Was going to post to say just this–especially the part about how it feels after riding and then sitting down for a long time, especially as I age–so now I can just say that I think you nailed it with your post.
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Just getting up from a desk chair after more than an hour ain’t pretty at my age! And I am in good shape for the most part. But hips don’t lie!
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I assume OP would still ride during the week, but would only be able to get lessons on the weekends at Option B. Which seems like it almost defeats the purpose of boarding there in the first place. And honestly for someone competing at Novice and below with no prior upper-level experience (not judging, that’s me as well), lessons from a 5* rider are probably not going to be substantially more valuable than lessons from a good “local” coach.
Also working with a dressage trainer may actually pay off more in the long run in terms of putting down competitive scores.
Not to invalidate this but how “all in” can you really be in this situation? How much time are you realistically going to be spending at the barn in Option B between your job, other commitments, and commute?
Spending 3-4 hours in the car every day just to go ride sounds like an intolerable time suck. If you also work full-time, doing that long-term is going to trash you in terms of the amount of time you have to eat properly, do other forms of exercise conducive to achieving upper-level goals, get an adequate amount of sleep, etc.
Don’t presume when you don’t know the totality of someone’s situation. People also have debt, relationship problems, and substance dependencies that they don’t share so much about on the internet.
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With what the OP describes as likely a 2 hour one way commute to the option B barn, I would guess the number of times per week the OP can make it to the barn during the week will be greatly reduced. That is why I asked the question.
Oh man, I wish I had staff! Since OP mentioned VEI, I surmise we’re in the same general area, where we’re lucky to have a ton of events within a 2-hour drive. I can hit three major venues within 45 minutes of my place plus some smaller ones, and almost all the events run all three phases in one day. Upper levels typically go first so at Modified+ you can often do a full event and be home by 2 pm. Like I said, we’re spoiled! It’s not quite the time commitment of a HJ show.
If OP gets to the point that she’s regularly doing FEI events then yes, she’ll need to stable for multiple days and may or may not need to stay overnight (again, I could do several of those sleeping in my own bed).
Your points about needing good riding facilities stand though. I’m very lucky to be able to hack out from my house for conditioning work. Actually when I first brought my horses home I was competing in dressage rather than eventing, and I kept my Grand Prix horse going and showing for the first 3 months until my arena was built by working him on the trails most days!
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Your whole post was fantastic, but this is especially sage advice, especially for future readers! With that said, in this particular instance, there is sufficient LL volume that this isn’t a concern for my situation.
The comment about peers is also worth considering. In my case, I’m a better cultural fit at Option B, and I as a less-experienced rider on a more-experienced horse fit in well level-wise with an existing group of more-experienced riders on less-experienced horses. One of the reasons this decision is so hard!
Ultimately, when the farm becomes a reality, I’ll do what I need to do, whether that’s scaling back my competition plans, hiring help, or figuring out a way to get it all done (which, given various parameters beyond the scope of this thread, I do think I may be able to do–but of course there’s always the possibility I’m wrong!) The two-star goal is important to me, but the farm is more important, and this situation has underscored that. I’m very lucky that I have so many good potential options and that my current coach is a really superb human being who wouldn’t put us on the street regardless, but it’s still not a great situation to be in.
That said, I mentioned both the two-star goals and the farm because folks asked about them, but both are a ways off into the future and there will be plenty of opportunity to course-correct as necessary!
This is a great point, and for a lot of people it’s true.
In my case, based on past experiences, I am confident that I will do it if I decide to commit; it’s just a question of the relative personal cost, which may well be more than I want to pay.
Another good point, but not a concern in my specific situation; the coaching relationship is already sufficiently established to my comfort.
Not planning to ride only on weekends. Would expect to be out four or five days a week, with usually one lesson per week and the occasional two per week subject to schedules. This of course would take a pretty substantial toll on other things in my life–which is why it’s such a hard decision.
Beyond that, I already do substantial off-horse fitness work, because I have personally found that riding one horse gets you fit enough to ride zero horses successfully. But you’re right that I’m concerned about the drop in fitness even going down to four rides a week.
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I’m in the same boat. I would love to move up and my lofty pie-in-the-sky goal is to one day do a 2*. But I was able to bring my horses home in 2019 and I would not be willing to give that up just to compete higher. I have loved having my horses home, even though it is much more work and time consuming than boarding. The relationship I have built with my horses is much more than when I boarded and I treasure that. I am also a control freak, so being able to care for my horses how I see fit has been very freeing for me.
Sadly I have not yet moved beyond BN, but I would say that is more due to injuries, and not because of limited time due to having a farm.
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One more addendum, generally:
A number of people on the thread have commented that someone currently riding at BN doesn’t need to, and will likely not hugely benefit from, riding with a BNT vs. a very good more local coach. I totally agree, and to a certain extent found and find the idea of so doing almost… disrespectful, I guess? Which is why I didn’t and don’t generally bother (and why I am also so privileged to have and grateful for my current coach and her impeccable credentials, which are also far higher than I need at my current stage of development), even though there are regularly BNT clinicians at my current farm and folks at Intro often ride with them.
