Who cares if she placed? She’s now afraid to ride.
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I just saw my brain I rolled my eyes so hard. You missed the point entirely.
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I see that at times, client goes on it’s own to buy a horse, then expects the trainer to make it work, even if it never gave the trainer a chance to check things over.
Most clients try to at least ask the trainer and then listen.
Those that don’t, trainers eventually get tired of picking up the pieces, trying to retrain/resell unsuitable horses and the clients repeating the same all over again.
These clients may just be some of those.
Not sure you can fix that kind of mentality, that are headless and demanding of their trainers to “here, make it right for me, tell me how smart I was to buy this horse”.
Now, I wanted to add, anyone may buy a horse that is not what they thought and look for a trainer to help sort things out and make it work or help resell it to the right home.
BUT, you learn from that and now you have a trainer to help not make those kinds of mistakes.
When you already have a trainer and go around/behind the trainer to find a horse, why have a trainer then?
I think that is what the OP is wondering, is what I was wondering also, just doesn’t make that much sense?
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Just my 2 cents worth - I think you sound like a wonderful person and trainer. But if you grew up in that world you know it is a world of hard knocks!
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OP- you should be more like me. Care less about the people and more about the horses.
I’d go with the saying “not my circus, not my monkeys”.
Who cares if they go off and buy a horse, move to a different barn, sell horse, quit riding etc? They are free to do as they like, and they can continue to do so. Don’t get attached to your clients. They are just people, after all!
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Foxtrot,
I agree. The OP sounds like a compassionate, caring person who is trying to do right by students and clients and still earn a living. I applaud that, and we need young professionals with those characteristics.
OP, the lessons here to help you go forward are:
1.) Don’t do anything for your favorite client that you wouldn’t do for your least favorite client. It’s a very handy way to set the bar for treating everyone the same. ****NOTE: You’ll break this rule, sooner if not later. Be clear on why you’re breaking the rule, and what you’re getting in return for giving the client favored treatment.
2.) Learn to say no. An empty stall beats a reputation damaging client, every time. Don’t ask me how I know this.
3.) Don’t discount your services or give them away. Perceived value is key. ****NOTE: You’ll break this rule too, because of the compassionate, caring thing. Break it rarely and wisely, and when you do, make sure the person you break it for understands the value proposition: “Normally I charge X for lessons and Y for coaching at shows; I will waive Y for your daughter because she does such a good job on my green horse. I will not waive X, or hauling or a, b or c, but I will waive the coaching fee because she’s such a good student and does such a good job on my green horse.” See what happens there? You can reinstate the coaching fee when she’s no longer riding your green horse, it’s a stated proposition with a beginning and end, not an open ended free ride. Make sure there’s a give to get, and that both parties understand what it is.
4.) Learn to let go. You’re not a fit for all clients, all clients are not a fit for you. Practice saying “Lovely horse/student, but I don’t think it’s a good fit for my program. Best of luck to you.”
You’ll get past this. Someone else will lease your lovely schoolmaster and appreciate what you have to offer.
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Thank you so much for saying this. I definitely want to be different and not lose my compassion and empathy. I do understand when people do and why… yes… I have been in
this world 26 years of my life—more then half my life—and I’ve definitely seen the ugly side. That’s why I really want to do better. I’ve had some really unethical/money hungry trainers cross my path in days I rode and showed for myself and it never ended pretty. One of those times left me questioning my passion for horses altogether and whether I wanted to get out of it totally. Glad I didn’t. But I don’t want others to have those experiences though I know the likelihood in this industry is pretty high.
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I have adopted the “not my circus, not my monkeys” attitude a few years ago. I tend to care too much too, but there are times that you have to realize that you can’t do anything because it really it out of your control. When it is my monkeys, I do what I can, but when they aren’t … not my job to worry of them.
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Your experience is not all that different from mine as a teacher. When I first started, I really felt for the kids that had sob stories (I work in an urban low-income district). I still feel for the kids with sob stories, but at this point I’ve had literally thousands of students and I’ve heard literally every sob story possible. I still go out of my way to help a kid that is trying but has life challenges beyond their control, but at the same time, I’ve grown some kind of shell about these situations.
