The new breed standard:
General Appearance: Eyes, nose, and tail as per request of owner. Fault: fewer than four legs
Size: Toy group may range from purse to shoulder-bag. In the Working Group, may range from front seat of VW bug to cargo bay of SUV.
Coat: Does not shed or grow hair, but maintains cuddly appearance. Self-grooms and clips own nails.
Color: per owner preference.
Temperament: Reliably housebroken at birth. Loves every human and every living thing except burglars and grizzly bears, which the breed will attack without hesitation, but only to protect owner or owner’s family and property. Can reliably distinguish a dog toy from the owner’s cherished personal property. Does not bark. (Working Group may bark twice to alert for burglars and/or grizzly bears, no more than once an hour. Fault: Any barking between the hours of 8 pm and 9 am.)
Although the Designer Dog may vary in size, color and appearance, it must never do anything Lassie wouldn’t do. The breed must be unmistakeably photogenic, always appearing to best advantage in smartphone videos posted on youtube. Toy group in particular must wear costumes with panache.