But it turns out that in Area II, over the winter, for someone who doesn’t snowbird, the quality education that was generally most available to me was clinicing with various BNTs, and taking advantage of that led to the relationship I’ve mentioned with Option B. (Mostly, I think, because she really, really likes my horse, who is genuinely very special, vs. me, who is not so much.)
So that’s how that came to be, vs. me specifically taking the attitude that “oh, my n00b self will progress faster in a program with a BNT!”
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Really hard decision! I don’t know what I’d suggest you choose but I will chime in saying I drove an hour one way for a lease horse 4-6 days a week and it wore on me fast. Of course, everyone handles commutes differently so maybe that is a non-issue to you? It just ate up so much of my time!
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You seem to have already decided on the second program. I don’t think there is anything “disrespectful” about a BN rider training under an UL rider. But it’s mainly the fact that I personally wouldn’t have the energy to wake up, take care of pets, work out, commute to work, commute potentially up to 2 hours to the barn, ride (and possibly take a fairly intensive lesson) in a purposeful and goal-directed way, take care of “horse things” that come up inevitably at the barn, drive back 2 hours, come home and take care of pets and house stuff, and rinse, wash, repeat the next day with supple hip flexers and a positive attitude for the long term.
For a month? If none of my pets got sick, I remained uninjured, my horse was sound, the weather was good, and the traffic light and my house didn’t need a major repair? Maybe. But I think you’re putting yourself in a position where if one block of the time management Jenga gets shifted, it can be highly stressful.
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If I wanted to get better, faster, on my seasoned horse… Option A, hands down.
You will get more lessons - more rides - more ride time. Practice on your own is great, but having supervision for multiple rides/lessons per week is going to speed up your improvement and progress many times faster. Perfect practice, as the saying goes.
Personally, the idea of spending 20 hours a week commuting to the barn is mind boggling. Especially for only ~5 hours of ride time, and only one of which would be a lesson. The commute would stress me out and I’d be afraid I’d end up skimping on my rides because I need to hurry up and get back home. I also would not feel like I had time to do any thorough grooming, spa days, or non-riding stuff with my horse.
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One thing I haven’t seen mentioned yet - I’d want to have a lesson or three with Option A before deciding anything. I find that, especially for dressage, there can be huge differences in how people teach it, what they put the emphasis on, which school of thought they follow etc etc. Plus the coach has to work well with both you and your horse - not always the easiest skill.
In terms of commutes - I did 1hr 15min commute to work for 6mths (easy driving) and it was TOUGH but manageable. I paid someone to ride my horse 2-3x during the week as he lived 10min from my house as it was winter/spring and no lights to ride under. It is absolutely draining and I would have struggled to do it for any longer.
In terms of training with a BNT when you’re “only” doing the lower levels - if you can, you absolutely should. Every time I’ve really shifted my riding to the next level it’s been under a really good BNT. The ones that can see the small details that will make the biggest difference to your riding. There are some great unknown/local trainers (I’m working with one now) but they are harder to find. (Of course I’ve also had lessons/clinics with BNTs who haven’t worked well for me and my horse/s).
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I have fairly lofty goals right now, and honestly they have all sat on the back burner. We moved from area II where we had amazing coaching, facilities and opportunity back home to Canada and started our own farm basically from scratch and … The actual riding has been on a back burner. The reason? It’s not just putting in the time on the farm, but also we drive 2 hours a day to work. When we get home there is dinner to make, we want to turn the horses out to grass from their daytime paddock, the dogs need attention, the lawns need mowing, something else needs fixing. It’s truly exhausting because of the 2 hours in the car.
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You mentioned a partner. Another thing I would consider is how they feel about it. A 3 to 4 hour commute 4 to 5 times a week, plus the hour and a half at least at the barn, plus work, plus all the various other responsibilities we have, eats in a LOT of time.
Let’s say you have 24 hours in a day. Let’s also say you are one of those that can get by on 6 or 7 hours of sleep. That’s 18 hours of being awake.
If you work from home where you don’t have to commute or get ready for the day (i.e. roll out of bed and go to work), and you take no breaks, then there’s just 8 hours for work, so 10 hours left. Let’s say two hours for things like meals, showering, little daily necessities. 8 hours left. With what sounds like an “ish” of 5 hours that will go to the barn (commute, grooming, tacking up, riding, after care, and the inevitable time-suck phenomenon that happens at the barn), that leaves you 3 hours left. If you have other chores, other pets, want to be able to just relax a little and have some down time, that 3 hours gets eaten up fast.
If you have to go to work, there’s an extra bit of time to getting ready and commuting to work. If you need more than 6 hours of sleep (I sure do), that’s more time. Even the most supportive partner might struggle with getting so little actual time together. Let alone any other friends and family.
This is obviously a rough estimate, but I’d really sit down and figure out a time budget for B if you are set on it. Can you physically find the time to fit it all in, including a buffer time for the unknowns that pop up? Are others in your life okay with that, even if you think you can handle it?
Personally, if it were me, I would go try a few lessons with A first, and if that worked out well, I’d set up maybe biweekly or monthly lessons with B where I can haul out on weekends. Maybe sometimes take long weekends for a mini boot-camp with B. Get the benefit of B’s training but still keep a good balance with the rest of your life and your personal health.
Whatever you end up doing, good luck!! It sounds like you’ve got exciting things coming down the pipeline!
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