I’m not saying your kid has a sob story, but my point is that you will have this student again. And again. And again. There will always be a kid that you really like and want to help with parents that are complete fools. You do the best you can, without putting yourself out, and see what happens.
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Re-read your posts, OP, and just want to compliment you on how you have progressed in handling this situation. Good for you!
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It sounds like a case of a trainer boosting clients confidence to the point that they think they know enough to go it alone. It happen all the time. Little girl is now comfortable doing crossrail courses on a “broke to death” schoolmaster so mom thinks she’s actually “riding” well. IMO, a nervous 9yo shouldn’t be looking at anything green or less than saintly, especially if they are no working closely with a good trainer. That said, they are also free to go and make mistakes, though I fear the child could get hurt. Better, should that happen, that they NOT be associated with your program when it does. As for them lying about the removal of the saddle, while it wasn’t upfront, I’m sure they do feel bad about going around you and shopping alone.
As for the fact that you’ve been offering the a screaming deal and they are ungrateful, if they didn’t see it on the bill, they didn’t know what the savings were. I’m not opposed to offering discounted services for various reasons (customer having financial woes, customer is going to get great exposure for sale horse etc.) but it needs to be billed as a discount, meaning bill should list full price for the service and then show any credits etc that are earned or granted. That way, if the student who’s showing the sales horse suddenly isn’t able to show, the client knows that the full rate will then apply.
Maintain the higher ground. Wish them well. Let them go. Yes, you like them, you can still be friendly but from a point of view of your business, from where I sit, they are a liability without much upside. Get your old pro leased out to someone who will love and appreciate him and pay a legit rate for the privilege of riding him.
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My last 2 cents worth - whether you realize it or not, you make a mark on everyone you have dealings with. That child will go forward in life the better for having had you in her life.
I’ve been fortunate enough to know top coaches in many fields and they all have the qualities of being able to give self esteem, constructive (not destructive) criticism, make their students want to go to the end of the earth for them, and make them impatient for the next coaching session so they can be the best they can be. Gone are the days when
a coach put down a student in order to build them up. Rudeness, or demoralizing a kid has no place in sport.
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This is a lesson all young instructors/trainers have to learn at some point. We’ve all been there.
First, start valuing your time and draw lines in the sand. You are a professional, so act like it and you will be treated as such. If you give away your time freely, it will be expected.
Lose the emotion. Clients will come and go. It can be hard to send a bill to your “friend”, but you’d expect them to do the same if you needed braces and they were an orthadontist.
This doesn’t have to be a one-way-or-another situation. For instance, I just got a new student in October. Young girl, very timid, terrible rider. Mom wants to buy her a horsey for Christmas. My advice is, of course, don’t do it. Keep her on our safe lesson ponies. Mom goes shopping on her own and brings home an old, lame, skinny mare with tons of issues. Spent all her money. Horse needs a blanket. I tell her I’ll measure horsey the next day to see what size. Mom buys one that night, before that next day. Way too small, but by the next morning horsey has worn it and laid down in manure and it’s unreturnable. Horsey has major hoof issues that need addressed. Cah-Ching $$$ . Horsey needs a special diet. Horsey needs vet to float teeth in terrible condition and then comes down with a sinus infection. Horsey gets on meds for arthritis. FINALLY! Ready to prep horsey for kid to walk around on. Nope. Healthier, more comfortable horsey now bucks.
Obviously, they did not follow my advice. But I’m letting them learn their own lesson. And today we found a saint of a pony for care lease. If it doesn’t work - horse is welcome to go back home at any time.
Do I wish they would have listened? Do they wish they would have listened? Well, of course. But if I would have sent them packing instead of letting them learn their own lesson, this may have been worse.
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My trainer & his ass’t trainer get annoyed and frustrated because they have a client who really isn’t that into riding anymore. They think the kid should be as thrilled to ride as they are every day.
The kid was never a good rider. She got by, barely. She’s had a few bad falls. At 18 or 19, her parents are still paying training on 2 nice horses that she rarely comes to see. Her mother was more into it than she was, and the bottom line is she just grew up. It’s OK that the kid doesn’t want to ride - it’s her choice!
