What Would You Do? Broken Hock

[iJump]

Sorry but, I would’ve liked to have read anything from anyone’s personal experiences about ANY broken bones in any horse when I was researching about what I have going on.

I’ve always thought it was the end of the line, because it absolutely was in the ‘old days’. Apparently breaks are much more common than you would think… people do not like sharing information about these things because of rumors and whatever. I actually had a horse which I didn’t vet, and did xrays before hock injections a couple years later… you could see an old healed break.

Continue on with your silly key board warrior antics. I’m too busy to play.

[walktrot]

Horses do have an amazing capacity to hide or ignore pain. BO had to put down a lovely QH mare with a fractured shoulder probably from a kick. She was standing on three legs knee deep in hay and munching away. The vet was close by and BO was out but returned in a few minutes. It was a quiet passing.

The best piece I have ever read is by Julie Goodnight. She had a horse collapse and die in the arena. She is thoughtful and realistic, and I find her comforting.

https://signin.juliegoodnight.com/tag/eddie/

I’m so sorry you are facing a such a difficult decision. I know you will do what is best for your horse and for you.

[tikihorse2]

OP, I am so sorry. hugs

[sheep_with_a_gun]

@endlessclimb

Logically, I get that. But in the wake of my animal dying, having to hear about countless other dead pets offered very little in the way of consolation. It’s borderline funny, when you think of it. “Oh you’re scared of spiders? Let me tell you in detail about this spider I just saw!” It really is an interested social habit people have, haha.

People react in weird ways to others’ grief. Do you know how many windows I’ve heard complain about people comparing their divorce to the death of a spouse. Bless their hearts.
I’ve actually thought about making a post about what not to do, but I’m sure it’s just turn into a train wreck.

OP, I’m so sorry you are in this position. No advice, but sending you strength and peace for whatever route you choose.

[Equkelly]

@iJump

Sorry but, I would’ve liked to have read anything from anyone’s personal experiences about ANY broken bones in any horse when I was researching about what I have going on.

I’ve always thought it was the end of the line, because it absolutely was in the ‘old days’. Apparently breaks are much more common than you would think… people do not like sharing information about these things because of rumors and whatever. I actually had a horse which I didn’t vet, and did xrays before hock injections a couple years later… you could see an old healed break.

Continue on with your silly key board warrior antics. I’m too busy to play.

Well then you’re incredibly ill-informed and ignorant on this topic and have no business sharing such an irrelevant unhelpful experience.

I have a friend who was recently told the devastating news that they had to put down their horse due to a colic with an inoperable rupture. I didn’t say “Hey! My horse had an enteritis colic and was fine after being hospitalized for a few days!”. If I did do that I would have been a huge jerk. Read the room.

[endlessclimb]

@sheep with a gun

People react in weird ways to others’ grief. Do you know how many windows I’ve heard complain about people comparing their divorce to the death of a spouse. Bless their hearts.
I’ve actually thought about making a post about what not to do, but I’m sure it’s just turn into a train wreck.

OP, I’m so sorry you are in this position. No advice, but sending you strength and peace for whatever route you choose.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

The “react in weird ways” surely is the truth. What I really wanted was to sit alone in her empty stall and cry, not hear about a dead cocker spaniel. I will say that I do recognize that people are trying to be nice, but it really isn’t nice. I made it a point when my friend recently lost her beloved mastiff to not do those things - all we talked about was what an awesome dog he was.

[Gayla]

I find it DISGUSTING that the OP came here looking for help and you all have degraded this to middle school, attention grabbing bickering. Go AWAY!!

[Equkelly]

@Gayla

I find it DISGUSTING that the OP came here looking for help and you all have degraded this to middle school, attention grabbing bickering. Go AWAY!!

I mean I think the people who came here to brag about how their horse defied the odds with a completely different injury in a different circumstance should be the ones get lost. I know we all love to talk about our horses and share stories but this is incredibly devastating for anyone to deal with and it’s just not the time to brag about how your horse overcame whatever you wrongly thought was equivalent to a broken hock.

And that doesn’t just go for COTH, people pull that crap IRL as well. “OH your horse died on the table during colic surgery? My horse coliced once!” Or “You just had to put down your young horse with wobblers? Yea when I was a kid I had to put my cat down.” It’s just so rude. Please don’t do this.

[ayrabz]

@Gayla, thank you. But as you can see there is no regard for allowing this to be the OPs thread. they just won’t stop using it for telling others how to do it ‘their way’. And, yes it is disgusting.

[mmeqcenter]

It’s not about “their way,” it’s about having compassion for others and understanding how your story may make them feel.
Though I totally understand it is human nature to try to relate with a story of an injury that is not even a little bit similar, it can often be harmful instead of helpful.
Getting seven different opinions or paying $12k for surgery for pasture sound are well above and beyond what are considered typical great care levels. That’s fine for whoever has done it, or taken out a second mortgage to pay for a surgery or something. If that’s what you want to do with your money then great, but those are extremely unfair levels of expectation to put on anyone else.

OP got three expert opinions that all told them the same thing. They have absolutely done enough.

Providing such stories that, though unintentionally I’m sure, have a subtext that tell the other person they haven’t done enough, isn’t helpful. They just have a high chance of significantly increasing someone’s guilt over their situation and possibly may prevent them from making what they feel is the best choice for their animal.

[JB]

This is a study in human nature, and both sides of this “argument” can learn something. There’s a psychology term for this which I forget, but it involves someone sharing a story, in the face of a terrible one, that simply does not show empathy because it’s not even close to being the same.

I don’t mean the same story. I mean, it’s not even the same sort of emotion, whether that’s loss, or disappointment, or being terrified, which means there’s not any empathy. And that just makes the person feel worse. “My horse broke his leg and has to be put down” being met with “my horse also broke a bone and she’s fine!” is not empathy, and certainly doesn’t make the person feel better.

And yes, people do this allllll the time, which has normalized it. But it doesn’t help, and it usually makes the person feel unheard because there’s zero connection to what’s really going on.

People need to learn to recognize when they’re about to do this, and just…not. If you don’t actually know what that sort of emotion feels like, then trying to pretend you do, or offering up a scenario that ends better (or worse) is not helpful. It’s just not. Yes, the intent might have been good (as I’m sure it was here), but it fails to see this from the other person’s perspective.

Showing empathy for a difficult situation can be really hard, because it means you have to have been there, and you have to go back into that dark hole with the person, and most people don’t want to do that, sub-consciously or not. Brene Brown explains the differences really, really well.

I’ve had to make the decision to put a horse down. Maybe that’s why I took this like I did - not just unhelpful, but hurtful. Emotions do that.

People in an emotional state can’t be told "don’t feel worse, they didn’t mean it’. But people doing the sharing can learn to see the different situations and either not say anything, or go down into that hole with them and connect on the emotional level.