! Now we are all very curious to know how this turns out for you, so I hope that you feel that you can update us later. Or at least that you and your horse have transitioned and are ok. COTH is always emotionally involved.
It doesn’t mean the place will be sold. My BO went through a divorce and he kept the business and things went on as usual. It was a bit difficult before the wife left though, very tense and uncomfortable for us boarders.
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A lot will depend on how ownership of the land is structured and how many assets each person has and whether they want to be vindictive. And what kind of court ruling is made on how those assets should be divided. Laws about that can differ a bit between jurisdictions.
If the couple have assets beyond the land, one person could keep the cash and one could keep the house. Where I live land prices are so high that’s rare except maybe for the super wealthy.
OP can’t possibly know any of this about this particular trainer, given that the trainer herself seems clueless. I would plan for the worst.
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same thing here, the land has become so valuable that neither party could purchase it Then afford a mortgage (rates are nearing 10%)
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I’ve reached out to other barns for price lists and waiting lists. Thank you everyone for your advice.
I talked to trainer yesterday AFTER my lesson. Claimed spouse hasn’t actually filed, it won’t go through, it’s going to be saved, property is hers regardless per the documents, nothing would happen to my horse, etc. This was all contradictory to what she said DURING the lesson as part of her over sharing.
I told her I would be putting in my notice immediately if he files. I didn’t explicit say I was going to start looking now. Word hasn’t reached her yet at least that I know of.
At the end of the day she is a great trainer but I don’t want to hear about the couples problems during my lesson and I need to go ride with the people who have clients at or above my goal show level. I have one place I really want to go eventually because that trainer is the best in the area for my goals so why am I waiting?
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Your trainer is deep in denial and is going to be deep in trouble eventually. Bail.
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Here’s an example of how unexpected things may happen when a barn-owning couple split. The boarding barn acreage was in the center of a fox hunt’s territory so was quite often ridden through during hunts. The new girlfriend moved in and banned any members she perceived as being “on the former wife’s side” from riding across. Some members were allowed to ride through, others had to leave the field and ride around to join up on the other side.
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Once your trainer starts venting their personal life on you its time to bail. Sorry. Its a giant pain…
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One reason someone would wait in a situation like this is very simple. It is hard to make such a change. Especially when it is not something that we had planned for.
I think the word is procrastination. Or maybe just curiosity to hear the next chapter every time you have a lesson.
We all procrastinate some hard decisions. But sometimes the least painful way forward is to get the move over with and in the rearview mirror. Until then it hangs over our life. Having it done and being free to move on can outweigh the pain and aggravation of change. But it’s an individual decision as to when it’s time.
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Especially when it is not something that we had planned for.
a person could have contingency plans on the shelve ready for most anything rather than scrabble for the next best thing when placed in dire need
We never know what may or may not happen
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