There are kids who are dedicated to horses and kids who aren’t. Being less dedicated doesn’t make someone a bad person. I don’t think it even necessarily makes them a slacker. It’s good for trainers and instructors to remember that those who don’t eat, drink & breathe horses are not bad people. Those who dedicate their lives to horses tend to forget that.
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Jealous! I had to get mine from 4 states away to avoid the mark up. Forget the “client”, buy one for yourself 
OP you sound like a great instructor and i would feel lucky to have my kid leasing your horse! My daughter half leases a horse we love (and is not a packer at all but my kid doesnt show) and she has tons of fun on. I am so grateful she has the opportunity to lease this horse because it allows her to do what she wants to do without worrying about owning a horse. Many parents and kids will appreciate you- unfortunately this family doesnt realize what they have. Charge what you are worth, but realize there are plenty of great clients out there (who are also willing to pay what they should pay- if I were these clients I would insist on paying you for helping with the horse search)! Dont let this jade you too much!
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They are ending their relationship with you.
Let them.
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I have seen this happen before- trainers have favorites or spend more time and throw in “free” things to one or some clients and then get burned in the end- the sad part they also tend to loose really good clients as well - who paid because they felt like a second fiddle or simply an ATM that the trainer could have cared less about - Clients have the right to leave if they wish and they don’t owe you and explanation- all you can do is cover your bases- don’t let emotions guide you and make sure you are running a professional barn with good care and are treating all your clients equally.
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You know, The flip side of this is the typical COTH thread that goes…" We are leasing a horse from my trainer but very young DD has stopped progressing and does not want to ride it anymore. Trainer doesn’t seem to want to show us another horse even though we have been asking for months. We have spoken to another trainer who is more willing to help us who pointed out current trainer will lose money from the lease if she finds another. Do you think that’s true? How do we go about leaving this trainer?"
Standard COTH answer would be yes, it’s in trainers best interest to keep leasing DD the horse even if she no longer wants to ride it and TAKE YOUR STUFF HOME before giving notice. Whether it’s true in this case or not, that’s the perception. Honestly they are giving notice by not making eye contact while taking their saddle. Maybe the kid will do better on another horse elsewhere, maybe not. Who knows what they have been doing and who they have been talking to…and it’s that’s their business and their right.
Couple of thoughts…
You can’t raise other people’s children. You can gently try to change parental expectations but it’s their child. And I think a 9 year old weekly rider is a little young to make assumptions about confidence levels or motivation but she did get scared here. Sometimes a different horse is the best route. Maybe a different instructor is not a bad idea, don’t take that personally. The child has hit a wall with you, maybe change is best for her.
Never spend/waste time looking for horses unless you have an agreement they will actually buy something and you will be paid for your time. Many are starting to charge for sifting thru online ads, not a bad idea.
Do take the time to prepare a rate sheet you give to each client/parents. Post another copy in tne tackroom and be sure it’s on your website. Then stick to it and be sure clients stick to it. These clients likely have no idea what is reasonable and customary and have no idea they aren’t getting charged what others are, Other clients might find how much they are paying for certain other clients don’t pay for and you’ve got instant barn drama…and you bet clients talk to each other about charges.
Business doesn’t have to be cold hearted but it does need to have clear boundaries between it and private life. Think OP learned that here and both sides made some assumptions about the other due to lack of structure in OPs business and muddy communications, often not in writing.
Take it as a lesson learned and adjust your business policy, procedure and communication to avoid a similar situation…and there will others that tempt you to do as you did for these. Don’t do it.
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OP, my heart goes out to you because you have such a big heart. Don’t ever lose your compassion and empathy but make sure that you don’t put yourself in a position where you give your valuable, professional services away and then get ticked off because you feel your clients don’t appreciate you. How can they know they should be paying for these services if you don’t tell them? One fact about your clients that sticks out to me is that they have paid you for the child’s lessons and the lease on your horse a month in advance. You should cherish that in a client. They are NOT taking advantage of you.
Maybe it would help you to put this situation in perspective if you made a list. In one column put what you did for them that they paid for. In the other column list what you did for them that they did not pay for. As a professional, you should be paid for all you do, no matter what. Do not get emotionally involved. It’s not your place. It’s not professional. Be kind, be honest, be encouraging. When they leave as all clients eventually do, thank them for being good clients and wish them the very best in all they do.
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